Massey

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

I actually might have done the same thing. But in the past, my boyfriend said that he trusts me and he doesn't need to know of every little encounter with a male friend. He said that he would want to know on two conditions; the male friend has feelings for me or I have feelings for the the male friend.

I like what you said. Thank you.

I can totally see this. The possibility of taking things that mean nothing and blowing it out of proportion.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that. 😕

Thank you for your perspective.

Your comment is unnecessary. But thank you for pointing out that I did not answer the question specifically. I thought I had. I thought it would have been obvious that I posed a question to him from this statement. My mistake. I asked him if he would go out with one is his exes for coffee, just like the scenario. He said yes. I asked him why would go out with an ex...there was nothing accusatory on my end. And as I stated, he asked me the same question. 🤷‍♀️

No, my girlfriend and her husband don't have any trust issues. None that she's communicated with me at least. My boyfriend says that he has no interest in going through my phone. He's hard core opposed yo going through mine and vise versa. He says he has nothing to hide but he sees it as an invasion of privacy. As for me, I have no reason to go through his phone.

Thanks for your explanation. I guess we will have to disagree. I still don't see it as disrespectful and certainly not manipulative. Again, we both asked each other various questions regarding hypothetical situations. 🤷‍♀️ For the situation you described with you and your husband, I likely would have brought it up later. Not in a confrontational way but lightly. People handle situations differently. 🙂

@spinstermanquee Thank you for your feedback; much appreciated 🙂 And I doubt that you're much older that I am 😉

Correct; my female friend. Sorry, seem to have confused some. And I can see why now that I read back on it.

Oh I see the confusion! Sorry about that. Yes, when I said girlfriend, I meant my female friend. Apologies for that.

Which account? Sorry, I'm not understanding your question.

The girlfriend.

My girlfriend said that although she has nothing to hide she wouldn't feel 100% comfortable with her husband or anyone going through her phone. I kind of feel the same way. I don't have anything to hide from my boyfriend in terms of talking to men or doing anything inappropriate. However, there are conversations on my phone with my girlfriends which are and should remain private.

You don't think I'm treating him thoughtfully or respectfully because I asked him a hypothetical question? Which he, by the way, also asked of me. We were both talking about general relationship questions and then we brought ourselves into the mix. Sorry, maybe I'm missing something but I don't see that as being disrespectful and two people are having adult conversations.

Sorry I missed that. For the phone question, my girlfriend and I were having this discussion about our partners. For her, it's her husband and for me it's my boyfriend. In this trust question, it's me referring to my boyfriend. Not sure if that helps 🙂

Honestly, I wouldn't feel any way at all if someone had asked me that question. Questions like that don't bother me but I can see that it might irritate others. It wasn't just me asking him the hypotheticals it was also him asking me the same.

I guess that's where I'm different. If I had a partner who had some insecurities about infidelity or abandonment etc. I would do my best to make sure that they feel secure. Even if I had to go over and above. I know most people don't go this route and prefer to do as you suggested. But I've always felt this way.

I understand. Thank you for your point of view. We were discussing a few hypotheticals. Initially none of them had to do with the two of us, it was just general conversation. I can't recall all of the situations that we discussed. They stemmed from an article that was online. One of the scenarios was of a man who went for coffee with a long time ex. They had both moved on but has remained friends. The man was in a relationship as was his ex. The article was discussing whether or not this was acceptable etc.

We had been talking about relationships in general at first, then I posed the question to him.

I recently posted a topic on trust and thought I would pose this question. Having access to, or going through your partner's phone seems to be a huge topic nowadays. My girlfriend and I were chatting about whether or not we would be okay with our partners going through our phones; voluntarily, not behind our backs. That's a different topic altogether. Lol My question to you is: assuming that you are not doing anything untoward, would you let your partner go through your phone? Or, is this an overstepping of boundaries with regard to one's privacy in general? If you answer no, you would not want your partner going through your phone; what would your reasons be? Again, assuming that everything is on the up and up and you're not doing anything inappropriate behind your partner's back.

Honestly, I think my "issue" with trust in general is a 'me' thing. I have had relationships in the past where my partner was anything but trustworthy. Ironically, I trusted them.... He hasn't done anything for me to mistrust him. In fact, of you were to ask me, "What could he do to show you that you can trust him?" My answer would be "nothing ". He already does everything that he could do. I just find the statement doesn't sit well with me, generally speaking. Even if a friend said that to me, I'd feel the same way. So, to answer your question, when it comes down to it, I do trust him. Sorry for the runaround answer 🙂

Yes, pretty much.

May I ask why you say that?