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Honestly just because I add people on FB does NOT mean that they're actually a real friend. It just means they are someone I know. I would never invite just any random people to events, but again, I don't really organize my personal life and events on Facebook. To be honest, I only look at social media as the next step after just a social club, like this Forum. The difference is, I have met all my FB friends in person, but I use it as only a step up from things like "This Forum" and it's not really much about my personal life. I agree that boundaries are important in friendships, but I'd say I have more relaxed boundaries than the average person. In your example, if you're asking that man to have lunch everyday, I don't see anything wrong with it head on, but if I were you, I would run it over by my S/O / Spouse first and see what they think. The other person is responsible for communicating with his S/O / Spouse. But generally I wouldn't ask an opposite gender to meet one on one everyday unless I am interested romantically. I do think that's excessive. However, if we did it in a group, I wouldn't see anything wrong with that. I agree that if you asked a guy to get lunch one on one every single day, that could signal romantic interest.

That is a very good question! I would hope so! Because if not, it would put me in a very uncomfortable position. I honestly believe that friends that don't take interest in your S/O and have no desire to meet are NOT true friends, but more so people that hang around to see how much they can get out of you. I agree clear intentions are very important.

Seriously, why are we talking about Facebook Friends right now? Why does it matter how many FB friends you have? Why are we even taking social media that seriously? I said before that social media is only used to stay connected and have discussions mainly on a public level. I really don’t buy into social media much at all. All my personal relationships, we communicate over text and email.

We are not friends on social media but this is because I only do Facebook and she only does Instagram. We have no desire to make FB or Insta accounts ourselves.

Attractive guy? Please don't ask me. I am not the one to judge myself. That is for others to decide, not me. If I share my thoughts, I either come across as arrogant or terrible self esteem depending on what I think. I'm not going to answer as to whether I am an attractive guy or not, as that is for others to decide. However, if I am being honest, I would NOT call myself the kind of cool guy that the majority of girls would probably find very attractive and want to date. I am quite different and out of the ordinary. All I can say, is I am NOT normal, and people in general would find me kind of weird (not in a bad way necessarily but just different, out of the ordinary, and unpredictable). I am well aware of the common hidden agenda between male and female interaction, and it makes me sad honestly. I often think that hidden agenda usually is way more on the male side though. At least that is what I always hear. I will admit that when it comes to Facebook, I DO tend to add everyone I meet. Social Media is a place to stay connected and up to date with people, and not where my private life is at all. Its not so much just to say I know people, but more so I like to keep connections open or the possibility of reaching out to someone if I need something or trying to build relational connections for one reason or the other. I also blog a lot about food and soccer on there, so I accept people because they might want to follow my comments on food and soccer. I mean if an older women finds me flattering and thinks I am into them, I'll take it. Obviously, I am not into them, and they probably wouldn't date me like you said, but if I am making them feel good by giving them my attention, I mean that's a great thing!

I'll definitely let you know what happens after it all takes place. Will probably take a couple months at least though. I am not in a rush, but just want to be prepared. I'm the kind of person that likes to plan ahead and be prepared for awkward situations before they happen so I know exactly what to do and how to respond in case something happens! Kind of similar to how in companies, we always prepare for fire alarms, and have drills. I do that with relationships as well.

Sounds Good!

Oh No, I didn't mean to brag at all. Sorry if it came across that way. I won't go as far as to say that one way is better than the other. Everybody is different, has their own needs, views, and meaning of what friendship is. Nobody is better than anyone else. Everyone is different and unique in their own ways. What I meant to say is that what I look for in friendship is different from most people, and therefore I pay attention to certain qualities in people that many might overlook in friendships or not take notice of. This means that these specific people are good choice friends for "ME personally", but not at all does it mean they are better than the other person, NO NO NO NO NO. I think what I was trying to say is my definition of friendship and what matters to me is a little different when compared to most people at least in the USA culture.

Yes! We’ve been on about 6 dates now! It’s slowly progressing.

OK, I generally do not go into people pleasing mode. I have my boundaries and don't have the time to go all out for people all the time. There have been plenty of requests that I have had to reject just due to boundaries, etc, and me having other responsibilities. I will admit, I probably do cling on to more people than the average person would, but that is because I notice real qualities in people on deeper levels that I'm unsure if most people pay much attention to, and I admire those qualities in those specific people. Everyone is different. We all bond better with some people than others. When it comes to my neediness, obviously we all need friends and people in our live. That is a given, but I also enjoy helping them and doing things for them because I love them. I'd never do something for someone that I didn't really want to do out of kindness or obligation. From my experience though, while I wouldn't say people pleaser, I have got very attached quickly, and some people I think were turned off and did feel like it was a red flag because it was too much too soon. They felt I was too attached for how well I knew them, and it seemed really weird. IDK why it was so weird to them, but my guess is likely because those qualities can often be displayed by narcissists or toxic / dangerous people just to gain trust, and they were afraid of that. But some really felt flattered, and loved it. I'd say it's a little like dating where I get intensely focused right away but just in a platonic way, and can get a little obsessed. But as I see more of them and get to know them better, that fixation dies down and becomes more of a normal relationship and it'll often turn into just real platonic love. It's almost a similar cycle to the start of romantic relationships but just in a platonic way. This happens with guys as well with me actually. It's actually very similar to how they make friends in the Netherlands. It's often like dating. You'll meet someone for the first time. If the interaction goes well, you'll get more, if not you'll never hear from them. Then you kind of think in your head, how this person will fit into your life, and how you can include them as a friend. This is the Dutch way of making friends, although they do it a lot slower than I myself would often. A lot of the people that find this really flattering and love it are the older ladies actually.

I see what you're saying! And first of all, I agree 100% that your S/O should be person number 1 in your life, and if I do end up actually liking this girl and wanting to move forward, she will definitely be number 1. Otherwise, I wouldn't end up dating her. We're not official yet though, so I am still thinking and trying to figure out how much I like her. She is probably doing the same. Again though, I'm ok with using a group text or meeting them with a third person there and not 1 on 1 if it makes my girlfriend more comfortable. What do you think? Would that solve the issues? I can sacrifice one on ones. And NOT all my friends are female, I do have male friends too. LOL, I have about 3,500 FB friends, but most of them are just acquaintances that I don't know super well. OK let me tell you this: growing up, I was a third culture kid that moved to different places almost every 1-2 years and met a lot of new people. Also building relationships is part of my job now, as I work for a non-profit organization that is mainly focused on ministry. Due to the nature of my job, there is really no lines between professional and personal relationships. My job requires me to build relationships with people basically. It's a religious organization.

Well I was kind of saying it as a joke, but usually the main reason I would do that is if I do not regularly come into contact with them and see them everyday. I still want some kind of friendship with them, and that is the only way to make it happen.

LOL!!! You have a point! This just makes me laugh because I was always the kind of person that would get attached to people quickly without knowing them very well. It’s like I’d meet someone for the first time, they’d become a new acquaintance that I quickly become extremely fond of, and then by the next week, I’d be making sacrifices for them, and going way out of my way to see them as if they were one of the most important people in my life!!! I’d form a specific idea of them in my head and get so attached! Some people felt uncomfortable by it while others would feel so honored, flattered, and find it cute!

I’ve had to make choices before in the past on who I’d prioritize on certain visits yes. We’re all relaxed about it. Honestly, I don’t think any of these 25 friends really have high expectations of me and nor do I of them. It’s mostly, we just have mutual love and respect for each other and we try to see each other whenever possible and we can make it work. But there’s no pressuring or high expectations. We both realize that we have lots of priorities in life that do not involve each other, and it’s ok. We’re very relaxed, and the only expectation we really have of each other is just being intentional in keeping up and trying to see each other whenever we can make it work. Also in terms of a child, that would be our choice, and if a friend were to demand that, that’d honestly be intruding on our private business in my opinion.

Honestly, as long as I trusted my girlfriend, I really would not have a problem with her communicating with a number of guy friends. As long as I felt that I was her priority when it came to investment for the most part, I'd be fine. I would definitely want to meet those friends, but I wouldn't push it. However, if I felt she was hiding something from me, then I might feel uneasy, but only if I really had a reason to be suspicious. If she had an issue with it, I would probably ask her why, and at first, I would talk about it with her and see if we can come to a compromise in order to make her more comfortable. Like maybe propose the fact that I create group texts with all those friends that are girls and include my girlfriend in all those texts so she can see what we are talking about. That would definitely be one proposal. Another thing I would propose is that I'd stop hanging out with those girls one on one, and always invite her along. If she can't come, I'll make sure that either their husband's or another one of their friends is present to avoid 1 on 1s. However, if we cannot come to a compromise, and she insist I stop communicating with those friends, I will break up immediately with her. I REFUSE to cut communication with those 25 friends that I have known and have been key to my life. I will not do that for the world. These friends being a distraction? Excuse Me? Those friends have been important people in my life one way or another. And I care for them so much. I LOVE people in general, and would never ever call any one of my friends a distraction. They all add substance in different ways.

Almost all the examples you mentioned sound pretty legit. I do have a question about these two. For the first example you mentioned, if I was the male friend, I probably would've done the exact same thing as he did. Go out of my way to befriend the husband. However, not everyone would do that. But I was just wondering, why didn't the male friend just talk about the personal issue with you and your husband? Thats probably what I would've done. Also how was it a date night if your male friend was tagging along? How was the classmate being flirtatious? Was she crossing boundaries in her texts and taxing things that were not really appropriate?

Obviously I will tell them when it is official, but what am I supposed to expect from them after that?

Regardless of how close your BF was to those people, I think he should've set some boundaries in terms of having some nights solely for date nights with you, and not letting them just pop in or come over at anytime. As I said, I love all those friends, but they wouldn't just come by or interrupt date nights. All those friends and I have some boundaries that we don't just call without setting up a time or stop by without plans unless it is an absolute emergency. All times we hangout and FaceTime generally need to be planned / scheduled in advance.

Thanks for this, as this is really what I was looking for! Now I have some follow up questions for you in regards to this! If my potential girlfriend expressed concern or that she is uncomfortable, I would definitely listen and try to figure out the reasons and maybe ask her what I can do to make her more comfortable. I am willing to make sacrifice and compromises for her sake of course. However, if she were to demand I cut off contact with those people, I would likely break up with her, because that is just possessive to me. Can I ask, what would you have expected from your boyfriend after you voiced concerns about another female in his life? Is it ok if I ask you to give me an example of a time you were concerned, you expressed it, how he responded, and how you wish he responded? Just would like to know better if you don't mind sharing an example!

I think 2 full days every weekend is a good amount. And anytime I’m in town, I do plan to spend time with her. She’s always welcome on my travels but she has her own jobs as well. I can’t control my work responsibilities. They require me to travel.

Yes and that should take at least a year, possibly 2-3.

We wouldn’t hangout one on one in a private place, but meeting for coffee or a meal for like 1-2 hrs is totally ok. Although like I said before, when I do see my female married friends, it’s often not one on one. Usually with their husbands or one of their other friends.

Again I will see them if they travel to my town, but they don't visit as often as I visit them and we are ok with that. We are very chill, and there are no obligations at all.

Of course I would do that for her. I do think it is very important to get time alone with your partner and have a 1 on 1 vacation for sure. Not only am I willing to, but I would want to devote at least one one on one holiday with my girlfriend per year, possibly more. That being said, both this girl and I are very religious, and we strictly have boundaries that we do not sleep together prior to marriage. We are strictly virgins until getting married.

Well let me say this. Honestly I don't actually prioritize family as much, and when I was growing up, I considered a lot of these friends kind of like family, and prioritized them more in terms of trust and who I'd share things with. Call me crazy, but I was never the most loyal to family. Really my parents are the only ones in my family that I even make it a point to see. None of my grandparents are still alive, and I am not close with anyone else. Therefore, I call these friends brothers and sisters and they are kind of like my family to me. Not to mention, my parents live in Italy anyways, so I can't just see them at anytime. They only come back once every 2 years, so I usually do make sure I spend time with them then.