LovelyRoses

I know but it’s rare I find someone I click with whats also ruining my confidence is the fact I keep going on first dates with men. And I just don’t feel any click whatsoever with them. There’s no spark of attraction. The men say they wanna see me again and I say ‘absolutely.’ but they never even text me after the date. It’s happened 10 times this year. And I know I’m not attracted to them (which is something I worry about), but if a guy at least asked me on a second date, it would give me a bit more of a confidence boost, it’s kinda scaring me. Like I’m friendly on these first dates, but I’d expect someone to at least text me afterwards

I phoned him afterwards as the message seemed rather vague. He spoke to me about it but he didn’t talk about ‘us’ or how it would affect our dating. I gathered he didn’t even know himself at this point so I told him ‘I appreciate how stressful this is. I’m here to talk if you need someone to talk to but I’m going to give you some space.’

After our third date. It was legit, he was rather upset. He still kept seeing me after this and actually become more communicative

Here is the message he sent me ‘Hey, Some bad news to share from my side, that has come completely by surprise. The company I work for presented me with a settlement package yesterday, paying out my notice period and therefore with an almost immediate finish date. I'm not sure if I've explained my skilled worker sponsorship/ visa conditions, but it is dependent on my being continuously employed by a company holding a sponsorship licence, in a certain type of job role (insert job name here). The conditions of my settlement package creates a need for me to rapidly re-evaluate my life here in the UK, and an incredible amount of pressure to find a plan that allows me to stay. As you can probably guess, this is a difficult headspace to be in with limited clarity at the moment. I can only apologise for how this probably changes the expectations between us considering the recent time we've spent together. I'll need to take a few days to talk to solicitors, look into new work opportunities, etc. I'm really sorry, but I don't think I'm in the right place to come down to London tomorrow. I hope you're well.

He did tell me ‘I’m really enjoying getting to know you but this probably affects the expectations given our recent time together and I can only apologise for that.’ That was a when he lost his job and in fact he became more communicative with me. After that

I know but anything can happen in this strange world. He’s the one that wanted to meet up with me on several occasions 2 months after he ended things. He even looked into my eyes and said ‘oh gosh we get along so well don’t we, it’s so good to see you.’ And I know that’s just words but he’s the one that made all the plans to see me . maube I just see what happens and don’t wait around

Well he has just moved away and has started a new job the last few weeks. He’s not even been online. He’s very career focused so I may hear from him when he’s settled into his new job. He’s moved up near where my family live and he says he doesn’t know anyone there. He’s asked if I would introdcue him to my brother so they can play golf together (my brother is a golf professional).

If he does reach out again, shall I just tell him how I feel? I’ll say I want to date you or I will not see you at all as friends. I was hung up on my ex even the day I met this guy. I was so happy to feel attraction again. It’s just like there’s no attractive men in my city, genuinely, who are single. I see looooads of cute guys around but they are always taken It’s just this fear I won’t find it again . All my friends are getting married and having kids and that’s all I want

I am anxious but only about love my anxiety is mainly around attraction. That I had an ex 2 years ago and I just couldn’t feel attracted since then I met this man on the dating app. I just swooned at this man all the time. He would show me photos on his phone of himself and selfies and I would just buzz with attraction to him. Which is so so rare for me. I feel attraction so rarely I feel it will be years until I find someone again basically I’m 29 and have only ever felt physical attraction 2 times in my life. So when I met this guy, coupled with our intellectual connection, it just felt exciting. I would finally have sex! I enjoyed kissing for the first time. I felt like a real adult moving toward finding a partner.

We do still communicate, we’re both learning to make bread so we share bread updates with each other. But then he started his new job and hasn’t reached out to me for several weeks. I’ve decided that when he does come back and suggest meeting up, I’m going to be honest with him and tell him that I’m still attracted to him so I’m not sure it’s a good idea. Can a man’s romantic feelings be influenced by where he is in his life? Eg he lost his job, he’s deciding wether to stay in my country long term. I go on so many dates and every date the man likes me but I don’t feel the attraction, but it’s really sad to me that the first time I actually feel an attraction they don’t want me romantically. It’s really confusing and what else confuses me is you know how I go on dates and there no attraction, I wouldn’t go on several further dates with that guy or kiss or sleep with him. Like it’s either I like them or I don’t , but maybe men don’t operate in the same way i guess I’m just worried I won’t feel it again. Last year I started to worry I was asexual as the attraction wasn’t coming

Thanks. I’m going to try and move on. I suppose he was attracted to me but didn’t really know what he wanted, at least that’s what I think now. sometimes I worry that the distance behave he did even meant there was no attraction there at all. I hope him kissing me wasn’t just fake on his part. I’ve been thinking about what to do if we do reconnect once again. Is romantic feelings something that’s there in the beginning or not at all? Sometimes I wonder if his uncertainty about whether he wants to stay in my country might have an effect. Who knows I hope it doesn’t mean something wrong with me if I go on other dates and don’t feel that spark. I feel it so rarely but with him I felt comfortable and familiar on the first date, just good vibes. Wish he gave things more of a chance after he lost his job

Everyone on here though keeps telling me I was imagining that connection though. But I know he wasn’t. I had hope when he came back. I’m angry that I feel he was my only chance as why throw away a connection like that? I think he knows we have a good connection too hence he keeps in touch. well this guy lost his job when we’d had several dates but he’d been distant before that, I assumed as stressed with work. He used to reassure me ‘I don’t normally work this much!’ Then he lost his job and his visa was expiring. He started to reconsider if he will go back to his home country. That’s when I noticed he pulled away and ended things. Perhaps he didn’t want to get too close then he wanted to meet up as friends and said he had been thinking of me. He seemed happy to see me.felt we were growing close again and then he pulled away once again

I know I sound like I’m repeating myself, it’s just I go on so many dates and I don’t feel a drop of attraction at all. It just feels like speaking with a friend and I don’t know why that is but when I went on a date with him, it was different and it felt exciting. The conversation flowed. But then he was distant, just like I am on dates where I don’t like the men, but he was different in that he continued to accept dates, then sleep with me and initiate a lot of physical contact. And I don’t deny me and him get along, but it makes me feel really crap if he only saw it friendly between us and led me on. I don’t know how men work but basically I have this fear I will continue to go on endeless dates forever and not find that spark ever again. I really felt it for him, we had a lot in common it’s scary.

Thanks that’s reassuring.I’ve been going on some other dates. Sadly don’t feel a drop of attraction like I did for the last guy which is disheartening. Makes me worry I won’t feel it again i keep coming home from dates and worrying that something wrong with me as I don’t feel a spark with anyone. Last guy was the first person I felt it too in a while and he was hot and cold.

Ok I’m moving on now. I’ve got kinda addicted to advice seeking on forums as a way to soothe my feelings. I’m worrying now that I am ‘crazy’ or the red flag with this coping mechanism. It’s like venting gives me reassurance of the situation. I hope that doesn’t make me crazy, I don’t know why I do this . I appreciate peoples opinions

Yes and maybe the fact his brothers are settling down (they live the other side of the world), his family misses him, and he’s unsure about his future in this country means he was just hesitant to pursue anything serious. Honestly that might be it on dates he used to talk about how he felt far away from home and it was difficult

A month ago we last saw each other. He took me to play golf. I’ve just realised most dates were kinda things he wanted to do too. Like took me to a rugby match, then a cheese and wine bar he wanted to try in his town. And then as friends a few weeks ago, to go play golf at this golf place think guy would just invite me to these things as he’s lonely? Hmmm he’s not spoken to me for like 2 weeks but last thing he told me he was stressed starting new job

But that’s the thing I have lots of friends but no one interested in me romantically. It’s never happened and I’m 30 hence I was excited for this guy, especially when he held my hand, I’ve never held a man’s hand before and that was just lovely! And I don’t understand how that isn’t romantic

I know I know thank you for this though. it’s just more confusing when the whole time we were dating, he kept acknowledging how well we get along together. And then the last time we hung out, he told me he’s missed me as we ‘get along so well and we’re just like each other.’ and then I just think, if we get along so well, why aren’t we together? I don’t get on well with anyone as much as I do him

No he lost his job a few dates in. But he wasn’t sure he would move back to his home country. He starts a new job now but a few hours away but it’s weirdly in the village that my parents live. Small world

Pretending to be friends? this evening he’s started sending me funny reels and memes on instagram again. Don’t know why he chooses to do this sometimes. He’s just moved to a new city for his new job. The city is my home town but he said he doesn’t know anyone there .I’m getting used for loneliness?

I just felt like I might have got my first boyfriend. Did a lot of self help books and other things and I felt like my best self when I met him. When he matched me, he superliked me and it was all exciting. My friends said when I was dating him I seemed happy and I was. I just didn’t know he would give me hot and cold behaviour. I reckon he just wasn’t ready for any serious kind of relationship. He loves his solo travel every few weeks, he’s very independent. I hope I will find someone else that will like me. I do like myself but rejection stings and makes me wonder is what I like about myself even real?

I wouldn’t describe myself as ‘pain’. I’ve never been a pain to him. Only a supportive person. He’s pulled back now but he does check in from time to time. We both learning to make bread and he sent me some of his sourdough starter the other day, and sent me some tips. That’s kinda nice. I maybe should be reassured he at least likes me as a person somewhat. Think I’m just feeling fragile after a bereavement and lonely and being critical of myself that people don’t like me

Maybe I’m just being a bit self critical and I did ok, we just weren’t a match

When we were ‘dating’ I assume they were romantic dates before he ended things and said the romantic aspect wasn’t coming through for him, whatever that meant. So like dinners out, theatre, activities like escape rooms, going to watch a sports match, having a ghost tour. whether he was just lonely and needed someone to do things with . He did say he was looking for companionship then we reconnected 3 months later as friends. Doing some activities again but platonic. Then he has stopped messaging me I don’t really change how I act at all. I feel I show up authentically. It’s just when we were dating his communication style made me rather anxious. Taking days to reply. I first started to ask why he does that. Then he changed a bit and I observed that, then I was confused again and struggled to know how to communicative my own frustrations. So I became soft like ‘it would be really nice and I’d like it if we talked a bit more, it would make me feel more connected to you.’ Instead of being more harsh and firm. It was hard to know what approach to take