lilypad502239

My (29F) boyfriend (31M) and I have been dating for 3 years. About 2 years has been long distance. We both live in the same state now but still 6 hours away from each other. He did not treat me well the first year and a half we dated, but I stayed with him trying to make it work. However, I think because of the many times he told me I was "too sensitive" whenever I brought up any kind of issue or concern about the relationship, the constant put-downs that I would get offended by (then being told that I couldn't take a joke), and various other times he never put me first have caused me to lose feelings for him. We recently took a "break" for one week, and he finally sent me flowers and wrote me a hand-written note (two things I have asked him to do our entire relationship but never did). However, the note pretty much blamed me for all the problems in our relationship- saying I always "nag him that it wears on him" and that "my own insecurities will be the downfall of this relationship". I am not sure who wouldn't be insecure dating him. I feel as though I have withered away by being with him. I used to travel all the time but haven't since dating him. I used to have a lot of friends but have pushed so many away (not so much because of him, but because of depression/isolation). I just feel like I have allowed him to ruin my confidence to the point that I am afraid to break up with him because I won't find anything better. After we took a break, he started seeing a therapist and has gotten better, but he has noticed that I have been distant. He wants to talk 24/7, and I used to answer all of his calls/texts, but I just don't want to anymore. He always complains about his job and just complains in general, and I have been struggling myself so I just tell him I can't listen to it. He gets upset with me and says that I should be there for him like he is there for me. I just cannot put up with hearing how horrible his job/life is, especially first thing in the morning. He tells me how mean I am to him now and how he has been "nice" and treated me better than I have treated him for "years". Well, just 6 months ago he told me to "Get ***ed" before getting off the phone in a fit of rage. Once we got off the phone, I texted him that he cannot talk to me like that and his response was "go *** yourself". I need to find the courage to break up with him, but it has been very difficult. I feel like I will not find better and my age is a concern as well as I will turn 30 this year. I guess I am just scared of being alone. I also feel like it is my fault the relationship is not working, but deep down, I know it's not. Any advice will help. Thank you so much in advance.

My (29f) boyfriend (30M) and I have been dating for 2.5 years. About 2 of those years have been long distance. We currently live 5.5 hours away from each other. We had some ups and downs in the beginning of our relationship, but I would say for about a year it has been pretty steady for the most part. I still have some reservations though, and I recently brought them up to my boyfriend. Due to how he used to treat me, my family does not like him. My family is really important to me, and it is important that they approve of whoever I end up marrying. Him and I have discussed plans to eventually live together/marriage, and this has been something that keeps lingering over me so I needed to bring it up to him somehow. So, one day he kept saying that he wants to quit his job but is afraid that if he doesn't make enough money then I won't love him. I told him that I don't care about that. I care about the way he treats me and if my family likes him. I went on to kindly bring up my concerns about my family not liking him, and he got super defensive. He said he was on his "best behavior" when he met them and it still was not good enough. He said it is my fault that they don't like him because I told them all of the bad things he did. While I understand where he is coming from, my family did not know any of the "bad things" he did before meeting him for the first time, and they still were not too fond of him. Dealing with the way he treated me was not easy, and I needed someone to talk to about it so unfortunately, I looked to my sisters for support/guidance. I told him that he just needed to show them how much he has changed. He proceeded to tell me that my family is a bunch of "f*ggots", and that comment really hurt me and was SO uncalled for. I then brought up my concerns with marriage and potentially having children. He has had two kids who he does not speak to so it concerns me that he will not be 100% present when we have kids. Who am I to think I am any different than the other women he left? He again got very defensive and said that he thinks that I would be a bad parent because I am mentally unstable. He said that he thinks I would be a bad mom, not present, and mean due to my mental health issues. This really, really hurt me. I love kids and always thought I would be a great mother one day despite my struggles with mental health. This conversation made me realize that maybe he really has not changed at all and I am even more concerned now that I need to end this relationship. I am #1 tired of long distance and #2 tired of feeling like I am dating his potential instead of facing the reality of who he is. I understand these conversations are not easy and what I said was not easy to hear, but I feel like his responses/reactions were so hurtful and out of line. Any advice/guidance on how to navigate this is greatly appreciated.