im_a_feared

That's part of my issue. I'm well past the age of needing to have exams done, and I can't because I have severe panic attacks any time I attempt any sort of penetration, even in a non-sexual setting. Even my therapist and my PCP agree that I should NOT try to force myself through a pelvic exam, as that will only make my psychological issues worse. I definitely feel that hearing other people's experiences would help me, because it'll give me some perspective on what first time penetration is like for most people (whether that's in a sexual setting, or just using tampons, or whatever), and can go from there and kind of sort through my mental hang-ups and reassure myself that it's not as bad as I always thought, even if there IS a little bit of pain.

How about if instead of referring solely to body parts, I described it as "any women, men, or others who have personal experiences with this"? I don't want to make anyone feel sexualized/reduced to just walking genitalia and set off any trauma, but I do want to include multiple perspectives, as long as they're first hand perspectives. I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, that was not my intention 🙁

Again, as I said with another, not everyone who was born with a vagina is a woman. I'm not ashamed of saying woman, or trying to do myself or anyone else a disservice or any disrespect; I'm trying to be MORE respectful by considering EVERYONE'S experience, that's all. I am currently seeing a therapist who specializes in therapy surrounding sexual trauma, and we've done some of the exercises you've mentioned. The therapy is helping a lot, but I still have some pretty strong knee-jerk reactions when it comes to anything other than external touch. I react to it the way that some people react to shots (I'm one of those people lol). It's the same kind of anxiety. While therapy has been helping, I felt like I could make a lot of progress if I asked others about their personal experiences with first time penetration, whether that be with a partner or alone, so I could have a better idea of what to expect and how to handle it.

Because not every person who has a vagina is a woman, and I was trying to be respectful and considerate of everyone 🤷 But that's another topic, and not the point of this discussion. Thank you for your input, and sharing your experience.

So, I'm here looking for advice/mental tools/personal examples from people with vaginas. I've got some SERIOUS mental issues surrounding sex, specifically vaginal penetration. When I was 11 years old, I got curious about sex and snuck onto the computer to look up porn. I still didn't have an understanding of how exactly sex worked yet, so THAT was my sex ed. It was already jarring enough to find out that sex (traditionally) is a penis going into a vagina; That alone was making me very concerned and nervous about how THAT was supposed to fit in THERE. But then I saw some upsetting, violent animated porn where the woman was clearly in pain, and that just...scarred me, severely. It left an impression that penetration of any kind is painful, and I remember crossing my legs and SWEARING to myself that I was NEVER letting anything go in my vagina. Obviously nowadays, I know sex isn't SUPPOSED to be painful for those with vaginas, and that first time penetration, when done right, should only be a bit uncomfortable at first, not PAINFUL. But while I understand the concept, my brain still isn't catching up. I'm practically 28 now, and I've never had sex, never fingered myself, never used tampons, nothing. I definitely WANT to, but every time I've ever tried, I trigger a severe panic attack and make myself nauseous. I AM currently seeing a therapist for this, and we've been working through a lot of stuff, and I know it takes time to sort through years of trauma. We've been doing some journaling and DBT exercises, and they're helping a bit, but I'm still experiencing a bit of anxiety and nausea even just doing Kegel exercises. I wanted to come on here to try and get some anonymous perspective. Vagina-havers, what were your experiences with first time penetration? Was there any discomfort or pain, and if so, how bad was it? Did you have any lingering fears of penetration? If so, how did you work through it/get over it? I feel like if I heard others experiences, it would give me better perspective and help me sort through my trauma better.