gratefulpain

same thing happened to me.... like 4 days after the devestaing news she wanted me to be friends and help her do her taxes... she considered my NC as childish ....I honestly didnt want to help her do anything.. why should I ..I'm not healed.. she made the choice... she (my ex) had to understand she cant have her cake (new BF) and the beneifits of my knowledge.. like mechanics , electronics, and others stuff.... she was trying to manipulate me consciously or sub consciously..

My advice from this board was to NC... if she finds me childish... explain calmly that i'm working on myself and that any emotional up and down would just keep wounds fresh.. and if she ever loved me she would understand ...

Do something outdoor, if weather permists.... but heres the trick... leave your phone at home.....

she would call me.. she dumped me.... i was so hurt and sad.. i think she felt guilty,, so she would call and small talk.. she said we can be friends,,, but i wasnt ready... to go from love to friends knowing she was with someoine else so soon... NC gave me control of my emotions an so dignity

you did well... sounds like you ae healing. NC is good it has been for me.... she call now and again...my ex is seeing someone... she told me they were intimate about 4 days after our breakup... talk about floored and devestated... I miss her... (id never tell her) some call it foolish pride.... I call it survival... being a guy... I atleast have one shred of dignity left... she went and tested the waters with some rebound guy... f*&^ that.... she broke it beyond repair... kinnda like a blown head gasket on a beater car... it aint worth fixin.....

It dosent really get easier per se.... But you end up with a "blueprint" for breakup.. a kind of "been there done that" kind of feeling... you know deep inside its gonna hurt but you intuitively know you'll make it... alot of teens experience that first breakup... (that we all felt) that one hursts the worst..alot end of commiting suicide (no blueprint)....

.. or you could become distant.. no quiye full engaged inthe realtionship (un cool) .. afraid to love deeply again....

My old old ex,, was devistated by a guy,,, and as I look back I think she just used me as revenge against all guys.... she accepted all my nice gifts etc. etc. then a year later said cya.....

Your hearts been schooled... mine too... but I am determined to take all that negative energy and "convert" it into re-shaping ME key word "convert"

If I had to do it all over again... I would .....

heres some Garth....

Looking back on the memory of

The dance we shared beneath the stars above

For a moment all the world was right

How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye

And now I'm glad I didn't know

The way it all would end the way it all would go

Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain

But I'd of had to miss the dance

I totaly know how you feel. I agree with the above posts.... the thoughs just come flooding in... at random... I take a deap breath and imagine Im exhaling my ex's negativity... Kinnda corny but the breathing made me feel like it was leaving my body...

stay busy my friend.. sign up for stuff that you have to be accountable for, like a team sport or volunteer... that way whether you want to or not you have to get out of the house

Somewhere....the man of your dreams is waiting... he doesn't know you exist yet but he'll know you when he sees you... then after you date and some time passes he will look at you and say.... "im so glad you're still not with that other guy" else we would have never met.

well i used the baseball bat... i just woke up to post this.....

I do that to myself too.. I wonder if she even thinks about me.. i wonder does she miss me... i wonder if i should suggest a meeting or date...... but then i catch myself... and I try hard to believe in some divine plan....If i act its out of fear she will be gone for good .. but then I ask.. what were the reasons we broke up.... what did I NOT like about the relationship... the constant jealousy, the crabbin about everything.. the immatruity, the accusations.. the controling,, hell the hitting and shouting she would do ....the constant never ending need for attention.... then I say ill give it another day then contact her..... and the next day I say the same thing... you get the idea

lol suker.... you couldnt have said that 3 months ago..

Dont call her... I tried that once... I said to her "I want you to look me in the eye and tell me you're done" I told her that I deserved a face to face aknowledgment" dumb... move for me..... she never really gave me one... in fact I think she said "I gotta go, I have another call" and bascially hung up on me in mid sentence".....that was my sign... it hurt like hell...

I seen her a year later downtown... I was looking good dressed nice with my briefcase....

she was with a gf and said hello Mr.... I gave her the obligatory head nod and kept steppin... It was awesome!!!! she thought I was going to stop and small talk... whatever...

What has helped me.. pretty hardcore though... I wrote a 3 page document of how we first met... every signifigant thing we did.... every signifigant happening..how I felt about her.... blabla... then I went alone to the lake by my house read it looked at pictures cried like an infant.. then burned it and watched it burn... since then I never looked back....hardcore but it gave me closure..

Your gonna be alright my friend... we all have been there... it hurts I know... it supposed to hurt......

about 3 1/2 weeks for me now.... slowly getting better. I have cleaned my house.. I dont cry anymore.... i have bad moments...i cook for myslef now.. no more fast food and RedBull... i do play scenarios in my head like who shes with etc,etc. but that only tortures me.. I had a fantasy about her coming back and we live hapilly ever after... but that made me sad.. I have dreams about her every now and again.... I think Im healing..... I followed all the advice on this board..... I view myself as injured.. so I treat myself tenderly.. I do little tasks I know I can accomplish.. I work out again religiously.. it helps me get out frustration... I am closer to my family now... I hug everyone before I leave..I dont know exactly what I am transforming in to.

I'm not the man I want to be.

I'm probably not the man I ought to be.

But for the grace of God....

I'm not the man I was

What about what youre doing?

What about who you may or may not be sleeping with?

What about her comparing you to another guy... (who wouldnt add up probably)...

dude what about YOU!!!! YOU count.....

get a new wardrobe, start working out, chat some girls up online, sign up for paint ball... anything just sign up for something , do something different... the idea is keep yourself occupied and doing healthy things ... so that sweet time can work her magic on ya.....

take care man

whoa ,,, good poise and maturity... dont think I would have been so cordial.

I probably would have probably said Hi to my ex GF and ask rather loudly "hows that yeast infection! did that ever go away"

good for you.....

i wouldn't bother. Not out of spite but setting unrealistic expectations. I agree with the aboves posts. What if he dosent even aknowledge your sentiment. You'll be crushed. after 2 weeks of hard work dont set yourself up for more hurt. Write a happy b-day email but never send it, save it to "drafts".. your intentions are pure... sound slike youre a good person.... stay focused on you... it was his choice... let him live with it...

bummer.... you acted probably as any of us would.... who wouldnt want their wife back and hopes of a renewed marriage starting fresh ... it would be like the first date again..... I'm sorry she was so self centered..but who knows perhaps It was good for both of you to rekindle then move on for good.....

no marriage expert... but Im on your side....

Long road .... it dosent have to be though.... if you hit the same potholes over and over yeah its a long road.....

glad youre feeling better , give me hope

Oldie....

I've been looking at people

And how they change with the times

And lately all I've been seeing are people

Throwing love away and losing their minds

Or maybe it's me that's gone crazy

'Cause I can't understand why

All these lovers keep hurting each other

When good love is so hard to come by

So what's the glory in living

Doesn't anybody ever stay together anymore

And if love never lasts forever

Tell me what's forever for

I've been listening to people

And they say love is the key

And it's not my way to let them lead me astray

It's only that I want to believe

But I see love-hungry people

Trying their best to survive

While in their hands is a dying romance

And they're not even trying to keep it alive

So what's the glory in living

Doesn't anybody ever stay together anymore

And if love never lasts forever

Tell me what's forever for

Billy Graham

If you need to go for it then go for it dont f-around sing karakoe, do flowers, sing outside her window....sky writing....

if its salvagable............

else you always wonder....

But if its not and shes the dumper... then keep doing what youre doing.....if you romaticze about the cuddling and lovey dovy stuff... and she's not into it..dude youre in for a bruising...... its gonna feel like someone hit you in the stomach witha 2 x 4. youll make a fool of yourself and you'll feel like crap for a good while.....

P.S. dont call her drunk

Good luck man... Hats off to you!!!!!!!!!

I started working out again... i wasn't allowed to before.. she said she didnt want me looking at other girls in the gym.... (whatever)

great success to u

be upfont and straight with her.... before you do the nasty

send her a card that says "Sorry about your loss" and insert a pic with you and a hottie.....

just kidding...

What youre feeling is totally normal. I mean at munimum she could have sent a card.... But we cant expect it... i set my expectaions low in other people since my devestating break-up.. then anything nice is such a surprise...

Happy Birthday man... I'd buy you a beer if I could..

hey man, i know where youre coming from....

I did the panic mode thing when she first announced she was dating again... I bought flowers I cried,, hell I even suggested we get married.... (what a loser I was) But it was a natural response.. Im not ashamed, I loved her and I desperately didnt want to loose the only thing good in my life. Funny but i found theres plenty more good in my life.....

Music has helped my healing I downloaded a Michael Bolton song and I blast it at home when Im cleaning the house...

heres a chorus..

Gonna break these chains around me

Gonna learn to fly again

May be hard, may be hard

But I'll do it

When I'm back on my feet again

Soon these tears will all be dryin'

Soon these eyes will see the sun

Might take time, might take time

But I'll see it

When I'm back on my feet again

I'm not for it ...only because of my situation. My ex dated the week we were broke up and I didnt even get a chance to make amends or sit down and figure it out together... After she said she was dating someone else, I was crushed and floored.....because I felt she spit on our two years together....

To me , it felt like she cheated.... screw that

My opinion is kind of biased

But from whay you've said he was not much of a catch anyway....

take care....

If there are no dogs in heaven. When I die I want to go where they went.

Been doing ok everyone... NC (strict) It hurts still ...I cant lie. Some times at night when everything is quiet... I start to look around.. I miss the smell of perfume... her little shoes by the door.. her scrunchies (or whatever the're called) lying around the pink toothbrush in the holder or holding her at night...... sorry for not being as strong as I should be.... but sometimes I just hurt...

I'm babbling...

take care everyone..............

early on I couldnt even have aheart to heart with her,,, she would start to push my buttons or place blame.. and immediately I would go on the defensive....

Best way (in beginning) atleast for me was to type an email draft.... I typed one about day 2 of my ordeal and kept adding to it... bla bla... trying to express myself to her, how she hurt me.. how I wanted to apologize for any harm to her bla bla,, very hurt sappy stuff....

I mad a few of these... every couple days I would write a new one.... whats interesting is that after I started the NC the letters kept getting different... almost as if I as I was going through the healing,,, my thoughts about the whole tihng started changing... some of the stuff I worte in the first draft like "i wish you the best" "I will always love you" "you hurt me so bad" "you were my best friend" I dont even feel like saying that anymore......

P.S. never sent them.......

hope it helps

And I'm glad I didn't know

The way it all would end the way it all would go

Our lives are better left to chance

I could have missed the pain

But I'd have had to miss the dance

~Garth Brooks ~ The Dance

This is a tough one....To keep your wits you will have to exhibit extreme maturity and strength. Part of what I'm reading is it may not have fully sunk in that he wants out. The fact that he cant leave at the drop of a hat makes it worse because although you know its over it dosent seem over because youre still together all the time. The sad part is once his final belongings are gone you may experience a severe reaction because its more final..Thats normal.

My ex got the rest of her things last week.. and it symbolized she wont be coming back.. but I had been doing NC like everyone suggested and it allowed me some dignity and I wasnt effected by it...

You have cancer (figuratively) and hes in your house.. the sooner it can be removed the sooner you can start treatment.... till then it will seem like a nightmare in slow motion... Help him if you can financially to get out... not so much for him but for you..... plus it will allow your healing to begin....

I am so sorry to hear that he thinks the grass is greener and needs to sneak around and disguise his games as a need experience life on his own bla bla....

take comfort in knowing somewhere down the road he'll look back with regret..... but the funny part is you wont.... you will be healed and on with your life....

Keep head up.... we all been there....