This is a long and probably seems unbelievable story but this is my story, my situation.
I was with my partner for 20 years. We have small children who we spent almost 10 years trying to conceive. I had both my kids one after the other, just one yr between them. I developed postnatal depression after my second child who's now only 5. It caused my relationship to fall apart unfortunately, my partner couldn't handle how I changed and lost myself in motherhood to two babies and the challenges it brought.
After a few disagreements he decided to call it quits. He left one night and drank in a pub where he met a woman half our age, early 20s. He was sleeping with her since the night he left me basically and within 6 weeks of leaving she was pregnant. But during this time myself and my partner were trying to work on things which the other girl knew and then announced she was pregnant. He wasn't impressed and I was broken by the news. He told me this isn't what he wanted but felt he had to do the right thing and stay with her and my entire world crumbled.
That was last yr, she's since had the baby. And he's been in constant communication with me since he's ever left my side. Telling me he loves me, misses me, wishing he hadn't left the way he did and regrets what has happened but admits he has developed feelings for the new partner but can't let me go either. He's racked with fear of losing me and thinks about coming home all the time. All of this has made me hang on to hope as crazy as it sounds. But I put my life and soul into this man and our life and our future and I've small children to him. Yes, I would go back. I'm terrified of life without him, he is all I've known from 16! He was my best friend. I really miss him.
The new partner however has recently discovered pictures of me on his phone, one naughty one and the others are of me and the kids since we split up. He begged me to say I sent the naughty one by mistake otherwise he'd lose contact with his baby. She contacted me and I tried to play it off that it was a misunderstanding and I mistakenly sent it. I made myself look like a fool sending pics to my ex who she thinks wants nothing to do with me. I am afraid she's going to tell everyone and I stupidly went along with what he wanted to save him but also to save myself from looking like the other woman, but in my head I still view him as my other half because I still love him and because he declares all this love to me. I keep listening to him saying he's gonna come back when he can figure this all out as we live in quite a small town. I see him and her everyday. It's heartbreaking for me. I've believed everything he has told me, thinking that he genuinely wants to come home to me and his other kids (he sees our kids fairly regularly)
I dont know what to do here. What if she does let this all out, am I supposed to tell the actual truth because I don't want to be seen the way I portrayed myself to save his ass. That picture is on his phone because he requested it, I have all his responses, I have a list of all the calls he makes to me. If she exposes me in a malicious way, should I stand up for myself??? Am I supposed to stop believing what he's telling me, because I've genuinely been believing him, seeing how upset he is and how confused he is over everything. I think he feels really stuck between 2 women and both have his kids. The new baby obviously wasn't planned by him, I do think the other girl deliberately got pregnant when she knew he was coming home to me and the kids. I do believe that he genuinely wants to be back home but how crap he's going to look to everyone if he leaves this younger girl after getting her pregnant to come back to his original family. And then part of me sometimes wonders if I'm just being completely lied to or he's leading me on knowing fine rightly he's not going to leave her, but if something should go wrong he has the safety of me to run back to.
It's so unfair because I genuinely love this man. I'm completely broken by everything. I hate my new single life as a single mom, I trusted this man not to do this to me. Ive tried making new friends and doing life without him but I'm so severely depressed that I hate waking up each morning having to feel how I do every single day, I just want him to come home. I thought I was more important to him. Am I just being played here by him? I feel really stupid
