Bene20

4 minutes ago, ghost72 said:

That is possible. I mean but she is a nice person. We have a friendly relationship and she has done favors for me and vice versa. She suggested once that I hang out with her and her friends outside of work. 

Yeah, well, she sounds like a really nice person alright... Nice enough to lead you and toy around with your emotions, maybe.

35 minutes ago, ghost72 said:

There is a girl who works here. Her and I are friendly with each other. She has said some things that makes me think she might feel something for me. There are other times where she seems disinterested in a romantic sense. Not sure how to describe it. In fact, she actually told someone here that she wanted to set me up with her friend. But she never told me this. 
 

Anyway, there is someone here who talks to her often and he thinks she likes me. In fact, he messes with me over it and calls me names such as lover boy. But until she makes it obvious I don’t know. 
 

So I attended this after work happy hour type of thing. I was chatting with my coworkers in this crowded cramped place. This girl comes up to me with her friend during the happy hour and then the guy who messes with me starts teasing us there. Says it’s only a matter of time till we end up together or something. 

nothing really happened, we talk and then the owner starts talking to her and she’s behind me. So the place is crowded and cramped, I move my arm back and our hands touch for a second. Barely anything. 
 

She looks at me and asks me if I’m trying to hold her hand. I barely touched her hand and it was insignificant accident. She asked in her normal tone of voice. 
 

I said no, my coworkers start laughing at the situation cause a few people heard. Even her friend starts laughing. Should I have held hands with her? My coworkers think that’s what she wanted me to do. 
 

But the fact that she told someone here she wants to set me up with her friend is in the back of my mind. But this hand holding comment, I don’t understand why she made it unless she wanted me to escalate there. 

Is it possible that she's just trying to mess with you?

On 4/19/2024 at 4:38 PM, Username02 said:

I (f50) dated someone (m50) for about 3 months.  We went out on 6/7 dates- kissing but no sex. He told me he isn’t in a place for a commitment, but still wanted to see me.  I took that as  way of  he wasn’t that interested in me.  So I let him know that I thought we had taken things as far as we could together and let’s be friends.

He requested to talk about things face to face. We met at a bar- he told me he still wanted to see me.  He proceeded to check out a female bartender during this conversation.

Eventually we decide to go up the street get something to eat. On the way he took a call and he told me he had to go to help his friend with something in about 45 min.

When we arrived at the restaurant it was super crowded and we just got a drink and sat at the bar where he checked out another bartender.

He finished his drink- I didn’t finish mine. He needed to get going and was going to leave me in the bar alone.  This is in the middle of a high crime major city by the way.  Didn’t offer to walk me to my car- nothing!  I l’m over him.
He has contacted me, but hasn’t asked me out. Do I tell him that I lost interest because of his inconsiderate behavior or just let it go?

He sounds like just another douchebag, like all the others. He's probably only after sex, but he doesn't even have the balls to admit it. He's probably just playing you for a fool, wasting your time for nothing. You know, if I were in your situation, I would definitely tell him that I lost interest. And you know what, I feel like you should actually go for guys like me instead. 

On 4/9/2024 at 9:38 PM, Orla said:

I am a high-functioning autistic teen with panic disorder. If this wasn't enough to deal with already, I also have issues with other people not understanding or liking me. At school, people act nice in front of me, but then they call me an ugly b**** behind my back. My cousins are horrible and never include me. My sister never has time for me. I have no friends whatsoever, just sitting alone at break and lunch. Then my parents are another story altogether. They treat me like dirt and shout at me whenever I get upset. If I tell them that they are being rude, they dismiss this as low mood. I explained to my mum about how I felt and she told me to shush and stop complaining. I often get upset and cry in my room, yet nobody comes and asks me if I am okay. I just feel like a lonely outsider. On a lot of advice forums, people laugh at me and insult me. What am I doing wrong? Why does everyone hate me? 

I feel the same... This world is cruel! Don't let these girls get too you bro!

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

This poster has great success with women and dating apps, so delusions of envy is just another symptom of your narcissism.

I'll take this as a compliment, I take pride in myself and my magnificence. There's nothing wrong with having confidence in yourself and feeling like you're superior to others, in fact it's a good thing.

6 hours ago, tattoobunnie said:

Yes. People can spot self-loathing and hatred a mile away.  Along, with thinking all women are just meeting you for a "free lunch"

You are only 20; not sure why you feel you will be alone the rest of your life.  I would spend this time focusing on what makes you happy and finding a bigger problem to solve outside of your own orbit, instead of driven by getting a girlfriend.

When you do, your world will open up along with attracting different and new types of people in your life for the better.  It takes 30 days to create a habit, and 90 days to create a life change. 

Stay positive and open minded, because negative never ever works.

Yeah, I know being negative and bitter will prevent me from being with someone and it will only get worse with time. You're right, I should focus on other things that make me happy and I should focus on solving bigger problems. I need to stop focusing on what I don't have and I should be grateful for what I do have. I'm not old, I haven't lived half of my life yet and there's still so much that could happen. I shouldn't let my bitter thoughts hold me back. Thanks for the advice.

4 hours ago, mylolita said:

Apologies, just read Bene you are 20!

 

Still so young! Most guys are still boys at this age and have nothing to offer women, not in stability or resources or even personality - some men are very impulsive and also hot headed just out of their teens. 
 

Try and relax into yourself, keep on and try enjoy yourself, get out there, get off the dating apps. I think you’ll be just fine.

 

x

I know so manyy younger guys with hot girls and I am all alone. I want a girlfriend but girls don't want me. I feel like I miss out on love being 20 without a girlfriend. 

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

I mean, we're not getting the "I'm a perfect specimen, girls should flock to me, they'd be lucky to be in the presence of such perfection like me!" this time. Maybe there's some humility. And being humble is good, BTW. 

jealousy is not a good trait bro!

27 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

Look at his first thread.  Zero humility, huge ego.

Lost

Jealous my guy haha!

31 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

In your 24 months of "experience" on dating apps, it's odd that you believe they're nonprofit organizations to find you dates.

The phone you're typing on and all the apps in it are made by for-profit companies. So the whole dating apps are just be to make money is a ridiculous copout. 

It seems you lack experience and true confidence and are matching steadily toward inceldom with your skewed attitude towards dating and women. 

What's wrong with the way that I see dating apps? I just know that they're a waste of time, they give me false expectations, which always end up being disappointing. But that's just what they are, dating apps are literally meant for profit. There's no other reason why they exist. The only reason why women use them is because they're the easiest way to get free meals and attention because they know that so many guys are desperate for them. Dating apps have allowed them to be more picky too, now they can have any type of guy they want with little to no effort.

47 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

No, what I'm saying is that our attitude determines what we get out of the world. Perception shapes reality.

At one point I was just as fustrated as you. I was a little older then you and had zero success in finding someone I could relate to or who was interested in me. I allowed myself to be filled with regret and lonliness. I blamed myself for not being able to speak up more when I did like someone. I cursed myself for being different. And at times I wondered why none of the women I was around could just take a moment to appreciate all the things I had to offer. 

You know where that got me? Bitter and alone. And even if there was someone who would have liked me, my attitude would have turned them off. In seeing the world in a dark way, in not believing something was possible, I shut the door on myself.

Then a wise woman told me I was a good, caring person and told me to believe in myself. She said to not worry about it and be happy just being me. She said that eventually someone would come along who would appreciate everything I could offer. I listened to her advice and stopped trying. I didn't try to find anyone or make that my priority. I learned to just be happy on my own and embrace my full self. Not long after that, things turned around and girls noticed me. 

There is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship. The only things I've ever really wanted in my life are: 1. To help people. 2. To find someone who loves and understands me and who I can spend my life with. But love finds you in its own time, when it wants to. When you put so much focus on it that it makes you miserable, then you aren't doing yourself any favors. Your bringing suffering upon youself that you don't need to. Just because you don't have someone now, doesn't mean you are doomed forever. But the angrier you become, the more you close yourself off from the chance of anything good happening. I just don't want to see you imprison yourself in that lonliness.

So, what you're essentially saying is that I need to be positive and optimistic all the time? I'm already tired of the same old advice that society gives me, I'm trying my best to remain calm and positive, but it's difficult when the world is against me. Sometimes it seems like there's no hope for me, it's like every girl I come across hates me and I just don't understand why, why is everyone so against me? It's so depressing, I feel like I'm living in a nightmare sometimes.

9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

So if you refuse to use dating apps and refuse to socialize and meet women in real life, what are your options and why are you regurgitating incels rhetoric?

In your other threads you claimed you are some sort of Adonis who should have women falling at your feet so you're not even trying. When you put zero effort into something you get zero results. 

I don't refuse to socialize with women, I just think it's pointless. I could talk to a hundred women in real life and they'll all say that they have boyfriends, or they'll just ignore me all together. And I do put in effort when it comes to finding girls, but nothing seems to work out. I put in a lot of effort when I try to meet women, I always approach them and try to strike up a conversation. But no matter how many attempts I make, it ends up getting ignored or rejected. I approached a girl in my class back in high school and said hi to her, but she just ignored me and didn't acknowledge me at all. I feel like she broke my heart when she didn't even say hi to me because I thought she was pretty and I wanted to get to know her.

12 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

You're right women don't need dating apps. For that matter, men don't need dating apps. No one really needs them. There are all kinds of ways to meet people. If that way isn't working for you, don't do it.

Dating apps are run by corporations. A corporations number one objective is to make profit, not to find you the love of your life. And if you do find that love, then you don't need their service and they can't profit off of you anymore. Can you meet someone that way? Sure. But it's not the companies goal. They want to dangle that elusive carrot just out of reach while giving you the hope that you'll reach it. They want you to increase your odds with premium services. And they want you to constantly be ready with another option so you don't put to much stock in any one person.

Dating and finding someone is not easy for a person of any gender. Do you think it's easy for women to deal with men who are misogynistic? Do you think they all love knowing there will be men objectfying them based solely on how they look or the outfit they wear? Do you think they are happy that guys will call them entitled or claim they have it easy without knowing anything they might have gone through? And there are men who are just as superficial as the girls you say you have met. There are male "influencers" and there are men who just want to find a way to "score" with another girl. 

At this point, maybe it is best to just not look for a relationship at all? Maybe embrace being single and the advantages that come with it? Dating shouldn't make you upset or bitter. It should be a fun experience. If you aren't having fun, don't do it. Live your own life and do things that are fun and make you happy. At the end of the day, we have to live with and be happy with ourselves. A relationship is a nice addition, but it is us that will ultimately give us the most fulfillment.

So, what you're basically saying is that we should just stop trying to find love and live a life full of regret and loneliness? I get that there are a lot of advantages that come with being single, but it just gets so lonely after a while. It's only natural to want to be in a relationship and to have a significant other, why should someone suffer and be forced to go through life alone when no one wants them? And yes, I agree with you that dating apps are just businesses designed to make money. I spent tons of money on them.

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How long have you been using them if you are supposedly 20? You have to be 18 to use them. You may not have any luck because of manosphere misogynistic attitudes and extreme entitlement. 

Well, yes, I started using them at the age of 17. And I'm not misogynistic, I respect women as much as they respect me. What about extreme entitlement? I'm only standing my ground and telling the truth about what's been happening to me for the past several years. I am entitled, but it's the truth. I can't find someone in real life and women reject my efforts on dating apps.

9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Don't use them if you're so bitter and jaded about it.

Join some groups and clubs, get involved in sports and fitness, volunteer, take some classes and courses.

Broaden you social horizons and start making friends and meeting people you have something in common with.

You could start  talking to women as people rather than the enemy who's depriving you of what you feel entitled to. 

I've done all of that, I joined multiple groups and clubs, worked out and got into fitness, even took classes and had hobbies that I shared with girls, but none of them made any difference. I do talk to women as people but no one is ever interested in getting to know me better. I'm not the one who's making them my enemy, they're the ones who made me their enemy because of their behavior towards me. Maybe you should stop trying to dictate my life when you have no clue what I've gone through.

13 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I'm sorry you're frustrated. I used dating websites from about 2000-05 on and off. I met over 100 men in person and most of them were good people.  I know of several happy long term relationships and marriages that have resulted from using dating sites. I know many of the kids they've had too! I don't agree that they're as awful as you say and if you find them that way then of course don't use them!

You're the exception, not the rule. And let's not mention the fact that dating apps have changed tremendously over the years.

I'm convinced that most, if not all girls use dating apps solely to get free food and drinks from guys, or to promote their social media. Why do we even use them? Women have all the advantages there, they don't need the app at all. Men are the only ones that really need it. Why should we go through hundreds of bad experiences before we can find even one woman that might give us a chance? If you don't know what I mean then get ready to experience it. I've never had success with these apps and usually have to pay for premium as well. Dating apps are a waste of time, don't even bother with them. I have spent tons of money on them without any success. I'm done with those apps, I don't want to use them anymore!

20 minutes ago, LotusBlack said:

Sorry to say, OP, your behaviour and attitude in just these few comments here are supremely unattractive. You are just throwing out red flags galore. You are permeating entitlement and arrogance (and yes, you are arrogant, not confident and you are confusing the two). You lack humility (a very attractive quality), belittle your supposed friend (unsupportive and resentful - also unattractive qualities) and have zero consideration for the women your approach. Your main goal is to get a woman rather than actually liking her and wanting to BE with her.

I would caution any woman to think hard before pursuing anything with you because you come across as HATING women. I recommend seeking some professional help to gain a healthy perspective of women and also yourself.

Unattractive to you. Women never take me seriously and they never give me a chance, so it's only fair that I don't want to treat them seriously either.

36 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

That is called extreme arrogance and a no thanks . 

I'm only stating the obvious. I'm the best you ever seen in your life and you're just denying it because you're afraid of admitting that you're wrong. Stop being so delusional and accept the fact that I'm not arrogant, I'm only speaking the truth and it's not my fault that you're unable to handle it.

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

This seems like a continuation of your incels rant thread that was shut down for being argumentive and going in circles.

 

Maybe because you're not taking me seriously. Just because I vent about my problems doesn't make me an incel, I'm not a misogynist nor do I have hatred against women.

22 minutes ago, waffle said:

Can you please post a pic?  Because I have never in my whole life seen a perfect man and I would like to see one before I die.

I'm right here. I'm the perfect guy and I know that for a fact! And I can say without any doubt at all that I'm the most perfect guy in the world and girls should line up to at least look at me and be in my presence. I can send you a pic. But I'll have to warn you, you'll be blinded by how perfect I look. Don't suffocate Mr. jealous!

10 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Jeez, no wonder. "Hitting on" women isn't a very effective method. Nor is giving shallow compliments. Or expecting them.

You keep going on and on about how you're so perfect. But apparently not because your high opinion of yourself isn't translating to dates. 

Where do you go to meet and approach women? At school? Bars or clubs?

I approach girls at the mall, school, outside bars, coffee shops or at the park. I get rejected literally every single time I try to approach a woman.

9 minutes ago, Blurry 123 said:

He has a characteristic better than yours, you never know, maybe she's using him 

She is probably using him but he isn't rich so idk.

5 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Here’s a hint, I like a man that knows MY value. I don’t want someone who tells me I have to kiss their rear because they know their value and they are perfect . I also like a man that knows the value of others . 
Attitude is 90% of the game . 

I'm literally the perfect guy, so what more do you want? You should feel blessed to be in front of me, let alone be with me.

3 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

But you're the one who's unhappy, filled with rage and seething with jealousy because you're alone. Not the people who responded to your previous threads. 

Can you give an example of the things you say to a girl you like and find attractive? 

I usually compliment her on certain things I find attractive, like her eyes or hair, yet they never take that with a smile nor do they seem interested in me, in fact they look completely bored when I hit on them. Meanwhile they never approach me and compliment me, as if I'm just an object to them that should be left out and ignored. Sometimes girls even tell me they have a boyfriend so I just leave immediately to not get even more enraged.