Hey
This is going to be an odd story, so buckle up.
So I (30m) have hooked up with my current girlfriend (27f) and we’ve had a serious relationship for these past 3-4 years. It started out good, almost great, but I have begun to doubt in her mental stability.
To give you guys a bit of context, I’m from northern part of Europe and there’s a cottage or summerhouse culture around here, which is still prevalent to this day. There were a lot of these sort of lands handed out around 50-60 years ago and my mother-side grandparents were able to get one for themselves too. Our life style has looked like this for years (and decades before me), that we used to spend the time from mid-spring to autumn in that summerhouse and for cooler season we had, and still have, an apartment. I had thought about it for a long time to convert the summerhouse into the actual one, where you could live throughout the entire year and I was able to move in properly five years ago. While over the years it has been expanded from its original size, it is not the biggest house in the world, with total area around 65-70 square meters (We do have some further expansion plans)
Now the house needed A LOT of work still, but by that time it was liveable, although cooler winter days certainly proved to be challenging. For the past two years me and my dad have pushed pretty hard to get the house insulated properly to keep the heating costs down and just to make the life more comfortable here. I’d say we’re getting there, although there is still a lot to be done. We decided to tackle the job by ourselves, since this is a complicated renovation project and work costs would be tremendous.
The house itself is actually located in the outskirts of a bigger city, so the location is in a way really good actually, considering work opportunities etc. I got together with my girlfriend around 2020. We got really close by the mid 2020 and since she ran in a bit of financial trouble, I offered her to move in with me. She had already declared that she loved me and all that. Since my parents had used this house as a cottage for decades, they obviously wanted to continue doing so. I had absolutely no problem with that, my mother side grandparents lived also together with us until they eventually passed away, 2019 being final year for my grandfather and 2020 for grandmother. When we had this initial thought I also warned her about less than prefectly insulated house and that my parents come also to spend the warm season at the house. She made some faces, but agreed.
At first she used to be quite alright with maybe some of the minor quirks, but over time she turned out to be impulsive or straight rude towards my parents and at times, also towards me. We made a decision to go further with our insulation project and last year, 2022, we really got on with that. Me and my dad we are not really construction workers while we had some experience. We both have automotive and mechanical backgrounds. Thankfully, he was willing to help me out so we decided to extend our work schedule well into the late november when finally huge amount of snow hit the ground and we ended it there. Over that time, my gf became ruder and more capsulated, always complaining how difficult it is for her, although no one had done anything to her and actually we pushed ourselves more to get the work done more quickly, so she could feel more comfortable during the winter also. As expected, that is what she wanted too.
This year has been pretty much the same, so that we could finish most of the roof and now she has really lost it. Now get this – in August she held a birthday party and we had this cat before she came around. On her birthday she kidnapped the cat while I was sleeping and dropped it to the forest, around 60 km away from our home! All that to bring in a new cat for herself at the same day. Her reasoning was that she was afraid the two would get into fights. Obviously she lied at first, that the cat had run away, but eventually she cracked and confessed. I was at the verge of ending it all with her, but gave her another chance if she got the cat back. I insisted her to put up the lost cat posters to the surrounding area where she dropped the cat off and with in little time, she miraculously got a call – the cat had found a shelter. These kind people handed our old cat to her and she brought her back home. During her birthday party, she announced to the guests how much she loves cats in general….
Nevertheless, she is still rude all the time, does not talk properly to my parents when they are around and always complains how hard her life is, yet everyone have only made efforts so she could feel good here. On my part I get it too. It is not an easy situation also to cope with my parents for extended period of the year, but I did not keep this a secret and the past two years have been exceptional, since we really wanted to use these free moments to complete the renovation plan. I hoped that someone who was serious being together with me would get through that. She has this weird tendency of proving herself in a really weird way. Some examples – she never listens to any advice when she is doing something, although she may be completely wrong, she is very hesitant to loan any of her things to someone close in need and now she is always cooking on her own, although we used to simply share everything prior and did not complicated things in such way – making double dinners seems absolutely pointless to me.
More to that she is often really rude with her parents too, specially with her dad. I think they both are pretty cool personally and I get along very well with them. She is not very social and while she almost befriended with the girl next door, they ended up arguing and my gf obviously poured more gasoline to the fire, when she decided to confront her in an aggressive manner at my birthday. I’m not getting into details, I’ll just say that on that issue I sided with my gf, but I think yelling to my guest at my birthday is really too much.
I’ve had serious doubts after the cat incident. There have always been some red flags, but I was hoping I could better her in some ways. Obviously, she has positive sides too, like she works in the garden (a little bit, but still), likes to do laundry, keeps the house clean (our room is often a mess though), bakes well (she is a baker-chef, her main courses are not that good often though and I can cook quite alright too) and still cares about me in her weird way, but at the same time she’s destroying everything else around her. Also she wanted to get an apartment for herself, but could not get her funds together (longer story), although she did not want to break up with me.
I feel tired in a way. She has turned out far too egoistical and I feel if she decided to leave tomorrow, I would not be sad at all.
I apologize for the lengthy post, but I have not been in such a situation. What do you guys think of that? Have I put her in a terrible situation or does it seem to be her problem? Have you ever been with someone who has developed such personality traits? What do you think I should do? Let me know..