I need advice. So I recently met the love of my life. We have been working together for about 2 years but then about 4 months ago we started dating and almost instantly fell madly in love with one another. So I'm 27 years old and she's 42. We tied the knot about 3 weeks ago.
Now we both have had massive trauma in our past. At the age of 18 I had been working as a HotTub deliverer for about 2 years. Was running crews of up to 5 men that could be close to twice my age. And was thriving and felt good about my future. Then during a normal removal/delivery an old 1200lb tub that had been leaking an absorbing water for years tipped over from its side and caught me in the shoulder. Being at the tipping point I wasn't able to stand it back up alone from being under it resulting in it taking me to the ground. In my attempt to dive out of the way it caught me in the right hip pinning me to the ground in one crushing blow. I ended up turning the illlium part of my pelvis to little tiny bits and receiving 7 fractures elsewhere on my pelvis. After spending 4 months in Harbor Medical Center in Seattle having 3 surgeries to recontruct my pelvis I left there with 4 plates holding my wings of hips in place with about 8 screws. I spent the next year in a wheelchair learning to walk again. So naturally they gave my dalaudid pain pills for not only that year but the 6 month's after during which time I was limping on crutches. The motion of limping ended up slipping a disk to the extent of needing to have it fused. Afterwards receiving another 4 months of pain meds. After that 4 months tho I was removed in an instant from them. At the age of 20 with no guidance I resorted to buying opiates off the street to curb the withdrawls. I spent the next 6 years doing that. Then came Nikki. Who accepted me for me faults and all. Even helped me cut back to using 3 times a day. Smoking 20 mins in A.M. before work. 15 mins after work and 15 mins before bed. Then eventually helping me quit. I'm not the first person she's gotten together with that was using tho.
Even tho she has never touched anything she far to often found herself in relationships with addicts. Not just addicts but abusive addicts. For about 20 years she received abuse I couldn't even imagine. But I would never think about hurting her. And couldn't live with myself if I treated her anyway other then the queen that she is. I mean im alive and well thanks to her. Even if we are fighting I'm up before her so I can make her coffee and a begal every morning without exception. I can't think of the last time she had to open her own car door. And I love being able to treat her the way she deserves. But there's so much damage done that no matter what I do she believes I'm gonna leave her. Or if she let's me get to close that I'll weaponize her love for me against her to hurt her. And I'm at a lost of what to do. I understand her pain and fear. I understand that she thinks if she acts like I can't hurt her I won't. But I won't hurt her. I would never. And idk how to show her that. So that's what I'm asking for help with. Is how do I help her repair the damage done by others so she can live her best and happiest life.
