BreakingSad

That's fair. Those are harsh words that I have no idea that are rooted in reality. I guess I say 'forever hatred' because If I don't...my mind leaves the door open that one day the hate will subside, and she'll reach, and we can reconnect. But I can't bank on that, so I tell myself this story that she hates me (which she currently does right now), that's not going waiver and/or she'll forget about me = we're 100% done - despite not knowing the future. It's like the only way I don't hold onto the bargaining stage.

Thank you for the rational explanation and kind words. It sounds like we never had a chance. We did get along great when the emotional instability on her end seemed dormant. Right after her divorce it was fantastic. But yeah, as time went on, I think I became a different person and kept pushing her because she acted like she wanted one thing but then wanted another. I could never keep up and I guess it wore me down. I'm not trying to remove blame from my actions but I'm trying to take comfort that no matter how perfect I was, the outcome would have probably been the same. I got tangled up with someone who is much younger than me and just getting through a divorce / finding herself. I just muddied the waters for her. So, I don't blame her for cutting me out and now putting in the work. It'll just take me some time to come to terms with the forever hatred she has toward me in this situation I think we were both to blame.

Me specifically leaving that night is what caused her to break up with me. She was beside herself that I abandoned her. And she clearly said "leave then" out of anger and didn't really mean it.

Thank you. I still feel so much guilt because despite the emotionally availability/marriage stuff...We had a pretty big fight where we went to this galla/ball thing together as dates. And instead of spending time with me she drank Tequilia shots and just want to fast dance with me/her friends all night (and I'm not a fast dancer lol). Well, we got in a big fight because I wanted to spend time with her chatting and chilling with friends but she just wanted to party/dance. And it escalated with her yelling and I told her this wasn't productive, and I wanted to go home (But i drove her). So, she yelled at me and said "Well just ####ing go home then" and stormed off. So, I did (but first made sure her friends were there that would give her a ride home). That was her breaking point. I guess when she found out I left she had a major breakdown and told me the next day we were done. Not saying the outcome wouldn't have been the same later on but I always look back at that day and wish I didn't leave when she told me to. If I hadn't, we would still be talking today. I know it's a messed-up situation, but we were unbelievably close. It's so hard to fathom a life without this woman. And now that she essentially hates me/blocked me - I am coming to the realization that the person I knew is dead. And that I will most likely never see her again. My heart is absolutely in shambles. She was so important to me and now she is just gone. Never to be seen again. I mean we have mutual friends but there is no way I'll ever intentionally run into her because I couldn't emotionally handle seeing her hate me and avoiding me. I miss her so much and I wish I could just talk to her again even though she doesn't want anything to do with me. I can't stop mourning her loss of her. It's so hard to eat, sleep (I dream about her often), or even go to work. Her ghost is with me wherever I go and I hate it. I cant stop crying. I hate the pain and just want it to stop.

Thanks for the reply. When I was myself we got along fine. I feel it was my issues that got in the way + the situation got too confusing for me. I just miss her so much and I can’t stop crying over how angry she is at me.

Thank you. Like I said, I harbor a lot of guilt/regret because of how I acted toward the end of the relationship. And since I suffer from a low self-esteem it was hard to hear that she’s thinks I’m a liar and untrustworthy and went to hating me. That struck a chord. It makes me feel a little better that even if I acted perfect - the outcome probably would have been the same.

I agree with the first part but I do think we were compatible most of the time. It was the timing / situation that screwed things up.

Because we fell head over heels for each other. I’m 42 and I’ve never felt this way about a human being before. It was amazing. Outside of a lover, I’m missing my best friend - the person I confided in the most, the person I spoke with the most, the person I laughed with the most, the person I hung out with the most. I thought the challenge would be worth it in the end. Not devastate me to the point where I can’t do anything but cry in bed and miss the crap out of this woman.

Because I caused a lot of fights (or at least I think so). Some of them stemmed from being hyper-sensitive on not knowing what we were or just being hyper-sensitive in general. She said she couldn’t even joke with me. She also said we had communication issues. Which mostly came from me. But I was actively working on them when we dated. I even had a checklist like…listen, empathize, repeat back what they’re saying etc. I did my best I thought. I have ADHD which makes it difficult sometimes. I also got irritated or ‘Eeeyore’ like at the end because I was going through some stuff and felt her losing the spark. She said where the heck did the fun/sexy person I met go? She felt she was deceived. Like we dated for 8 months but 2 of those were a lot of fights toward the end and that’s how she thinks I am. The more time she had to think…she thinks I was just a liar or putting on an act. I think that’s why she hates me now. I know there is nothing I can do about it but man…I am stuck in guilt and regret. I wish I was just a different person. I wanted to be the carefree person she needed and I messed it up. I freaking my best friend. And I know she’s dead now. Even if I saw her I know she would ignore me because she doesn’t trust me anymore. It’s like this thing unraveled before I could even catch my breath to think.

Thanks for the kind words. I definitely will improve my life and move on. But there is still a little hope in me that she will get past the anger stage at one point and reach out; even if it's just as friends. But who knows...she seems to really really hate me right now.

She's officially divorced as of Feb. But all your advice still applies and I appreciate your kind words. Struggling bad 😞

Thanks for the input, everyone. Here I was thinking there could be a chance down the road - friends or otherwise (because we were friends first) to slowly rebuild and reconnect. Even though, I would continue to live my life and not wait on her. But it's apparent that will never happen. Especially with her blocking me and having all this anger towards me. I will try to move on to acceptance.

I understand. I guess what I'm really looking for (and what I'm having an issue with) is forgiving myself. I feel so much guilt/regret for getting involved in the first place, trying to keep up with her shifts in emotions (She said she loved me for gosh sakes and doesn't want to be with anyone else - don't seem casual to me), and me causing the majority of the fights. It pushed her away and I can't reconcile it. Sure, she wasn't ready emotionally but then I feel she shouldn't have acted like it at certain parts. I know it takes 2 to tango but I'm really taking this hard on myself. I am trying to forgive myself and make some peace with this. Trust me, I know my shortcomings and what I did wrong...I obsess about it every day. Maybe I am just looking for validation that no matter what I did the outcome would have been the same. And she also had a major part to play in this in terms of what she did wrong. AND that her anger towards me and calling me a liar...is just maybe deflection or part of her grieving process. As I write this in tears...I just want to find some peace and forgive myself. Please help.

Alos, even though she did tell me where she was at, it changed a lot. Sometimes, she was in full relationship mode. Sometimes she acted as a friend, sometimes she was wanting to have sex, sometimes she needed time by herself. I don't necesarrily feel I was overly pushy (maybe I was) but it was more of trying to keep up with what she wanted so I could adjust. But I can see where that came off as pushy. When she told me 'she loved me' 'I was her favorite person' 'We were soulmates 'It's you or no one else' - that doesn't seem like a casual thing to me. It's really hard to play the game when the rules kept changing - at least in my eyes. She thinks I'm a liar for not respecting her which is in part she doesn't trust me and thinks I'm a liar. Which hurts like hell - No one has ever called me a liar before. I did the best I can and at best it was a messed up situation (Again in my eyes).

Thanks for the input! That really helps a lot. Why don't you see a relationship in the future when we are both fully healed? Is that out of the realm of possibility?

I know this sounds stupid (dumpee talk) but I really did think we could work out at some point. She is an amazing person. And she thought I was amazing as well. It was just a matter of supper bad timing and her not processing the divorce and me pushing too much of what I wanted (a relationship). It was a messed up situation. But now that I know she hates me, blocked me, and is at peace now - I am realizing that can never happen. So, I am trying to lose hope and move forward.

It sounded like they were both checked out a long long time ago. And she didn't realize have any feeling toward him. But I suppose there was some unresolved things after all.

We met through mutual friends at a karaoke bar. It’s a weekly league thing. No, we met in August, they separated in November, at he divorce was final in Feb.

Thanks. She already took the liberty of blocking me. She has been deleted from my phone. I’d block her # but don’t remember it and I don’t ever see her reaching out.

Hello! I’ll try to make my story as quick as I can. I met a married woman who was having issues in her marriage. We didn’t cheat or anything but she told her husband that she had feelings for me and that was enough for him to leave. From what I know, he was one foot out the door anyways and was looking for an excuse. Well they separated and we started a thing right afterwards (dumb I know). But we had a really strong connection. She made it clear that she didn’t want a relationship and just wanted something fun and casual. Which I tried to do but it became too much for me. According to her (and I agree with) I constantly needed validation and pushed her boundaries. This was in part because she waffled between friendship one week - then saying I love you/having sex the next, then grieving her ex, or hiding me from her friends/family because she ashamed what they would think because she moved on too quickly etc etc. I really never knew where I stood so it kind of wore me down and quite frankly hurt a lot. Also, she said we had some communication issues which I acknowledged and we started working through them. Anyways, we had a few big fights and she called it off and said she hit her breaking point. She needed some space to grieve her divorce, forgive me, and find herself (She’s a lot younger than me. I’m 42 and she’s 26). Which made sense so I supported her in that decision. WE spoke a week later and she said she loved me, missed me, and was thankful that I was giving her this space and we could slowly rebuild and reconnect later on. After a week of not talking she pulls at 180 and says she has had time to think and doesn’t want me waiting around on her and she’s done. But she left the door slightly open by saying ‘nothing is set in stone’ but ‘no future plans.’ But basically I can’t have someone waiting for me and it’s ok if you date other people. I need to be selfish and be alone and all that.” It hurt like hell but I still supported it. Anyways, a week after that she blocks me from social media and I hear from a mutual friend that she quite literally is in ‘anger mode’, thinks I’m a liar/untrustworthy (because I didn’t respect her shifting boundaries), is at peace now, and doesn’t want anything to do with me. My friend said the door is closed right now but who knows what the future holds. She made a comment that it could happen in the future but a lot would have to change. Basically, the more time she spent away from me, she thought about the relationship and everything she didn’t like. I know I can’t wait for her and I have to move on with my life. As painful as it is. I’ve been doing No Contact and hope she reaches out one day…but I also thats bargaining talking. I’m working through it…. But what I don’t get is why she went from I love you/miss you/I need space to full on hatred. In that period of time I respected her space and didn’t reach out once. It hurts that the person you love (or the person I used to love) hates me now. In a period of a week. And this wasn’t just some fling. You know how you meet 1-2 (if you’re lucky in your life) that are your best friend, lover, and you connect on a soul level - that was us. Which makes this twice as painful. Thanks for listening.