echooflaugh

Thank you! It means a lot

fears are not always rational, this is just my fear and I am getting over it.

Today is my birthday and exactly 3 weeks post breakup. I have been doing some souls searching, why did I always fall into a certain pattern? Why did I always ignore the red flags and hold on to guys who are clearly wrong for me? I think I eventually found the answer and the clarity. This is what I wrote on my timeline . I have been searching so hard for love , because I always thought that’s the only way to keep me from being alone and the fear of not having anyone around when I’m sick, old, need help or even when I’m happy , when I wanna go out and about. But I put so much focus on one person I forgot I already have the whole world. Now I just need to let those truly wonderful people in my life and let them love me, spread my love and care to them. And then I won’t ever have to be alone . ---------------------------------------------------------------- I It's been such a roller coaster year for me. The good, the bad, the ugly, the heartbroken, the financial loss, the emotional damage, the personal health issue...but I am here now, a year older, hopefully wiser too. I did realize that I have made choices which ended up harming myself, all in the fear of being alone. Not having my family close by always makes me feel that I don't have the support system when things fall apart. But throughout everything that happened this year, I realized I was never alone. I have a special group of friends, old and new, close and far, they all care about me, love me, ready to stand by my side to support me, through thick and thin. And my family, even if they are literally on the other side of the world, they are near to my heart and always willing to jump in and help me through anything. My perpetual fear is that I will end up being the old lady shopping for groceries alone, but I now know I don't have to be, if I chose not to be alone, if I chose to stay connected with my friends and family. This is the safest choice I've made in a long time. Happy Birthday to me and I love you all.

Def a lesson learned...Im just glad it was only 4 months not 4 years, I got out of early enough before real damage is caused

Frankly I have never been love bombed before. I didnt even know this term until this guy broke up with me, when I told my friends, they brought it up. I only had 2 long relationships before him, both lasted many years and we developed feelings and built connections over time....

I think my situation was a bit unique as I was going through a lot of trauma when I met him and so my judgement was clouded. Not trying to make excuses but I wasn't in my right mind even though I had doubts but I was very desperate to hold on to something good

Unfortunately that is very true...I was just in a bad place and couldnt recognize it.

The guy you met did sound very similar to my ex, I just kept ignoring the red flags and let him push my boundaries and let this relationship prolonged to a point that I was way too involved, and he pulled the rug under my feet. I kind of sensed he has debt issues, he mentioned before of having to work multiple jobs and needed a second job to bring an extra income even now (he's making very good salary already from his primary job but I guess all the spending and drinking and revolving debt drained it), so I dont think he intentionally lied about it but what you said about using me as an escape totally made sense. I wouldnt be surprised he already jumped back on dating app hoping to find his next escape...

Thanks for the insight....Ive never been with an alchie so I really didnt know what to expect. I always think social and casual drinking is Ok, Im not straight edge, I enjoy a drink here and there but I remember the first time my friend met us together to hang out, we went to a bar, and when "E" went to the bathroom, my friend said to me, dude drinks too much. And this is a very laid back friend who never comments on anyone Ive been with and I felt so embarrassed and even defended him. He did push me away pretty hard the night he broke up with me (after 7-8 beers) when I asked him not to drive to home after that much drinking, he pushed me and I fell and he left...I dont know what I was smoking back then that I thought there was still something salvageable between us, but now I know, it was a dead end since begining.

Thank you. Today he will come by pickup all his belongings and then I am blocking him everywhere. I am exhausted and felt broken, not because Im not over him, it was because all the lies and pretentious acts he put together and me buying into it....

Coming from someone who dated a person with ADHD and anger issues for 7 years, which ended up bad bad bad, Id say let him go. Anger issue is really hard to get over, really needs constant work and could lead to a very destructive path. I lived in pain frustration abuse for years and at the end he also fxxx me up financially.

My BF for about 4 months just broke up with me abruptly two week ago. I was heartbroken, crying non stop daily and couldnt find the closure. And today, I finally got some clarifty in my head and here is our story. I have been through a very tough year, broke up a 7 year long relationship last year and had to deal with aftermath house buyout drama for a good part of this year and I also went through an emergency surgery in the middle of all the mess. I dont have family in the US and on my way to ER with the excruciating pain, I was sacred, lonely and vulnerable. A week before my emergency surgery, I went on a first date with this guy, he is warm, fun, passionate and caring. We hit it off right away, but I got sick so I couldnt go on second date and told him. He immediately offered to visit me, brought me food, flowers, helped me walk my dog, fixed thing around the house...I just came out of a surgery laying in the hospital bed alone for a few days, and the only thing waiting for me was a letter from my ex's lawyer threatening to sue me for breach of contract cuz I got sick and couldn't close the house buyout on time as scheduled. For the next few months, this new guy "E" was the only sunshine in my life, he kept me company, did all sorts of fun stuffs with me. He told me he loves me on our second date and brought up marriage and moving in on the 3rd...I knew it was way too fast, but I was so desperately in need of someone in my life, I believed that this was meant to be, he was it. But as we became more familiar with each other and talked more, spending time more, there are a lot of issues started to surfacing. He is a heavy drinking, its what we called a highly functioning alcoholic, he has a decent job and two relatively young kids and never really seemed to let drinking damage his professional or personal life but he drinks daily, a lot, like 7 beers a day and when we went out, he constantly got drunk but he was a happy drunk so it seemed fun at times, but I soon became aware and annoyed and talked to him about it. He promised he will drink less, but he always comes up with excuses and opportunities to drink. Whenever we go out, either a trip or a night out, we are always out drinking and didnt have chance to do anything else. He also has a relatively messy past, after his divorce, all his previous relationships were short (no longer than 3 months) and random, he dated a married woman, had ONS, FWB while going on dates. when I questioned him, he said he was just hurt so much from his divorce (his ex wife cheated on him) and he made some mistakes, but after he met me he knew this is what he wanted and he is ready to commit for a LTR. He also has two young kids while Im basically child free, while this is not his issue but a situation, but he has 50% custody which means we can only see each other every other week. He pushed me to meet his kids, but I thought it was too soon and wasnt sure If I would want to live my life with two kids halftime with me. Thorough all this, we constantly talked about those issues openly and had difficult conversations but each time we came out Ok and he was able to convince me that he would work on his issues and work with me to build a good life and a future. The last straw came about 2 days before he broke up with me. We talked about money for the first time and he eventually admitted he is broke. I always knew he makes less than me and I never really cared about it. But I didnt know he is literately broke, living paycheck to paycheck, has zero saving, mountains of revolving credit debt, student loans, personal debts, etc and he is 40 years old already. I felt overwhelmed but he said this is his problem and it is manageable though he was struggling more than usual cuz he had a couple unexpected spendings. You see he never came accross as anyone has money troubles, he goes out a lot, likes to pickup the tap, always buying things freely and joins expensive gyms, spending money on unnecessary items (e.g. one of his unexpected spending was his car broke down, but when he had it fixed, he instealled a brand new sound system). We talked about this like everything else, and I eventually said I am ok with it and will work with him on all his problems. Two days later, he broke up with me. He said he fell out of love, he is a mess and needs to spend time to work on his own issues., He also said all the arguments from the past built up and he just couldnt handle it anymore. I said I am willing to work things out with him as a team, but he said he doesnt want to anymore. All my friends said I dodged a bullet, he did me a big favor. I couldnt see it, I just couldnt. Until today, I woke up and finally got the clarity and was like, wth am I thinking. Either he truly is in the mindset of wanting to focus on his own issues which I should respect, or he just falls back to his pattern of not being able to commit after rushing into things, regardless, we would never work out as is. When you are looking at someone through rose colored glasses, all the red flags are just flags.