Lackdaisy

I'm sorry but that is not exactly what happened. I never wanted her to leave. I just wanted her to get help because I care about her and she is so very capable and I just wanted her to go to counseling and if she was going to take her prescriptions for anxiety and depression than to take them regularly instead of skipping two or three days. I did not even know that she called her parents. I was at work and she only told me later. I have no choice but to step back. How am I supposed to handle being away from a person that I've spent the last year with? I have actually become I guess what would be called a little bit codependent. I mean I love her.. I don't know what else to call it. All I want to do is encourage her and help her but I'm ending up just getting so frustrated about the situation that I don't feel like I'm doing that. I would do anything for this girl! This is the first time I felt in my life like I am truly in love like I would just do anything for her and she is perfect in every way and she is opposite in every perfect way and just everything about her makes me want to share my life with her and she makes me feel the same way. I don't know. It's hard to step back from that without being somewhat destroyed.

I'm sorry. I'm actively trying not to be too specific on some things. Her degree is mostly pre-med but she has two other degrees. Her parents do seem horrible and she also has three brothers and sisters that are treated in a similar way with financial things dangled over them in order to get them to do what the mother wants. That's why I say it's like a cult. She also checks up on them with GPS tracking, so there doesn't seem like anyway that we could even sneak around and see each other...Pretty much what this lady says, goes with the whole family are they are excommunicated from the family. I did not know the whole story of how horrible the dynamic was when I was encouraging her to have a better relationship with her family. I'm just a family person and always want to think it's a good idea to have a good relationship with your family but when I heard the full story I was not so encouraging. I have a pretty decent job and I could definitely support her, but I have a daughter from a previous marriage and part of the stipulation of the divorce as I cannot have overnight house guests so we would have to be married to make that happen. and that is part of my frustration. She says that it makes her feel bad when I buy her stuff and I offer to support her and she always over stresses herself trying to pay me back. It's like she has this mental thing about being supported by me but she thinks it's okay for her parents to support her because they owe it to her because of all of the abuse. It's mainly her mother, but her father is complacent because he always takes the mother's side and doesn't really take any action. I want to rescue her but she does not want to be rescued. She wants to get a job and be financially stable and get away from her parents and take a stand without being homeless when she gets kicked out. She does not want that to happen and I have made it clear that I would rescue her if that happened. It's just that her being financially stable at a job with insurance could take months or over a year and I really just don't have any ideas... Thank you again for your help

She is in her mid twenties. And she Western culture The whole reason she moved back to Florida was for her mental health. When she got there and moved all of her stuff into storage, her parents who she is completely dependent on at the moment told her that they would kick her out of the house cut her off from money and kick her off of they're really good insurance. She is going to therapy twice a week and she seems to be benefiting from it. Her parents just changed the terms of the agreement after she got there. We talk on the phone and video chat and even play some online games sometimes almost every day and for some reason they don't seem to care about that but they tell her if she sees me then she is not taking her mental health seriously and they are being really vague about it and she can't really get straight answers out of them at this time Her goals are exactly to be financially independent as soon as possible and she is trying to get an online job so that she can move around and move back with me. Her immediate plan was to get away from them but she does not want to be disowned by her family because that has already happened to her once before. She got kicked out of her house when she was 15. That's the kind of parents that she has she lived in her car for 2 years. Then she graduated high school early and graduated college early. She thought this would make her parents proud and they acted proud and then she moved back in with them and they tried to start controlling her again. That is when she moved to where I am and now the cycle has repeated itself

She is legal .. had a job in her field that she liked and then her boss started being very difficult so she quit and could not find a job in her field and took a job in the mental health department and it really affected her mentally and then she quit the job and we started arguing a lot because she pretty much stayed in the bed most of the time. I have never known her to be a lazy person until this time and we had lived together for over a year. One night she had a panic attack and I told her that if she was not going to help herself I need to talk to her mother or something and she got really angry and ended up calling her mom the next day which I was trying to get her mental health and I felt like I had no power except for to do that.

When she moved away her parents came and helped her move. Her parents promised her that she could come down there and take a vacation and not have to worry about bills and concentrate on her mental health and she would be able to come and go as she pleased and she would be able to see me, so we plan to trip and she okayed it with her parents several times until a couple of days before she was supposed to leave they got into a big argument and they threatened to cut her off and kick her off the insurance if she wasn't taking her mental health seriously and somehow I got lumped into that category because they think the age difference is too much. I have only met her parents a couple of times. I do show her unconditional love and I have enough money to support her. I'm not rich or anything but I have a considerable amount of money saved up and would totally marry her if I wasn't getting such confusing vibes. She does not want me to support her and that was part of her mental health. She has several college degrees and she is very smart and capable she just has some issues that she's trying to work through is what she is saying. It seems to make her feel worse the thought of me supporting her and she has never really been the kind of person that like gifts or spending a lot of money on her. It genuinely seems to make her feel bad. I appreciate you replying and giving me insight

Thank you for your help and replies. I am not trying to micromanage her mental health. She was having panic attacks and severely depressed and I was trying to get her help. I was supporting her when she lost her job, she knew that she needed help but she was slipping further and farther "toward the darkness" I only threatened to call her mother because she kept missing her appointments that she herself made. I did not diagnose her with anything. She has several diagnoses including ADHD and depression. There is also something else that I did not make clear. I am the one thinking that we cannot be in a long distance relationship. She is absolutely begging me to try and make this work even though she can't see me. It has just is started not to be good for my mental health. She does not want me to let her go and she is very sweet and very loving but it's kind of getting to the point to where I'm just not sure I believe everything that she says even though she hasn't ever really lied to me that I have known about. I think that we are truly in love with each other. I really want to be with her and she says that she really wants to be with me but is there any way we could make this happen?? Her plan is to become financially independent and get her own insurance and then come back to me but that just does not sound like anything but a fairytale. She is the one trying to talk me into staying in the relationship and the only reason that I can't agree it's because of the sadness and uncertainty. I would even consider getting a job to be closer to her if I did not have a child from another marriage. I am just looking for reasons or help on how to make this work and how not to feel the way that I do. I was married for a long time, and I thought that I was in love then, but I have never in my life felt more in love than I do with my present girlfriend. She makes me kind of doubt that I was truly in love the first time I thought I was. This is not something I take very lightly so I would appreciate maybe anything that could possibly be helpful ideas for me to stay in this relationship because I genuinely love her. I want it to work really badly but I don't know how I can be anything but depressed because of the situation while I'm with her. Thanks again

Hello. I have been dating a younger lady for over a year. We were coworkers and friends and it turned into best friends and then it turned into lovers. She is everything I have ever looked for in a companion and we had a good relationship but it was strained by her having terrible anxiety problems. At the time I met her she did not get along with her parents who live about 10 hours away. I often encourage her to have a better relationship with her family but she kept telling me that her family was like a cult. She is in her 20s but still on her parents insurance, so she got on anxiety medicines but I could not get her to go to therapy even though she said that she wanted it and she needed it. One day we had a bad argument relating to her avoidance tendencies and I threatened to call her mother to try to get her to get some help. That led to a series of events where she decided to go live with her parents to get some mental help and therapy. She left under the assumption that she could come and go as she pleased and still visit me and we could have a normal long distance relationship for a little while until she got her mental health in order and came back. Tomorrow is the day that we planned for our first trip together and her parents both agreed to it and yesterday I found out that her mother is forbidding her to go and telling her that she will be disowned and kicked off of the insurance and will no longer have a relationship with her parents if she ever sees me again. I think the main reason that she doesn't want me to see her daughter is that I am 20 years older. And I can kind of understand that because I never whatsoever meant to fall in love with a younger girl. We just had such a deep connection and I honestly thought my feelings for so very long. I kind of feel bad for dating somebody so young but I cannot help the way I feel and she says that she feels the same way and wants to marry me and have my kids and everything but but she does not want to risk being cut off from her therapy and medicine and counseling. I really need some advice on what I can do? I really just don't know anything to do and I am getting to the point to where it makes me so sad it's affecting my mental health. It's mainly because I feel totally helpless in this situation. I kind of feel like it would be easier to just break up right now then continue the stress of not knowing and feeling inadequate. Can somebody please give me some advice?. I have never posted on a forum like this and I just wanted to give it a shot because I'm at the end of my rope. Thank you very much!