I (22 y/o girl) was completing my boyfriend's (23 y/o guy) homework while he was showering and in the process of trying to airdrop a PDF to his mac, I was blindsided by his notes app uploading all of his new notes to the cloud. Because the quiz I was doing for him was timed (for 10 mins) and I was also just so blindsided and shocked, I only briefly read the first paragraph. Then I couldn't even think and went on to do his quiz and by the time he came in the room, I was just finishing up.
The note was a letter to our co-worker who he used to have a crush on in high school, he wrote the note in April 2023. The parts I saw and processed and remember said like "Dear X, I know our timing has never been right and I'm hurting so much because I have to wake up next to (my name) every morning and I think how I wish it was you.." I didn't read enough to get any more context. My brain shutdown as soon as I saw it because it was so unexpected and I didn't even want to believe it.
I haven't brought it up for 3 days now. My boyfriend has been bugging me every single day asking me if I'm okay and asking what's going on. I don't want to bring it up. I don't want to blindside him. I don't want to know the truth about the letter but I also don't want to go insane over it. It's from April and we were going through a really bad patch then and things have been really good lately and I've seen such a different side of him. I had been feeling lately like he was finally appreciating me and really cared about the big picture with me. I don't want to bring this up now.
I feel like I have to discuss it though as I'm the type of person who get's trapped in their own head. I'm a thinker. I haven't stopped thinking about it since, it's making me sick. I haven't been eating and can't clear my brain fog enough to perform my work. I feel like I have to ask him if he sent it to her. If he wrote those disrespectful things about me and sent them to her I have to know and I can't be okay with it. Or if he was just writing it to clear his head when he was mad at me, I should know that too and clarify with him that I truly am who he wants. I have no clue how to bring it up to him though. Like I don't want him to instantly break up with me or flip out because it's so out of the blue. He can get defensive when I bring up things like this. We've had issues with this girl before.
He used to say she was just his friend until I found out from her and her friends that he'd always been obsessed with her and they made me feel really bad about it-- saying stuff like "thank god you came along and got him off my back.." etc.. just making me feel like a second choice. He cut contact with her and her friends after I found out he lied to me about liking her in the past. As far as I see and hear from our mutuals, they stopped talking. But this all happened last August, and the note was from April.
I would appreciate literally any advice. I really don't trust myself on things like this as I'm very sensitive. I'm really bad at confrontation as well-- is there a way I can bring it up with opportunity for us to resolve? Is this the end? Am I overstepping for even bringing up something he wrote in private? Thanks so much
I (22 y/o girl) was completing my boyfriend's (23 y/o guy) homework while he was showering and in the process of trying to airdrop a PDF to his mac, I was blindsided by his notes app uploading all of his new notes to the cloud. Because the quiz I was doing for him was timed (for 10 mins) and I was also just so blindsided and shocked, I only briefly read the first paragraph. Then I couldn't even think and went on to do his quiz and by the time he came in the room, I was just finishing up. The note was a letter to our co-worker who he used to have a crush on in high school, he wrote the note in April 2023. The parts I saw and processed and remember said like "Dear X, I know our timing has never been right and I'm hurting so much because I have to wake up next to (my name) every morning and I think how I wish it was you.." I didn't read enough to get any more context. My brain shutdown as soon as I saw it because it was so unexpected and I didn't even want to believe it. I haven't brought it up for 3 days now. My boyfriend has been bugging me every single day asking me if I'm okay and asking what's going on. I don't want to bring it up. I don't want to blindside him. I don't want to know the truth about the letter but I also don't want to go insane over it. It's from April and we were going through a really bad patch then and things have been really good lately and I've seen such a different side of him. I had been feeling lately like he was finally appreciating me and really cared about the big picture with me. I don't want to bring this up now. I feel like I have to discuss it though as I'm the type of person who get's trapped in their own head. I'm a thinker. I haven't stopped thinking about it since, it's making me sick. I haven't been eating and can't clear my brain fog enough to perform my work. I feel like I have to ask him if he sent it to her. If he wrote those disrespectful things about me and sent them to her I have to know and I can't be okay with it. Or if he was just writing it to clear his head when he was mad at me, I should know that too and clarify with him that I truly am who he wants. I have no clue how to bring it up to him though. Like I don't want him to instantly break up with me or flip out because it's so out of the blue. He can get defensive when I bring up things like this. We've had issues with this girl before. He used to say she was just his friend until I found out from her and her friends that he'd always been obsessed with her and they made me feel really bad about it-- saying stuff like "thank god you came along and got him off my back.." etc.. just making me feel like a second choice. He cut contact with her and her friends after I found out he lied to me about liking her in the past. As far as I see and hear from our mutuals, they stopped talking. But this all happened last August, and the note was from April. I would appreciate literally any advice. I really don't trust myself on things like this as I'm very sensitive. I'm really bad at confrontation as well-- is there a way I can bring it up with opportunity for us to resolve? Is this the end? Am I overstepping for even bringing up something he wrote in private? Thanks so much