Have a coworker - very close. Confused because I have pretty good instincts generally and in the abstract I would put money on the fact that this person is interested. We are within the same workgroup and both work late (coworkers for 10 months, current closeness ~3-4), resulting in basically perpetual ongoing text conversations Mon-Fri; both work-related and not. Further, at the end of each workday we spend an hour or so in one or the other's office shooting the breeze outside of work time (again, some work, much not). Generally, this person won't go to any work events that I am not present at. Weirdly, on the weekend, there is almost no contact at all unless there was something specific (occasionally there's been some drama that continued from one day to the next). I hold off on texting even though I'd like to simply because I don't want to smother anybody or make anyone uncomfortable. I've also realized that this person has deleted our entire text message history on more than one occasion. In times where remote work is available, and even convenient, they have voluntarily come to the office, admitting to continue our usual afternoon routines. Further adding to confusion: both married. Neither particularly happily. Mine is a significant situation of two people sadly growing apart. I believe the other person's situation to be emotionally manipulative and borderline abusive from the stories I have been told. There will be no infidelity, however. We are very, very similar people and I wouldn't do that, so I'm sure this person would not either. This isn't about that. I am just absolutely confused.
Both of us have mentioned that we look forward to the time spent together every day, both consider the other very important, "friendship" valued, etc. At work events, have stayed for hours after talking. There has been zero physical contact and conversations are never about romantic things or physical appearance. I am typically extremely cautious about those things, both in and out of the office. I do admit that I have, recently, tried being intentionally cold/distant as a test and was immediately called out within a couple of hours, and was told not to do that because it felt extremely rejecting.
Admittedly, from my position, I feel pretty strong feelings as this person is uniquely similar to myself and while I would not act on them, I can't say that I have not considered a future in which we have found our way to one another. They are one of the smartest people I've ever met with a dedication and ambition which I find exceptionally intriguing. For now, I am content with the friendship as it certainly makes work more pleasant. I just find this person very difficult to read which is uncommon for me... or at least maybe the entirety of the situation is throwing me off. I obviously feel guilt as well which isn't helping clarity.
Just looking for opinions. They can be ones that just call me an idiot, that's fine. Like I said, to me I'd normally say, "duh" but the peripheral issues confuse me as I have no idea how this person can simply "turn it off" on the weekend, and they are also very apprehensive/careful with how they word certain things. So it's one of those situations where actions vs words don't entirely line up and leads to second-guessing. Also, helpful to simply get feelings out there because obviously I can't speak about this with anyone.
