throwaway12345

we have been together for a year and a half which i get isn’t a crazy long time. we do not live with our families anymore. we go to the same university and live in close apartments. and we are both from immigrant parents of different races. whereas i am very reserved and private, he is not. which i didn’t understand until we had a talk with one another about everything

thank you so much for saying all of this. to give you a little update, after a long night of reflecting, i know that i was in the wrong. there were some unresolved issues, and trying to have that sappy romantic date clashes with that. i know i acted incredibly immaturely, and i’d be lying if i said that my guilt isn’t eating me alive. but that is my problem, not his. we had a long hard talk about things. and we are doing better. we didn’t understand where the other was coming from at all. we were both confused, and i acted emotionally when i shouldn’t have.

thank you for the reply. we did have a long hard talk. and it seems that the root of everything was a big lack of understanding on both of our ends. relationships are hard to navigate, especially when mixing two cultures that differ exponentially. but i do love him, and i know how i acted was wrong and immature and quite frankly, stupid.

thank you for the reply, genuinely. i’m not in any way trying to depend what i did, because i know it was childish and incredibly immature. there was tension beforehand. some issues unresolved that we tried to sweep under the rug. and that kind of thing never works. i can say that both of us do not normally act this way. it was a build up of underlying problems, and for that i do take full accountability. i can confidently say that i will do anything in my power to make it up to him as we progress forward. but i wanted to really thank you for the reality check and not sugarcoating anything with me.

i’d like to start this off by thanking you for saying all of this. after some time alone i really did a lot of reflecting. did i feel sorry about my interpretation of the situation? - not really. but did i feel awful about my reaction to it? - absolutely. he doesn’t deserve to be treated that way, and i know that. tensions have been high due to a lot of stuff we have going on in our personal lives, and though we both try to support each other, it can get hard sometimes. i decided to redo our anniversary. i cooked him his favorite food (got the recipe from his mom) and afterwards have a long hard talk that we both needed. i think the biggest problem is a lack of understanding on both of our ends. regarding the money thing, we have both felt the need to be providers for our families. i have always felt like such a burden if someone pays for me, but that is MY problem. not his. and i left the floor open to him to open up about his thoughts and feelings. i really listened to what he had to say and we both thought of ways that we could work on things. relationships aren’t easy. but at the end of the day, i do really love him. i know this post looked bad on my end. and i do take accountability for my actions in behaving so immaturely and i made sure to give a heartfelt apology to him. words only hold the weight that one gives them, but i will make sure that my actions line up as we move forward together.

me and my bf (both college students) have been together for a while. but we have never really celebrated an anniversary. this is our longest relationship. and because it is close to halloween i wanted to do something special. i thought in honor of the spooky season that we could go on a nice date to a pumpkin patch, right? wrong. i start the hour long drive to get there but need to stop for gas. i took out my card and paid. he was visibly upset, and said that he wanted to pay for my gas since i was driving. we get into the car when he gives me money for my gas (which was more than i actually spent) i figured to save a fight, i would take the money and give it back later. we get back on the road. we go to the pumpkin patch, where he pays again. i was upset this time, and he told me that i could just pay for dinner. i agree, but still felt a lot of guilt about not paying my own way. here’s where it goes more wrong than it already did. we enter the corn maze. and it is an absolute mud pit. it was out of both of our control, but it really set the tone of the rest of the day with tensions already being high due to the semi fight about paying. now we are still trying to be cheery as we are sloshing around in the mud, slipping and sliding. we must have been in there for 5 minutes, and he grabbed my butt. i was upset. i felt like it was really outta pocket, and i was already in a bad mood. so i decided to give the good old silent treatment. i get that it was immature of me, and i regret acting that way. i was just really in the moment. now i want you to picture this muddy corn maze, in dead silence, and quiet resentment building and building with every dead end we stumble across. i wanted him to apologize. to break the uncomfortable silence. but he didn’t. so we continued our time, trying to partake of the other activities offered at this pumpkin patch. when we leave, he asks to stop by our local mall to walk around with me. i agree because i don’t want to make things worse, but i’m still being pretty much mute. we go to the mall where he drags me to a store to try and find the pants i had my eye on. there was one pair left, but the wrong size. i wear a medium. and the pair was an extra large. we checked the tag, and i said ah wrong size. and he goes, extra large? are you sure it won’t fit? now i understand if he didn’t mean this in a negative way. but he is well aware of my body image issues and to me this was the icing on the cake. i also don’t want him trying to buy me things to make me “happy” after a fight. i ask to leave, and he agrees. we go back to my car where he looks at me and asks “did today suck” and i said that it could’ve been way worse but it was not great but his efforts to try and make it a good day meant a lot to me. we make the drive back. and i stop in his apartment to give him his present. which i put a lot of thought into. he cried reading the card that i made, and seemed to enjoy the gifts. i am not a materialistic person. so i feel bad for saying that i was upset that i didn’t have anything. i know he paid for the actual date and i was supposed to cover dinner, but with the way things went, we just went home. he offered to walk me back to my place, but i said no. so i walked back in the rain, crying. he texted an apology and said he would try and make up for everything, but i said to not worry about it because i now think anniversaries are cursed. and don’t want anything to do with them anymore. which i understand is probably immature. i left his message on read, waiting for some other message to come in. and nothing. i know the ball is in my court now, and i know i should apologize for acting immature. the silent treatment doesn’t get you anywhere. but i really don’t know what to say or do to fix this. if you read everything this far, thank you. i am fully open to hearing any kind of advice.