This is a long one with a lot of backstory but need some help sorting out my feelings.
unfortunately this one doesn’t start out good. I was married for 5 years and the relationship wasn’t going well, not that this is an excuse for what I did. I found some one in a similar situation and we started talking and ended up having an affair. Setting some ground rules of not trying to change the other ones situation and no falling in love. Well I’m sure you can guess we ended up falling crazy in love.
after a while I couldn’t do it anymore and asked for a divorce. After knowing there can be someone out there that gives me everything I’ve ever wanted in a relationship. We continued seeing each other but they weren’t ready due to children. I tried to never pressure but eventually it got to be too much for them and they said “they were going to try and focus on their marriage” so we went no contact.
I was crushed I had never loved someone so much and they said the same thing but right person wrong time I guess. After a while I started dating again. Found some really great people but no one compared to them in my mind. Never had anyone I dated go anywhere serious.
About a year after going NC they found a way to reach out to me. I couldn’t help but be excited to hear from them again. We started talking again. Found out that they were single over time she explained why. After us going nc their marriage got worse. They ended up starting an affair with someone new and got caught. After the marriage split they moved in with their AP. Not sure what happened but they didn’t end up working out and that’s when they found me again.
they weren’t ready to start dating again after everything that happened but let out that they were on tinder going on dates “for the confidence boost”. I couldn’t sit there and watch them go on dates knowing that’s all I wanted. So I tried to break off communication but we couldnt last. Ultimately ended up giving the ultimatum of I can’t sit and watch them date so either date me or go NC for good.
we did end up starting to date. Everything was going amazing. Thought I was getting the relationship I always wanted. Some thoughts of jealousy did start to creep in, thinking about before we started dating and were just talking she admitted to sleeping with one of the tinder dates and that they had gone on 4 dates. As well as the fact that they started having an affair again after me and tried to go legit with them. They told me things like “they were trying to get over me and forget me” “no one was you”
unfortunately these thoughts got the best of me and one night I snooped through their phone. Found things that kind of got to me. Sending a picture of the tinder date that they slept with to their friend saying “I spent all day and night with this hottie” talking about sexting on snap chat. old screen shots of text to their AP saying things like “I love you so much I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you I’m so glad you found me”. Talking to their friend about wanting to get engaged to the AP now that they are legit.
now I’m lost. I can’t help but feel like was everything they told me a lie? If not does it cheapen what we have? Am I not as special to them as I thought I was.
not sure where to go from here. If you read all of that thank you. Any advice or insights on where to go from here
