Northernman

Wow ehat a great post thank you. No I'm not just saying I'm going to change, I am going to seek help. Other people's opinions have opened my eyes big time. You hit the nail on the head big time with the need to build a healthy foundation for my self.. I couldn't agree more. Ive lost my own self of identity, unstable and anxious. I certainly don't want to be controlling!! I will look into what you have mentioned right now and take action tomorrow. Again appreciate it. I really hope I can turn this around.

Honestly it's not that I don't know because it's that much of a habit. Its probably because in the heat of an argument.. Like I say.. im not running away or putting up my defences.. I deserve some home truths..

In arguments probably. I know I havnt exactly painted a picture of my self!! I need to get it sorted! No one deserves it let alone my wife. I will sort it !! That much I can guarantee...

Very true.

I didnt gloss right over it on purpose just forgot to mention it. I'm awful.. honestly awful! That I realise. She certainly doesn't deserve it. And yes she is sick. She has told me countless times. Like I say I'm awful.

Thanks for your input

Perfect. Thank you. She has just replied to an earlier message just this second. Talking all normal etc. I will change. She deserves it but so do I! I want to be normal

Thank you. Lots of great advice there.

I'm finding it hard to answer this.. I mean I married her because I love her and we have built a fantastic life. So I'm contradicting my self by saying what if she does.

After reading everyone's response which I really appreciate, my plan of action is seek some professional help. Be loving and positive when she gets home.. make a huge effort to think before i speak and try and put this mess right. What worries me hugely is.. What if she does cheat.. ive let my self be vulnerable, I've let my guard down.. I know no one can stop that from happening but yeah..

Blimey is that how it comes across as possessive and controlling.. Its not nice seeing people say them things but it's worse thinking I'm doing that to the womzn I love and have built a family with.

Thanks for the reply.. spot on to be honest.

I dont fly. She has tried to get me to go away loads over the years.

No not Al all. I love her loads. I'm an idiot mate.. Talking to you guys here and seeing your replies have shown me even more that I need to address my faults

Thanks. I will look at seeing a therapist. I dont want to live with trust issues, anxiety or over thinking any more. This holiday of hers has also showed me how busy a person she is with everyday life running the house kids etc..

You know.. I do try that but then I'm over whelmed with "what if she did" at which point words have left my mouth.. Idiotic to be honest.

Well I best pull my big boy pants up and take action to try and sort it because I am terribly sick of feeling like this.. forever over thinking, questioning etc. Ty

I honestly can't answer that.. I dont know why.. She is beautiful.. way too good for me. I do love her though

Can insecurity actually be dealt with? I would have thought it's ingrained.. My wife wishes I woukd just think before I speak.. rather than regret it later

Thank you for your advice. Again I truly mean that.. She trusts me 100%. If I ever go out with the boys she never questions me when I get home. When she used to go out id just worry and over think. It's caused do many arguments over the years. I know my behaviour is not right and I can 100% assure you I wish I wasn't like it..

I've always been insecure.. ultimately pushed my first girlfriend away because of it.. I really don't know where it comes from.

Thanks for your input. And I truly mean that. I'm a nightmare and know I need to sort my crap out as its my problem not hers.

I am an insecure and jealous person and have questioned her many times in the past accusing her of cheated etc.. Yeah I'm a bit jealous that I'm home and she's baking in super warm sun.. You might have a point about "spoiling it for her" because 2 days before I sent that sarcy accusation text she said she was going on a guided tour out of the complex.. I lost my *** because the resort where she's staying its recommended not to leave the resort.. I was calling her an idiot for doing it. Not my finest moment. I dont know.. I know I havnt helped.

Been together 20 years married for 8. 3 kids. She hasn't had a holiday abroad since we have been together as I dont fly. However her mam was going away and offered her to go so she did. Marriage is good.. dont get me wrong we have our arguments but always work them out. She is super busy with work, never goes out drinking etc. I dont know what to think to be fair.

Yeah I know my bad.. but I was only sarcy joking with her.. I thought her reply coukd have been over reacting meaning there may have been some truth in what I said. On the phone call to her, which was after this accusation text I said love you and she said it back but still my mind is somewhat puzzled by it all. Fair play I was an idiot sending it