Hi, I'm(25F) seeking advice on how my partner(35M) reacted last night.
On occasion, we swing and there haven't been issues regarding such. We have rules laid out and understand what makes one another uncomfortable which is why it worked for us. No judgment there, please.
We were provocatively texting a woman(30F) and I didn't read the entire conversation until the next morning. I saw he had reacted to her saying goodnight and I made a comment about it but, I only saw that from the notification. I woke up livid to find he arranged in conversation to have a long session with her, using his tongue, as well as from behind--never spoke of that being okay. I have mentioned previously that I don't like him taking a while when performing such on others. He seemed to have understood and respected such. His excuse was, that the female we were going to meet is a lesbian so she's probably only used to such. In conversation, he also spoke of making her legs quiver, then she responded and he responded "You and (my name here) legs." which made me feel like I wasn't included. Had I been included, he wouldn't have felt the need to correct himself but he said he knew I would feel some type of way about it and did.
During this conversation, I remained calm and collected and I've not been verbally abusive whatsoever. I'm a mother and I come from a previous relationship where my boundaries were crossed and I crossed boundaries so, I have a high tolerance for crap and I'm able to keep myself calm. We recently moved in together and have been seeing one another since July. He called me the B-word, continued to say how I make him want to call me names, and thinking we could work it out, I tried to talk to him twice about it. He threw an adult fit, I'm talking, slapping his knees, and throwing his phone. He also admitted to being a narcissist when I called him one. Trying to drop it, five hours later, I asked him to come to me and he said there would be no point. He's trying to find benefit in coming to me is what he said. So, I went upstairs, and at 2:30 AM I heard him leave the house. He said he was going to sleep in the parking lot at work, he's a foreman soon-to-be super intendant for a specialized construction company but, I've been cheated on in the past and I told him not to leave. He also threatened to leave me over this.
I must say, this isn't the first time he's cursed me out but, the third, and the last time, I told him, there would be consequences if it happened again.
