Minipic132

Very true. I'm simply needing to grieve not having that holiday is all, so I was caught up on it. Denial. Thank you for expressing the seriousness here. And you're right, it wouldn't had been romantic 😞

Thank you for communicating the true gravity of the situation. I'm starting to see this not as a simple conflict to talk through, but serious & probable likelyhood of future safety concerns. This will not be my life.

I was planning on it in the case of him cooperating and taking this in stride. But he hasn't answered back and his attitude last night paired with everyone's answers is revealing the seriousness of it all loud and clear. All my loved ones say get gone or firm boundaries. And I thought, dependant on how he reacted to my boundary, that that would decide which course of action to take... But I'm not going to put myself in danger, I will learn from my last relationship. And thank YOU, because I needed to hear that this is real and dangerous and my instincts are off completely.

Goodness. This is so completely and utterly terrible...

*sigh* Indeed. Also, one cap to another, the tough love was a good wake up call, indeed 🐐😓🐆

Domestic assault is domestic violence, correct? In my head, those are two kinds of terms but had to correct myself in case they were different 🙇‍♂️

Very true.. And I'm absolutely still in shock, so thank you for saying that with tough love. 🙏

The felony is for shooting someone in the face with a bb gun, as they were trying to steal his truck. That was when he was 17, and he is 30 now. However, he's accumulated 4 more domestic violence charges, the last one being 4 years ago.

Thank you. He is 30 and the bb gun shooting was when he was 17, but his latest charge was 4 years ago. Thank you for revealing the attitude. I feel like a blindspot lifted, along with a pattern with these guys now. Ugh. 🙏✨️

We've been dating 6 months. He is 30 years old, and the BB gun shooting was when he was 17. Thank goodness for the justice system and records.

(----> This was actually my message that I sent him today.) Hey, I love you, and good morning when you read this. I've changed my mind on not bringing this up again, and I'm instead going to need a few days to process this news. It's not the fact that you're a felon that is the issue here. In fact, I believe people change all the time. The Garret I know is someone who upholds virtues like respect, candor & forgiveness & is a morally-just person. I'm upset with the fact that you weren't upfront with me about it and potentially would've never brought this up at all. Especially after I told you my history with my ex. I need a few days to sort out how I feel. I most likely will ask you more questions, and though I understand you're rightfully not wanting to sit on a topic that was such a dark time for you, I am owed an explanation of at least why you decided to not tell me? Is it because letting people know beforehand went wrong? Did previous exes know/not know about this? Out of consideration for you and your reaction tonight, please just write this on a text. I feel this would be the least triggering option for you, but if you'd like to answer in another way feel free to.. IRL, I'd still like to carry on our normal routine and trust that you will reply in your own time, hopefully by Valentines day...( I just want to celebrate the holiday in peace with you) But this is important to me. I am also not wanting to be stuck on where you were and not trying to see you for who you are now and to where you want to be in the future. The crud you went through shaped you into the man you are today, and if that part of your life is over, you need to be upfront with it, particularly when it concerns someone who will be directly impacted like me down the line. At one point, I had to find out that my exes rival was out for me in my last relationship and that I was in danger, and so a question of saftey comes up. What if a family member of the guy you shot decides to get revenge on you (and by association, me) down the line? That's really reaching, I know, but seriously, you should have told me from the get-go. Is this something I should be concerned about? And practicals like would this mean you & I would be unable to get a mortgage in the future? Travel? adopt? etc?

The last charge was 4 years ago. And indeed, love is not enough.

And I do not live with him or share any assets no. Learned that lesson a long while ago.

Yeah... Thank you, seriously, for stating thr gravity fo the situation like that for me... I've had a history with abuse, and it feels normal. I've done alot of therapy, but I still have wide blindspots I'm realizing 😞

And I would've respected his forthcoming more, yes. As long as you aren't dabbling in it and not in that world anymore, I'm not wanting to judge who he is now to who he was. I was also a wild teenager (just no charges) and was reckless in my youth but I'm a different version of myself. I was candid and transparent from the very first date about my mental health history, speeding, etc.

For shooting someone in the face with a bb gun. He was 17 when it happened. The fastest charge was 4years ago, and he has 4 counts of domestic violence.

This is a trend unfortunately now, isn't it? From the outside looking in, they both seemed to be hard working, simple, and honest men. They had this quiet mystery which is probably now that I'm realizing what is my blind spot, over functioning perhaps emotionally 🤔

It does, doesn't it? Thank you for all the feedback, it's quite revealing what I chalked up to be innocent emotional disregulation.

I have now been with him 6 months. I did an initial background search when I began dating him, but I didn't see anything on the states casenet other than just regular traffic infractions. I asked him if his records were sealed or expunged (what my ex did) but he said they were not. So I bit the bullet and bought a background check, and it came up with more history...

The fact that he hid it from me does more. Character-wise, in the present, he seems like an upstanding, respectable, honest guy... but behavior is a language. 😓

He owns his own business, most likely due to not finding work in retrospect. And indeed, thank you for bringing up this pattern. I was raised Latin catholic and did indeed voulenteer at prisons with my dad growing, and believe in forgiveness, but previously stated it'd his attitude thst counts...

No, both were law abiding, regular guys who seemed transparent and unassuming. Both didn't drink, do drugs (although he sold them 🙄), and another admitted to using drug back into teens. Both were trying to be healthy so much in their lifestyle, they even didn't eat sugar and were vegan and had a curfew before 11pm.

I found out my boyfriend hid his felony from me. I found out after a chance encounter with a client and her husband previously knowing him. I tactfully and kindly asked my boyfriend tonight thst if ever, was he going to tell me and he said, "if it ever came up..." Better yet, he knew that I broke up with my ex because of his old drug dealing past (to which I didn't judge initially, but my ex eventually wanted to get back into the business, to which we subsequently broke up). I love him still and he seems like a changed man, but when I brought it up he got moody, upset, and wouldn't talk much to me. I'm at odds with myself, and can't decide if it's a dealbreaker or not.