I'm new here on the forum. Unlike most people here, I'm not normal. I have bipolar disorder and I am an incel.
But, despite being an incel, I was in love three times in my life. None of them worked out in any way for me. I was trying to get these three women to like me, I guess too hard, and I failed. When I finally worked up the courage to ask them out, it was at the wrong moment. I won't bore you with the details of how and what happened, as most of it was in my head, but all that is left of it now is the realization I wasted my love and best years away on imaginary things. I still struggle to come to terms with that.
Let us call these women, Alice, Jenny, and Kate. I has been a while since I've been in love with these women, and I was sure I was over them. At least, I stopped a long time ago looking them up online, or worrying what they might be up to.
Then, last night I had a dream. Alice was at the table at a restaurant with me, and we spent lots of time talking, in the dream. As we talked and talked, the whatever was between us in the dream slowly disintegrated and I felt nothing was keeping me tied to her anymore. And I left. But the feeling of pain I felt leaving her in the dream was so overwhelming that I woke up. I still feel it now.
I had a similar dream with Kate, almost five years ago when I was in the mountains on a vacation. The pain had a very different flavor, but it was just as heavy.
With Jenny it happened in real life, over a few years. I don't see her in my dreams anymore.
Does everyone has a special flavor of pain associated with someone they love, or is it just me? Do we never get over someone we love?
