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A few months ago i had birthday. Im not really a social person and im shy so i only threw a small party for 5 of my closest friends. i knew then that doing that means that probably other people wont invite me to their parties but i didnt care at that time.

but a few days ago i heard that one girl that i know (and didnt invite) is also having a birthday party and she invited all my friends except me (she’s making a party for like 30 people). at first i felt really bad about it, i felt excluded and that nobody likes me. but later i thought that maybe its because i didnt invite her. 

now its kind of an awkward situation, because i dont know how to act, be cool about it and act like its normal or avoid her because maybe she doesn’t like me that much. i do feel bad still and i wish i had made a bigger party. 

but my question is, am i making myself a victim here? it made me really sad for a few days , but maybe i just made a mistake and she is right not inviting me, also is it possible that its my fault because i didn’t invite her?? 

i know that this may sound ridiculous because its just a party and nothing big, but now i just feel so worse than my friends, i feel like a stranger that nobody likes, because not inviting to a party sometimes can mean that that person is not really liked….

37 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Right.  Human beings help each other at times even online.  And it doesn't mean you're obligated to pretend you're in a romantic relationship.  You're not and anyway you find this a waste of time so you're misleading this online stranger to think that you're excited to meet him and be with him long term - because you find this a waste of time. and it's hurtful to be controlling which he is.

I will write again.  This situation for you is potentially very harmful even dangerous.  Emotionally and potentially financially or physically.  Tell a trusted adult today or at the latest tomorrow that you are feeling attached to an online stranger and feeling worried and guilty and have that person help you extract yourself from being in contact with this stranger who you imagine yourself to be romantically involved with -which you are not.  It's very very unhealthy and risky.  Get out ASAP and seek professional help if needed.

Now I'm done responding because I don't want you to get the impression at all I believe there's any reason for you to be in contact with him or ever meet him in person.

i dont feel obligated i want to be in this relationship and im not misleading because in fact i want to meet him, also i said i feel like i was time but its only because hes not here 

20 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

It depends on what good and bad things you are willing to accept.  If you truly feel that you're wasting your youth and time on a person regardless of who it is,  then yes,  you really are wasting your time and energy on a person. 

i just feel like wasting time because i was trying for a long time to make him notice me and it feels like i know him for a long time

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Please tell your healthcare providers about this. Why won't you date local available men?  

because i met him and i liked him

12 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Staying out of guilt or obligation isn't fair to him.  He didn't make you do anything.  You went to a psychologist.  Please tell a therapist or a teacher about your attachment to this online person.  It's not safe what you are doing.

well yes he didnt make me but he helped me to do it 

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

How exactly did he help you and how exactly did you "hurt" him?

It's good your parents know. Are you allowed to date local men? 

for example, he made me go to psychologist and i wasnt there for him when he needed me. yes im allowed to date local men

3 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Right now you are.  As you decrease contact and increase your real life friendships and relationships you will become less and less attached.

i cant just leave him - i will hurt him after he helped me

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

It's fine to stay online penpals.  Tell him you want to stay in touch as penpals or online chat buddies.  But keep your contact to a minimum and spend the time you have cultivating in person friendships and perhaps meeting people to date. in person.

but im attached too much to him to just be penpals

1 minute ago, Cherylyn said:

The bad outweighs any good in people. 

what if he did more good things to me and im the one hurting him and destroying that?

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

No plans and just "wanting" means nothing. Please stop all contact with this stranger.  The risk of harm and long lasting harm is very real.  He is not your boyfriend.  He is a stranger you chat with. 

he doesn’t feel like a stranger to me, i’ve known him for almost 2,5 years and im 100% sure he is a real person 

7 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

If anyone is a waste of time for you,  they're a waste of time.   You have different beliefs,  you hurt him,  he doesn't let you do things and both of you live far away from each other.  It sounds like the relationship is doomed for failure.

but he helped me a lot and i still care about him, i cant just let him go after what he did for me

Just now, Batya33 said:

Seeing him means nothing.  Did your parents hire a reputable company to do a full background check especially since you might meet him in person? You have never met in person so you don't know him for purposes of knowing his suitability for a romantic relationship. Do you send money? Does he ask you for money?

no he doesn’t ask me for money and ive never sent him any money

7 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

So when are you meeting and how many times have you planned to meet in person but you didn't? My strong suggestion is to stop wasting your time pursuing a fantasy with a person who doesn't trust you and tries to control what you do.  Focus on your real life friends.

now it is hard to travel from my country to his country, also we started to get closer just recently so we dont have detailed plans now, but we want to do it. 

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You're in a dangerous situation. Please talk to trusted adults. Do your parents know about this? Is there trouble at home?

This could be a scammer, conman, catfish, dirty old man. Please do not give out any personal information. 

i am not in a dangerous situation, my parents know about him and they are okay with that, theres no trouble at home. i’ve known him for almost 2,5 years, i know who he is , i saw him i am 100% sure he is a real person who isn’t trying to scam me or something 

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

You hired someone to do a thorough background check? If not then no -you do not.  And you are a minor, yes? Even if he is who he says he is you are not in a romantic relationship because you have never met in person and have no plans to.  Do you find it exciting to make it up to him by abiding by his rules and restrictions he types to you and tells you over the internet? Do you have a social life?  Friends in person, acquaintances in person? 

no im not a minor and we have plans to meet each other. yes i have social life and friends in person 

7 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

 How do you know he is who he says he is?

i am sure that he is who he says he is i have proofs

9 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Why? Are you afraid of being alone/you won't find anyone better? Would you like if it he stayed with you and felt like he was wasting his teenage years on you?

just most of the time i feel good with him and i dont want this to go away

9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

 Your instincts are telling you something is up. Have you met in person? How often do you see each other? Do you go to school? Live with parents?

How are your beliefs different? What do you mean by  "he doesn’t let me do some things"? How can he enforce this at a distance?

Do you have trusted friends and family you can talk to? Trying to change and control you are red flags.  Yes, you're wasting your youth on a controlling cyber-relationship.

Please read up on red flags for controlling relationships. Ask adults for help to extricate yourself from this 

no i didnt met him in person, we live in different countries, yes i go to school and live with parents.

i mean like political views, we think very differently on these topics.

by he doesn’t let me do stuff i mean that i broke his trust a few times so now he just doesn’t want me to do some things so i wont hurt him again.

well he can’t enforce it on a distance, i just know i will feel bad if i hurt him again and i dont want him to break up with me so i just control myself now

17 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Accept that you want to see what else and who else is out there and tell him you want to start dating other people.  No need to feel guilty -feelings are feelings!

but i also dont want to leave him

im in a relationship but ive been feeling like im wasting my time with him. i love him and i cant live him but just i feel like i am wasting all my teenage years on this one guy. i think  im experiencing that because we have different beliefs and i hurt him in the past so he doesn’t let me do some things, and because we live far away from each other so we cant make the most of our relationship. i feel guilty for thinking about him in that way, like he is a waste of time… what should i do???