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Definitely makes sense. And LOL, I have to admit, it is kind of funny that you're afraid my emotional intensity might relate to your husband as well, and I'd try to contact him. It sounds like something I might actually try to do, but I wouldn't necessarily do it WITHOUT your permission. Why would he be bothered if I contacted him though? Basically if you were Hayley or Ryan, I'd probably be very interested in getting your spouse involved and contacting him/her as well, but NOT if you told me not to. Or if I had a mutual friend, I might just ask a mutual friend if he/she could introduce me to your spouse over FaceTime or something.

I do see a psychologist on a biweekly basis to process things like this any many others through. Helps a little bit. That being said my psychologist often says that it is important to watch the way I go about things and control obsessions so it doesn't freak people out. This is one of the reasons I even asked this in the first place. As for platonic infatuation, that is just the kind of feeling I was describing. Not sure if it's actually called that, LOL. I am honestly thinking about being honest with both of those people and saying directly that I thought they seemed cool, regret not approaching them in the past, and maybe bounce it off them about coming up to see them. They still might find it creepy, but I just wonder if being honest might help. Hayley and I have had a conversation over text like 6 months ago about autism, and how we look at relationships differently. I mentioned to Hayley already that I regret not talking to her more, and expressed desire to get to know her better if we cross paths again and hoping that we cross. She thought it was cool, and said maybe we'll cross. All that to say, I do think Hayley was thinking more if we actually ended up near each other again, and not so much me making the effort to go all the way back to college only to see her. I have been back a few times for different reasons, and she knows I do come from time to time. In fact I was even back a few weeks ago and texted Hayley but she was out of town for a wedding of one of her best friends. I was seriously thinking about changing the dates, but I felt if she found out why I did it (she's a smart girl), that might feel creepy / unsafe and turn her off.

Hey Guys, First of all, sorry I have not been on here to respond for a while. I've been extremely busy. I was able to lurk and read them but just haven't got to responding yet. I'll get to you all's posts one by one.

As an autistic person, we often experience something that I would call "platonic infatuation". I think some people call it "a squish" since it is non-romantic attraction. It's not so much physical like a romantic crush but more so the vibe / emotional energy / common interests we pick up from a person when we meet them. It can get us extremely infatuated in a non-romantic way and we really want to be a friend of this person, and want them in our lives so bad. This is honestly how autistic people function. I am curious, why would you feel they are trying to force a friendship? If you originally like them and feel interested in getting to know them better if an opportunity arises, why is it forced? I would only think a friendship is forced if you are trying to force someone that isn't interested at all into a friendship. How can you let a friendship unfold naturally in the same way when it is long distance and you have to make a stronger effort to see someone?

Honestly their guts and instincts are what concern me. They are smart, and I wouldn't be surprised if they figured it out. I do have mild autism just so you know. Asperger's to be more specific. I do have a church and community in my area and have a few friends, but I tend to be a lot more targeted at specific people when I make friends compared to others. It's kind of a little bit like platonic infatuation with nothing more then friendship. IDK if I agree with you when it comes to being more satisfying to regularly get together with buddies vs a few times a year. For me its all about the quality of the person themself. Obviously the more I can see them the better, but I am very selective when it comes to friendships and look for a lot more things than most people do. For me a friendships is clearly: "A life lasting link of love, respect, and care between two souls", and NOT at all: "A temporary alliance that relates to a common group / interest / beliefs, and shared life experience.” Therefore, distance really does not matter to me so much at all.

Thanks so much for the advice. I think what you say is very important. I have a few questions for you. I am just curious, why would you feel unsafe and be scared for your spouse's safety as well if a long distance acquaintance wanted to come to see you? I just want to understand more. I am mildly autistic and don't think the same way as most people when it comes to relationships. I am confused as to why it might make you feel unsafe and unsafe for your spouse if you were married? I don't expect a close friendship to happen unless I move back to the area or we cross paths in a life experience somewhere else which is possible, but unlikely at the moment. But I am hoping for at least a genuine distant-lasting friendship that likely won't be super close. Also, with the story you shared, if this guy came to your city for the main reason of getting to know you and just to meet your, why would you have been really put off? Can you describe the feeling you'd feel inside better? I am just trying to understand how other people think. More so, would you have likely created some distance between you and him if he did that and be hesitant to pursue friendship with him?

I think this might actually be a good idea. Thanks so much for the tip. The only thing I just need to make sure is that those people don't get any instincts that they are the motivation for me coming. And yes, I will definitely catch some other people while there. And of course, I am seeking more people in my area as well. I love people in general, the more friends, the better!

I (M23) graduated from college last year, and now live like 6 hrs away. Back when I was in college, I met a couple of acquaintances; a 26 year old guy that we'll call Ryan, and a 28 year old girl that we'll call Hayley, to be specific. Both Ryan and Hayley are grad students that work at the college and live in the area. Ryan, I have only seen on campus a few times walking around and chatting. Hayley, I know a little better but really only had a few interactions with in passing as well, and don't really know her well at all. They're both married by the way; I know Ryan's wife a little bit, but never met Hayley's husband, if that makes any difference. Anyways, I really wish I could've spent more time with them, but we were not in the same circles, and they were very busy people, but I regretfully never tried to ask either of them to get a meal and spend intentional time. I wish I had done that. Anyways, while I barely know either of them, both Ryan and Hayley are people that I have been very friendly with and I think are super cool. We follow each other on Instagram and I will DM them occasionally from time to time just to see how they are doing, and sometimes chit chat but nothing serious or anything. All that to say, I know this might sound weird, but I REALLY REALLY want to cultivate a friendship with both Ryan and Hayley, and perhaps their spouses as well if interested. However, with me living 6 hrs away now its a little difficult. My plan is that I want to make a trip back to my college town to see them. I know plenty of people still at my college that I'll try to see as well if I go, but my main reason for wanting to make a trip back to my college town for a holiday is to grab a meal with Ryan and a meal with Hayley to get to know them better and try and cultivate a friendship. Anyways, they are busy people, and I want to make sure I choose a weekend to come when they are both available and will have the time to get meals with me. My big concern is that, if I send them a text and tell them that I want to come up for the sake of spending time with them, it might make them feel very uncomfortable and push them away because both Ryan and Hayley are only acquaintances right now and they are not close friends. Do you have any advice on how I can approach this without coming off as weird / creepy, or making them uncomfortable? I think they might find it weird that I am making them so much of a priority like this that I'm making a 6 hr trip just to see them, when I barely know them. I know for a fact they don't harbor the same feelings, and I am not expecting them to, at least for a while. But I am hoping after many trips, thinking 3 years ahead, that I can be good friends with both of them. Any advice you have? If you were either Ryan or Hayley, would you feel weird if an acquaintance was intentionally making a long trip like that for the sake of wanting to get a meal with you two? I don't mean having to be there anyways and just asking to spend time and catch up since they're already in town, but making a trip to town for the sole reason of wanting to cultivate a friendship with you. What would you think of that? Would that be a turn off for you? The fact is, I know I don't know Ryan or Hayley that well at all, but they were both so sweet that I have developed a very strong emotional attachment to them, and really want to cultivate a friendship with both of them. I just want those people in my life so bad, even if it is at a distance and I won't be able to see them regularly. If I can even just get meals with them like 2-3 times a year, it would mean so much to me. Is this weird by any chance? Does anyone here think this is not normal of me to want this so much? I (M23) graduated from college last year, and now live like 6 hrs away. Back when I was in college, I met a couple of acquaintances; a 26 year old guy that we'll call Ryan, and a 28 year old girl that we'll call Hayley, to be specific. Both Ryan and Hayley are grad students that work at the college and live in the area. Ryan, I have only seen on campus a few times walking around and chatting. Hayley, I know a little better but really only had a few interactions with in passing as well, and don't really know her well at all. They're both married by the way; I know Ryan's wife a little bit, but never met Hayley's husband, if that makes any difference. Anyways, I really wish I could've spent more time with them, but we were not in the same circles, and they were very busy people, but I regretfully never tried to ask either of them to get a meal and spend intentional time. I wish I had done that. Anyways, while I barely know either of them, both Ryan and Hayley are people that I have been very friendly with and I think are super cool. We follow each other on Instagram and I will DM them occasionally from time to time just to see how they are doing, and sometimes chit chat but nothing serious or anything. All that to say, I know this might sound weird, but I REALLY REALLY want to cultivate a friendship with both Ryan and Hayley, and perhaps their spouses as well if interested. However, with me living 6 hrs away now its a little difficult. My plan is that I want to make a trip back to my college town to see them. I know plenty of people still at my college that I'll try to see as well if I go, but my main reason for wanting to make a trip back to my college town for a holiday is to grab a meal with Ryan and a meal with Hayley to get to know them better and try and cultivate a friendship. Anyways, they are busy people, and I want to make sure I choose a weekend to come when they are both available and will have the time to get meals with me. My big concern is that, if I send them a text and tell them that I want to come up for the sake of spending time with them, it might make them feel very uncomfortable and push them away because both Ryan and Hayley are only acquaintances right now and they are not close friends. Do you have any advice on how I can approach this without coming off as weird / creepy, or making them uncomfortable? I think they might find it weird that I am making them so much of a priority like this that I'm making a 6 hr trip just to see them, when I barely know them. I know for a fact they don't harbor the same feelings, and I am not expecting them to, at least for a while. But I am hoping after many trips, thinking 3 years ahead, that I can be good friends with both of them. Any advice you have? If you were either Ryan or Hayley, would you feel weird if an acquaintance was intentionally making a long trip like that for the sake of wanting to get a meal with you two? I don't mean having to be there anyways and just asking to spend time and catch up since they're already in town, but making a trip to town for the sole reason of wanting to cultivate a friendship with you. What would you think of that? Would that be a turn off for you? The fact is, I know I don't know Ryan or Hayley that well at all, but they were both so sweet that I have developed a very strong emotional attachment to them, and really want to cultivate a friendship with both of them. I just want those people in my life so bad, even if it is at a distance and I won't be able to see them regularly. If I can even just get meals with them like 2-3 times a year, it would mean so much to me. Is this weird by any chance? Does anyone here think this is not normal of me to want this so much?