Lostlady07

I just wanted to give a little update & thank you all for your advice. It really does help those of us in a difficult place. I'm feeling much better, seeing the emotional abuse for what it was (Thanks Wiseman) I also wanted to let others see that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Having read the answers a few times, I need to step away from the " Alpha aggressive types. I have been on a few dates with a sweet Sensitive man who is the opposite of my ex. While it is very early days & I never intended to be back dating this soon - we are going very slowly. Thanks so much everyone. I feel that my ex sucked the life out of me & I am starting to feel like myself again.

They are great kids but I think he has made out to them that it was all their mothers/ ex Stepmothers fault. I now know that it is not the likely case. He called her a narc & acted like a victim. It seems maybe it was him that was the abusive one. I guess no woman ends a marriage with the father of her kids lightly. Everybody here really has helped me a lot.

So basically what I was trying to say - (rather badly it seems) was that Nobody was allowed to treat his daughters badly but he thought it ok to treat me like crap. Of course I have never involved his kids in what has happened. They think he is fantastic & he has always blamed their mother. Apparantly she always had him in tears, was abusive to him. She was a narc etc. There is no worries of us getting back together as although I knew he was watching my social media especially recently. I've not heard from him.

Now I do. At the time I just thought he was being a macho typical dad I feel really stupid now thinking back to some of the stuff he said. It seems like he hid his true character for a long time. He also pretended to like cats at the start of our relationahip but that changed in the second year.

I live with my kids & look after a very sick relative. They have a good relationship with their dad. He did not always treat me badly. It started a year & a half into our relationship. His mental health was in a very bad place & he became increasingly misogonistitic. He really seems to hate women. There was no signs of that at first. He claims he was treated terribly by his ex & that she is a narc. He always said he would kill any man who treated his daughters badly. He did not seem to see his own double standards. Also he would regularly put on the tears. From reading your replies I'm beginning to think that this was to manipulate people. Wiseman2 - he hid those red flags very well at the beginning.

No my friends are great but so was he for the first year & a half. Then he started getting quite critcal of me. It was vague at first. Then all affection stopped but he has some severe physical health issues going on so I never pressured him. I helped him out a lot with that. Is Better Help online?

I think I was indeed his security blanket. He did like to be in charge of everything. I was completely blind sided when he left as I thought his behaviour was down to his severe depression. I had no idea it was because he was not happy with me. Whenever I asked about "us" he said there was no problem.

Yes I have considered it but a couple of months ago my financial situation changed & it costs a fair bit of money. I have kids that take up all my finances & I look after a very sick family member so not much free time

I guess because he seemed to really value me & was ringing me 4/5 times a day, making plans for the following year etc & then it all changed. He was also having a real hard time when he left. Everything was going wrong for him Boltnrun - He told me he loved me so I was happy to give/help out because I cared. With my friends - we are all givers & help each other out so it came natural to me

I actually did get the ticket myself. Also the outfits needed & then 2 weeks before it. He left. I never went in the end as did not want to see him there. I remember being very shocked at the time that he did not get me a ticket. He 100% had the money. I often wonder what I did to deserve such terrible treatment

Thanks Guys. I just try to do my best for people. I've had a very tough life my whole life but always made the best of it. He never really showed any red flags other than I saw him have a physical row with a close family member. I should have left that day & never looked back. He always seemed afraid I would leave. Always telling me not to give up on him. It was him that gave up on me & I still have no clue what I did. The treating me terrible started when his mental health took a bad decline

I have decided to remove him from our remaining connections. Have got a few self help books He does not have any friends. He is very much a lone wolf. There is one who he chats to on the phone but this person lives 5 hours away. I am fortunate to have great friends & we all help each other out I did not know about his mental health issues when we got together. I feel a bit better today. Though I have good & bad days & all I see everywhere at the moment is Valentines stuff which does not help. I don't know why I am so attached to him

Wow Catfish. That hit deep. I have just woke up & this lovely meaningful reply has - along with all the others helped me so much. Thank you everybody for the genuine & honest help. It puts things in a whole new perspective. I always wondered why his ex wife could not wait to get him out of the house. He told me that she said he was mentally unstable. He acted the victim & I took him at face value. He is living with the parent hoping to get the house & does not want his two other siblings to get a share. As he would have nowhere to go. His poor surviving parent deserves a bit of peace in her final years. At least I won't be around for that mess when it happens.

Thanks guys. 2 very lovely replies. I don't regret the help I gave them. I made their life a lot easier at a very difficult time. This parent does indeed greatly depend on this son as the other's don't pull their weight. He would & can be very intimidating at times. He has had some massive rows with this parent. He likes to be in control a lot. Still though the coldness of them afterward, one would think I had broke his heart or done something terrible. I have had 2 other long term relationships & the exes parents regularly contact me & one certainly does not sugarcoat why me & her son are not together! Don't get me wrong I'm not expecting to be in the parents life any more but it would have been appreciated if they had been civil when I reached out.

Yes they asked for the help & they were having a very hard time so I did all I could because I cared! Not to please him as such. I was welcomed into the family. Told the door was always open etc. I tend to be a nice thoughtful person to those I care about - friends etc so of course it stings/hurts when you are discarded so abruptly via phone call after two years. The parent seemed delighted I was in their sons life & regularly told me so. Said he had fallen on his feet with me. The adult children are young adults & at that age - Doing their own thing. My exe's brothers have wives & they only appearred on special occasions. It was always me keeping the parent company, taking them.shopping etc as their spouse had just died. My ex and this parent live together so I saw them a lot. So while I don't know what my ex told them. They knew me well enough to make up their own mind & until the break up - they seemed very fond of me

I really appreciate each & every reply. For 7 months now I have kept what really happened to myself so all your opinions & perspectives are really helping. How do you move on from someone you still love? The adult children will understand but there is also younger children. I don't want to hurt them. The parent in question - I don't expect them to take my side over their son but I did not expect the absolute rudeness from someone who used to tell me that I was the best thing that ever happened their son! I saw them several times a week. Brought them out & about etc. Plus I really did nothing to deserve any of this & went out of my way to be supportive to them all.

It was actually him that blocked me except on one platform that he was using to keep an eye. I feel awful blocking his younger kids who have done nothing wrong & who I miss badly.

I know. I feel that way. Like maybe his ex is not the villan at all in his story. He would cry at times begging me not to give up on him. It was not me who gave up!

I was actually doing well & then the breadcrumbs started. I was set right back. I did reach out in the beginning but got ignored. Like is the person that left in such a cruel way really him or was it just because he was in a dark place.

I am not very close to my family, have some great friends but don't want to be bothering them about it or tell them the full story. I don't get why he is watching my socials etc or how he changed from such a decent person to this monster. If his ex did really treat him as awfully as he said, why would he knowingly do the same to me? He also was always adament that his adult daughters were treated well by their boyfriends. But I am someone's daughter too. Thank you for the replies guys. Wiseman nobody until now has said it was abusive. I guess I am in denial. I just thought he might be avoident.

We are both mid 40's so not children. It had taken me a long time to get into a relationship when I met him. We did not live together but saw each other most days & he used to ring me 4/5 times a day. The money- he used to be very kind & generous as was I. Then he became extremely mean.. One example after he came into some money. He brought tickets for everyone for a certain event & left me out. Said he had no money but then spent £100s for props for the event. The ticket cost £20 Another time I asked for some food (in his house) as I had to take medication. He said he had none? I ended up in hospital. I was helping with his family as one parent died suddenly & with his health issues, I was driving them around - doing errands for him. Helping with his (wonderful) kids. Bringing him to appintments etc. Helping with family occasions - Birthdays, school events. I don't actually know if his ex was a narc. Only from what he told me & the surviving parent hated her. When I tried to reach out to this surviving parent as suddenly & unexpectantly I was abandoned & never got to say goodbye - they were quite rude to me. I feel so stupid & I have no trust at all in people anymore.

I was hoping the mistreatment was because he was very unwell. To be honest I feel traumatised by how he acted & that the parent who I helped so much was so cold towards me. I always treated him & them so well. They seemed to really like me as did his kids. It all came out of the blue! I just don't understand what has happened & why he is keeping an eye on me now but not trying to make amends/apologise. A few months ago he posted a quote about how sorry he was & that he loved me. It was not posted direct to me.

I was in a 2 year relationship. He was the first person I ever really loved. We are middle aged & both have kids. He told me his ex wife was a narcissist & was extremely cruel to him. We got serious pretty quick & he was full on with his love/gifts/affection. Then his health deterioriated & he also lost a parent & his job. At that time I had not realised he had a history of mental health issues. He became very critcal of me & downright mean with money/resources etc. Meanwhile I was doing all I could with hospitals, appointments & helping with his family. Suddenly out of nowhere I was dumped via phone call. I was totally blind sided even though all intimacy had stopped as I put it down to his serious health issues & depression. He was in a dark place at the time. I did the usual pleading/long messages etc. He ignored them & blocked me on some but left me on other platforms. His surviving parent was quite rude to me when I reached out to say I was sorry I did not have a chance to say goodbye. I was always very good to them so this upset me a lot. 7 months later I am still very upset. Lately he is watching my social media & trying to get me to react! I believe/hope his life is going better now. Should I reach out to him? I've not reacted to him in months. Is that what he is at or is it just breadcrumbs & why now?