Mlap

anyways, thank you guys for all the tips and help, i will leave this post alone now unless anything really special happens.

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

You need to put this girl behind you, OP. 

Her interest level just isn't high enough. 

Yeah, i will.

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

You said you saw her at the restaurant where she works. 

Thats her side job, i think she only works there when they have a lot of guests on the weekend. From her side job its a 30 minute drive to me.

I meant her main job which is in my city

Im not sure where exactly she is working, but i dont think i live close

So 5 days and still no response, i guess thats where i move on. I even saw her at a restaurant where she works a side job, but besides a few glimpses nothing happened.

Okay i texted her „heyy i hope work is good so far. If you would like we can meet next wednesday at 4 pm to drink a coffee. Let me know if it works for you😊“

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

If someone I liked suggested getting together I would probably get that little flutter (you know what I mean!) and message him back saying "I'd love to, how does Tuesday sound?" I wouldn't be "too busy" or sit on a reply for days.

Now there are legit reasons, such as train travel (where you often don't get service) or moving or a health issue or family emergency. But other than that? If she wants to see you she will respond. 

To be fair my answer to her text wasnt that good and i left the ball in her court but only half, i partly told her to plan a date i asked her for.

1 hour ago, NighttimeNightmare said:

It’s all hard to say. You’re the one in direct contact with her so no one can with 100% accuracy guide what you “should say” or not

 

for instance, if someone texted me “nice you can text me if you have time next week,” I’d likely feel like they weren’t interested in talking to me really. Like “don’t rly want to talk now but you can have the burden of hitting me up next week ‘if you want’”. It’s a weird thing to say. But maybe in the context of your text with her it wasn’t? 
 

I tend to agree with @Wiseman2s comments here.  Why not have just talked and kept in touch then asked her our once she got to your city and was settled in with work? I mean, she didn’t say “no.” 
 

I personally don’t think she’s too terribly interested in you and it’s prob because the convos lack any sort of chemistry.  You should date people who you have a stimulating connection with. You say you’ve been crushing on her for 3 years. How so?  The idea of her? Because it seems the reality you have with her is actually very bland. How haven’t you built up any sort of a rapport in 3 years? Maybe time to move on and find a girl you’ve got chemistry with 

The thing is she has already started working here , but she isnt moving away from her village.

I have been crushing on her for 3 years, but i havent started texting her until a year ago

yeah she probably isnt that interested, but our texts have had their chemistry. Also i doubt its just the idea of her i ve known her for a while and we shared the same hobby, she is just a happy presence whenever i see her and overall i know her a fair bit.

So i texted her „nice, you can text me if you have time next week“ its been a week and she hasnt responded. Should i text her again and if yes what should i text her?

18 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I’ve been putting in effort to meet people in my adopted city for years. I lived 43 years in one major city and now 14 in this one. Not dating. Friends. Here’s my overall opinion based on dating from 1980-2005 on and off and networking and meeting people here since 2009.

Everyone is busy more or less. The people who really want to meet in person make a plan right away or make a specific plan like “I’m on a work deadline that ends on X day. How about I reach out the day after X and we make a plan for one morning that week when we’re both available?”  
Then - that person actually follows up on that day. Prior to internet we made plans through our landlines and we all followed up and we’re reliable when we were interested in meeting. Vague didn’t work. 

with how easy it is now to text or message to make a plan if a person isn’t interested and clear and focused about making a plan move on. It’s like if you pass by your neighbor and she says “hi! So nice to see you - how are you doing?”  
Do you think that means she wants a long conversation , cares about the details of your life ?”  Ir if you stop and briefly chat and she says “nice to see you - I’ll be in town more often maybe we can grab coffee at some point !!” - and then waves as she walks off- do you think she means you should call her and say “so does tomorrow work for coffee?” Read the cues.
Don’t waste time on random vague comments. 

Its honestly not that big of a deal, i already asked her out, so i might aswell try 😀

2 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

That isn't a "yes, coffee sounds great! I'm available next week."

Im aware

5 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

No you already asked if she’d like to meet up. She gave a vague response. Ball is in her court. If she’d said she was available next week or next month then you could have suggested a specific day or days. 

I mean she didnt suggest a time, but she told me that she would be in my city more often

18 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's fine. Stay in touch and find a mutually convenient time to meet up.

You think i should wait with asking her for a specific time for a date?

39 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I would not do that - that's not a specific day etc I would write "sounds great -let me know when you want to meet up -looking forward!"

So dont suggest a meeting time at all?

How do you guys like „no problem :), how about next week?“

1 minute ago, Kwothe28 said:

That doesnt mean anything, especially with "I forgot you existed then finally remembered I should respond something" text. I have a friend, we hear often through messages. She always says how we should get a coffee but we never settle a date. Now, I dont have any pretenses toward her and other way around(she is married with kids) and we are both busy. But wanted to say how it doesnt really mean much if you dont really have a date and time when you would meet. For example what she told you is very vague. Could be tomorrow, next week, next month or next year. Unless you have an exact date, treat it like "maybe sometime" and nothing more.

I understand, i might just ask her and see what her response is😄

25 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

She doesn't need to be overly excited.  A person who wants to date you will show enthusiasm when you invite her for a date.  She didn't and in fact showed a lack of any enthusiasm.

I get that of course

14 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

So she didn't actually say yes, she'd like to meet for a coffee? 

So it was in another language and i didnt properly translate it. I will try again.

I wrote „hey, would you like to meet for a coffee sometime“ and she answered „hey hey, sorry i totally forgot to answer 🙂 yeah my new work will be in your city and i will be around here more often“ 

so technically there was a yeah, but i dont know if it was an answer to my question.

22 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

This is unlikely. If she asked you out, would you "forget" to respond to her? 

Of course i wouldnt forget. i get that she isnt overly excited, but i believe her

16 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I think unless she responds with enthusiasm to make a plan to meet even in advance it's not yet any sign she is interested in dating you.  Also if she means she typed out a text and forgot to click send that's different from "forgetting" to respond.  A person who is interested in seeing another person in person does not "forget".  I think it's a casual "see you around more in the future since I'll be in close proximity" -nothing to do with interest in going on a date with you, I'm sorry.

When she lives nearby you can call and invite her to meet for coffee -one more chance.

I guess youre right, but it seems for me like she isnt totally disliking the idea of a date. 

10 hours ago, Mlap said:

Okay, so a little update, she has responded after 2 days. 

She told me that she forgot to answer me and that she will be in my city more often, because her new work is here

Would you guys say, that her response is a good sign?

Okay, so a little update, she has responded after 2 days. 

She told me that she forgot to answer me and that she will be in my city more often, because her new work is here

7 hours ago, NighttimeNightmare said:

If you think she thinks you’re boring, what do you plan to talk about it she says yes? 

We can talk about her work abroad, what she plans on doing in the future, favorite movies, series and so on.

Its not really that she thinks im a boring person, more that im boring her with my texts, but that is also only a feeling i have

Okay i texted her "would you like to meet for a coffee sometime"

With a little bit of help from a stranger😄

16 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Phone is fine and you can text her maybe while she's on vacation and make a plan in advance.

So do you think i should just text her, "hey, i think you are really interesting, would you like to go for a coffee sometime?" It feels kinda out of nowhere

4 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

Yup, you don't know until you go there.

You say you talk over social media?  Good start.  And you also met up once- but basically, that's it!

As mentioned, bring up the idea of meeting up for drinks together, see if she says yes.  That is where you begin 😉 .  Continue to try & get to know her IF she allows it.  ( by sounds of it, you still don't know a whole lot abt her).

You sound pretty respectful and not in her face with expectations etc, lol.  Good on you.  Be yourself and see how it goes.... you will know soon enough.

I actually know her a bit, she comes from a small village where i have a few relatives, so i know her parents and we had communion together when we were like 10 years old.

I guess i will have to ask her out, but i think shes on vacation at the moment. Do you guys think i should wait until she gets back from vacation. And over phone or in person? It might take a few weeks before i can see her in person