ILSA

I just posted for the first time and was reading through some of the posts. Your post resonated with me so much. Not in any way trying to steer the conversation in a different direction, but once I found out what my Meyers-Briggs personality type was, something clicked. Many people with my personality type feel a lot of the same things I do, according to posts that I read online. I experience a lot of what you do. I give my heart, my soul. People always have told me "I have a light" and yet, I experience so many confusing difficulties with people, without any logic that I can decipher. It is true, that getting a GOOD therapist is a good start. I also need to find a good one, because in the last few months, I spoke to two different ones, and they were not a good fit. You are not the only one that feels misunderstood, maligned and confused. Look into the Meyers-Briggs (if you haven't already) and see if it resonates. Just wanted to let you know, you are not the only one. This has happened to me in my romantic relationships, some of my friendships, and even some acquaintances. I too, am very sensitive and kind. I wish you the best.

Thank you so much for replying. You stated the same thing the clergy person said! You give great advice. And I know you're right. But I refuse to reach out to people who have changed their patterns towards me without explanations. And yes, I am suffering deeply. If they don't care to talk to me about what has changed after we shared deep and heartfelt moments, then I will not reach out. It is most likely a flaw, but I refuse to run after people. The person who never reaches out was someone that shared many deep conversations with me. She'll always tell me to call her, but my experience with her is that she says one thing and does another. I have known her for probably 14 years, but it's never gone past the "acquaintance" stage. I have always been fun, fun to talk to, engaging, great conversationalist, nurturing, (used to be called pretty all the time) etc., etc. I don't even feel human at the moment. I need to gather enough funds for a life coach and analyze myself bit by bit. I have analyzed myself extensively. I have asked my sister to please tell me what has changed for her, and that I would respect her decision even if she cut off contact, but to please just TELL me what has changed. She says nothing's changed. I never, in a million years, would ever, ever, ever, believe that my own sister, would pretty much ghost me. It is mind-blowing. It is abandonment, truly. I feel like my heart is is so much pain, it is unreal. Thank you so much for your reply.

Hi. I'm glad I found this site. I am looking to be a part of an online forum. I will dive right into this. For the past (what seems like months and months) things have been changing with what I thought were some of my closest relationships. I know that a lot of people said that their relationships changed or disappeared during the pandemic. I actually was keeping in touch with people during the pandemic. Let's just say that during a very small amount of time: 1)I started perimenopause (I know TMI, but I'm in my mid-forties and this has brought about some changes) 2)Men have stopped noticing me almost completely 3)My sister started distancing herself more and more from me, after starting to date someone that I met once. I helped her and stayed with her for two months during the pandemic when she experienced high levels of OCD. After she finally went to an inpatient clinic for a month, she came back out (this was about a year ago) and since then has started distancing herself from me more and more. She forgets plans we make, only calls me back hours later and seems to be too busy. We used to be what I thought was very close. I have blocked her from my phone for more than a month and she has not attempted to find a different way to reach out. She lives in the next building. 3)I'm not in touch with my middle sister either, because when I turned to her for support about a friend I will talk about next, she basically insulted me. 4) My good friend, xxxxxxxx, who I felt extremely close to, just started distancing himself from me as well. Never calls anymore, when I call, he keeps it short, never suggests dinner anymore. And this is a big one, never calls me when he hangs out in our local coffee shop, which he used to do regularly. I was in touch with him throughout the pandemic, but then, there was one time, that he called 3 different times during the course of a week and I didn't pick up. Shortly after, my phone got ruined and I lost his number. I tried to call him on What'sApp but it didn't go through and only about eight months later, was able to get his phone number from someone I saw on the street that knows him. I called him and we actually sat in a coffee shop for four hours. but after that, it was never the same. This also relates to me thinking I somehow look different, because maybe he also had romantic inclinations, but did not after seeing me again. I tried, repeatedly to get closure from him about why our relationship changed. He says nothing's changed. When he sees me, we talk, but he never reaches out. I explained to him about what happened and that I had lost his number. It is true I didn't pick up his call on 3 different occasions, but it wasn't personal. 5) A person who I thought was someone I could get close to, also never reaches out. A female. We see each other and say hi, but she never reaches out. 6) Another guy, who was a coffee buddy, also distanced himself. Again, making me feel like something about my looks changed a lot. Sorry for the book. I cannot tell you the amount of anguish I feel. I have blocked all of them. This has affected me tremendously. I experience chest pains daily from the anguish. I cannot for the life of me understand how people who I have felt such a kinship with, have turned their backs on me, with no closure, no explanations. I know the saying "if everyone around you is an a-hole, then you are the a-hole." I must be a horrible human being. And on top of that, I don't even feel sexually attractive anymore, since men don't even look anymore. These are people who used to look for me, who gave me the impression they needed and wanted to be close to me. All at once???? No understanding as to why? How does someone explain that to themselves? And no, they don't have connections with each other, they're all separate from one another. I am single as well, so I don't have a significant other. I consulted a clergy person, and they offered some help. Any advice would be helpful. I would really appreciate any advice. Thank you so much.