Saza

I totally agree. Although he has made efforts, I feel that he's not taking this situation as seriously as people in his life.

@boltnrun I like your suggestion a lot actually. To be honest, the housing situation isn't ideal. Although we can fit ourselves and all the kids in my house, kids need to uncomfortably share bedrooms and the older ones complain about that. The house is quite large, but a bit short on bedrooms. If I had it alone, it's a bit too expensive for my needs. Before I met my current partner, I was actually considering selling and moving to a town house with same number of bedrooms but that would have less monthly expenses. I chose to keep it as it has nice living space for a larger family. Also, his kids' mother lives in a completely different part of the city and the kids (and him) have a big commute when they're with him on school days. Living separately would actually make a lot of sense. He could then work on his mental health and finalize his custody battle without involving me in every exhausting detail of his life.

I'm not trying to minimize anything. I posted here because I had concerns and doubts. It's easy from a bistander's perspective to say "drop everything and leave". But when you have been in a relationship with someone for some years, that you invested a lot in that person and your future together, that you love them deeply - I mean, that you said yes to marrying them! - to walk away is a heartbreaking decision to make. When I left my ex husband, our relationship kind of ran its course. We were trying to hold things together for the kids but didn't have much love left for each other. And although separating was obviously difficult, I felt emotionally at peace that it was the right decision. I was ready to move in. In the present situation, I just feel an immense heartache. I have a hard time accepting, to be honest, that he cannot change, that the situation will not improve

Ah! I see. Well, he actually ran after him and had a short discussion with him in the hallway and talked him into coming back. This was 30 minutes into an hour session. The rest of the session was mostly focused on discussing how my partner could get individual support.

The therapist looked concerned. He asked him if he was doing individual therapy. My partner said that he was between therapists, so our couple therapist asked him if he would agree for him to send him a few suggestions of therapists. He proposed that he see a regular AND a cognitive therapist alternating weeks.

Thank you everyone for your input. I greatly appreciate hearing everyone's stories. I don't have a lot of experience with mental health issues, and especially not in such close proximity. Hearing other people's experiences has really helped have a clearer view of the situation. It's hard to accept that someone you love and that you know loves you sometimes acts in ways that are hurtful. And it's natural, I think, to hope that this can be addressed. I think that at this point, I don't have very high hopes that this can be resolved or that this will improve. As such, I'm definitely leaning more towards leaving him than staying. However, I do want to discuss the situation in more dept with a therapist. I did make an appointment for this Friday.

@LootieTootie Wow! That actually does sound like my partner. When he had his manic episode in the summer, he was incessently talking. It wasn't delusional per say as when he had his psychosis, but perhaps more like unrealistic and not feasible. He had a million plans, and clearly none of these things were going to happen. To be honest, he's still being quite difficult at the moment. We had a couple therapy session yesterday to safely go over what happened, and he got very upset at my side of the story and walked out of the therapy session. In August, after his mania, he was also very irritable for quite a few weeks.

@rainbowsandroses @Seraphim thanks for this info. He is getting a psychiatrist. He never had a psychiatrist follow him for an extended period of time. From what I understand, he is getting a psychiatrist soon and will get a proper assessment and will be followed.

I'm confused. The medication caused psychosis. He's never had a psychosis before but has been in manic states. I'm not saying that it's impossible for him to be bi-polar. I'm not a psychiatrists and don't have the tools to diagnose him. I'm just trying to get a better grasp at what I'm dealing with, and whether this can be managed or not. It's difficult to make decisions when you don't have all the info

Interesting. Thanks for sharing this info. I wonder if different people perhaps react differently to the meds? Is that a thing?

I said "apparently" as that is what the nurse practitioner and that psychiatrist think is what happened. But there is no way of being 100% certain I guess. However, the fact that he had recently started a much higher dose and that this medication can cause psychosis indicates that this was probably the cause. That's what the psychiatrist thought. Also, I just want to clarify that he has not been diagnosed with BP1. I had a private conversation with the psychiatrist at the hospital who suggested that he should get a complete assessment. She was leaning more towards a personality disorder than BP1, and thought that he might have been given the wrong meds for most of his life.

I agree. It's not well-managed right now. That needs to be addressed.

He was taking his medication as prescribed. Apparently it's the medication that caused the psychosis this time (probably paired with high levels of stress). When I met him he had been taking Seroquel for a number of years. He went off it about a year and a half ago as it was really affecting his ability to be productive at work. He had discussed this with his doctor who agreed to let him see how he would manage without medication. I did notice him having more mood swings after that, and he had a manic episode in August when he was dealing with an excessive amount of stress. After that incident, his doctor prescribed setraline to help him better manage his stress-related anxiety. It did wonders to his mood, and we had a wonderful period when he was emotionally super stable. It was awesome. About a month ago, his doctor significantly increased his dose to help him cope with an upcoming Trial (for custody). This triggered a psychosis! He is currently back on Seroquel. I'll admit that he's not keen on taking it but has been taking it nonetheless for now. He's waiting for a new psychiatrist to contact him. He's gonna get a full psychological assessment and he's hoping to try different meds and get off seroquel. That's kind of where we're at right now.

That is a tricky question! Relationships are not all black and white. My ex husband didn't have a mental health issue as such, but had a very difficult personality. He was extremely selfish and self-absorbed. He was eager to take from others, but mostly unwilling to compromise or give back in return. He had a short fuse and everyone was constantly walking on eggshells. My current relationship is a million times better than that to be honest! My point is that perhaps a well-managed mental health issue is not as bad as poorly managed personality issues. Every relationships has good and bad aspects.

I'm truly sorry to hear about everyone who shared their stories of childhood trauma after dealing with a parent with mental health issues. Hearing your stories has been helpful. This relationship journey hasn't been easy so far, that's for sure, and that last episode has certainly been eye-opening. I do certainly not wish to cause any harm and trauma for my children. Maybe I'm a fool but I can't help being a little hopeful? I got in touch with my therapist that I saw at the end of my mariage and through my separation. She was very helpful helping me navigate all of that at the time. Perhaps she can help me with this as well. To be honest, I don't think I'm ready quite yet to give up and move on. Does that make sense?