Susan

Thanks Batya33 for your thoughtful response. I've heard it said that expectations are pre-conceived resentments. ha,ha. Perhaps I do have some resentment. Perhaps I have expectations and want closeness with my family. I'm single and have good friends that nurture me. Sometimes I need my family. However isn't it just a little sad that parents and grandparents are supposed to be the strong ones, be there for others, not need or ask for anything, be self-sufficient and not express any negative emotions. Those are kind of unrealistic expectations to me. These seem to be our normal cultural beliefs in this secular North American society. They don't allow for human vulnerability, recognize loneliness which is epidemic, or allow for a healthy expression of how one is really feeling. Thank you for caring though and offering your thoughts and feelings.

Thank you. Great suggestion. I'll try that.

Hi Batya33 I hear you. They don’t regard holidays or communicating the way I do. I guess I can’t expect them to. And of course the grandkids have a life. it’s just hard when you can’t rely on family to nurture your spirit when you need it. That’s what I try to do for them as a family and individually. Huntingtons disease is like a black cloud hanging over us all. We’re all busy trying to mostly ignore it. I fear I’m running out of time with them. It’s also hard accepting that as you age you are not as relevant to the younger generations.

Hi Catfeeder Thanks for your response. You may be right, the grandchildren may have learned from my son’s example. its hard to say what the truth is about our relationship around holidays. We have talked about it and he expresses his stress and frustration having to deal with everything and especially his father who has quite regressed mentally with the disease of Huntington’s. Perhaps I get lumped in with the stressors. I sometimes think I should ignore their few communications, let them miss me, but two wrongs don’t make it right. I guess I’ll just have to keep busy with my own life and not expect too much from them. It’s just sad what this illness does to families.

Hi Wiseman2, Thanks for your response. We live close by each other so physical distance is not an issue. I see them every 2-3 weeks but only when I ask for a visit. My ex-husband has Huntingtons disease and is in long term care. My son is very stressed having to deal with him. I guess he sees what’s coming for himself I a few years. I do get along with my daughter in law however she hardly ever responds except through my son. You may be right, the grandchildren may have learned from their example. We have discussed counselling but they don’t seem ready to deal with the disease or emotions facing them all, potentially. I understand that’s common, and I think I understand. Perhaps holidays are too hard for them and they just want a break from family. It hurts that they don’t consider me a source of comfort and reach out to me.

I think I have a loving relationship with my 52 year old son’s (grand children 19 and 23) family, except they ignore my texts. I think they prefer using text because they don’t answer their phone usually. it makes me sad when they won’t respond to invitations for dinner or even Happy New Year! I try to always be there and helpful to them without smothering. During other times of the year they are a little more responsive but not holidays. Other than Christmas Day and birthdays, I feel so left out of their lives and unimportant. Although we tell each other I love you and I feel it’s real. we have an inheritable genetic disease of Huntingtons in the family. I wonder how that affects the gamily dynamics. It’s hard to talk about it and they don’t share with me about it. What can I do to deal with my feelings of emptiness on holidays. How do I tell them what’s going on with me without risking a backlash of resentment?