toofrugal

we've been together for 18 months and he's already talking of marriage. He has wanted me to move in with him with me paying half of everything whether I stay just over weekends until I sell my place or not. He's looking for a committed relationship but I think he feels burnt after his divorce 4 years ago and so he holds back but I get the feeling he was this way with his ex too b/c when she retired to take care of his sister who was ill from cancer he said that was the beginning of the end of their relationship (married 34 years) but he wanted to stay and she threw him out. He felt she shouldn't have retired but continue to help with finances even though he's a professional making a good living. I don't want expensive gifts but the ones he buys me are just not nice...I appreciate it either way of course. But it does reflect on his issue with spending money I think.

Dating a really nice guy for a while now but more and more I'm seeing his frugal side which in my opinion borders on cheap and/or selfish. I, on the other hand, am very giving (monetarily and emotionally) even though I still need to work for a living. While he is fairly generous on the emotional side (but still doesn't go out of his way most often), I think I have a cheapskate on my hands. The weird thing is he seems to have plenty of $ but he just gave me a mothers day card (nice thought) but I can tell it was bought at Dollar Tree and verified it by the brand on the back of the card and no price shown. I do shop at Dollar Tree for some items but not for my partner especially when it's not combined with flowers or other tokens. He does pay generally when we go out to eat (and I pay most often buying dinner if we are staying at home) but basically nothing else. The first gift he bought me was fairly cheap but once he saw what I gave him he improved slightly. He tells me his parents raised him to save, save and save. What's the point of saving and working hard and accumulating wealth if you are afraid to spend anything? He is ok spending "his" money on some trips if I pay my own way which I'm ok with since we are older but when I look back and see I was generous with him when I had no direct benefit, I can see he isn't like that. In other words, when he gets a direct benefit, he may pay but not otherwise. I've mentioned to him his reluctance to spend money and he's acknowledged I'm right that moderation is the key and I should "help him change". I don't need a project at this point in my life. Should I give up on him? He does seem interested in my well being and is easy to get along with so I don't want to be shallow and we have chemistry/care for each other but this part of him is really a turn off.