Jakeissorry

Yes Cherylyn I feel blessed and lucky to have this chance. For the meantime the appointments with 3 closest providers all land on the weekdays in the mornings and afternoons. I found one for Satuday Oct 3rd. It's about an hour away, farther but ok. That's the one I'm going to. I'm going to take a break from here and coming back later on to update you all. Thank you all.

Lambert I was given this chance to work on the relationship so this is what I'm doing. In the past (after I did the prank), I was trying to make it up to her by showering her with gift from time to time and yes I was missing the point. She felt insecure for the longest but it's only recently when we spoke that she expressed it all. It's all about communication. It helps see where I went wrong and what are the steps to improve it. At the same time, I have to work on myself too. It's a process. I have an appointment set up for Saturday Oct 3rd.

No. I'm getting help on my own.

The date went good and she preferred going to the park to talk about things than going to the movies. I lost track of how many times I've expressed remorse and apologized for my past actions by now. I meant it all from the heart. Once she was done stating her views, I let her know that I'm there for her and to give me this chance to start again, to show her I can be the trustful, realiable, mature man. Like mentioned, for now she just wants me to refer to her as my gf, said he still loves me but wants to feel secure. I'm calling the providers tomorrow, the sooner the better. Hopefully they have an appointment during the weekends.

Why you think that? I know you don't believe me but I do mean it all, everything. There is no trick nor anything.

I'm really sorry for everything and working hard to be the man she would've wanted to marry and have kids with. As a fresh start, I'll never be late on anything. I'm going to give her roses and take her to the movies. I do understand it'll take time for her to Know I'm changing for the better, to trust me again.

yeah I learned that the hard way. I had to see for myself that's not real.

I think I had a wrong perception of reality and people's reaction outside of work. At the same time, I was looking for attention when doing it. I would see some of those videos reached lots of subscribers and thought to myself ''wow, you can get people and get fame by just making videos''.

I never went to any professional before. Thought there was a time my mother wanted to get me evaluated many years ago (I was then 8 years old) but my father talked her out of it and thought that was nonsense, that they're lying chatterboxes just there to collect money. She used to be worried due to her their age when they had me. They were trying to conceive for many years, went on treatments but to no success. They gave up on some point and suddenly they had me. I was their miracle baby. When they finally had me, my mother was 42 and my father 46. On Monday I'll search for providers near my area and see if I can set up an appointment landing on the weekend. That would be my first time ever going to a professional. I'm guessing they ask you a lot about your past.

I like that, esp the bolded part. Thank you.

If her reaction was like in the videos, I was going to show it to my friends first but base on my friends' negative reaction over the prank, I would have to delete it too.

I was filming it until I saw her reaction. Then I deleted it all forever.

Yes I'm learning the hard way. I never had a previous relationship nor date before her. She's still my first. I was 22 when I met her. I graduated from HS and my first 4 years of college still being a virgin.

Most of my former pranks weren't really my creativity either. It was from watching too much videos or clips in movies about it. If I saw an interesting scene or prank, I would pause it and then watch it again. My real self is serious and straight forward. For me it's like there were only two separate places; workplace (I get paid) and everything outside of workplace. In the workplace, I can be obsessed with organization, success and getting promoted again to manager one day. Once I'm not at work anymore, I was the carefree, joyful personality again.

Nope I have never been evaluated. I guess I can try and see how it goes. I was motivated with the proposal prank videos on youtube. At the time, I really thought her reaction would be the same as those videos; slightly annoyed and a bit upset but then calmer after telling her that I'll do it for real the 2nd time. Then afterwards the girl would say that she'lI get back at him for that prank. I used to think reactions seen on videos and/or movies was closest to how people react in real life. Needlessly to say, nope her reaction was nothing at all like the videos. It was heartbreaking. I was in shock at how much I had hurt her. It was more than what I expected.

I would like to share this because I think it's important: I know the answer to her question about why my proposal prank from 2 years ago was creative and sophisticated and had an over the top romantic scene and a good presentation vs my lame real proposal. She questioned why I couldn't do the same with the real proposal. I know the answer. The fake proposal, I was copied it from other videos. All the wording, presentation and scene was from those other videos. I memorized a whole script and practiced it front of a mirror many times until I got it right. I only said this in my real proposal: ''It's been 4 great years. Will you marry me my love''. That was my real self and what I feel without following a script.

No I'm not able to recognize distrust if someone doesn't tell me. I really thought we had worked it out, we were getting along again and she was happy in the relationship. I'm glad she told me everything that was bothering her ever since the prank. I wouldn't have figured it out without being told. I'm not very good in reading signs to be honest. Thank you and yes I hopefully it all works for the best.

Good point. Odd sense of ethics? Interesting. I've been told that before in the past multiple times. In the past when I was making a prank and not realizing (I didn't know others were getting bored or irritated) when to stop, one of my friends once pulled me aside and said ''You're a good friend but you can be weird too''.

Thank you Cherylyn I'll keep in mind to that. That's a nice, creative name by the way. I think if I ever have a baby girl I'll name her that.

Our mutual friend and other best friends (all males) said something similar to this too. They called me out on it too. Even one of my friends who is against marriage was upset with me too. Neither of them would do what I did. I deserved it. I hope for the best too. Hopefully one day this will be in the past. We have a date this Sunday so that's a fresh start.

The due date for the next bill has been written down and I threw away all the old stuff. I did kept my promises of not doing anymore pranks ever since hurting her with the fake proposal so that's a change. I'm going to follow through with the other changes. It's for myself. Once I'm motivated for the better (regardless of the reason), I actually don't revert back. I hope we can one day look past this. It would mean the world if she accepts my proposal one day but I understand how she feels. She can take all the time. I'm ready whenever she is.

I saw a couple fake proposals done on youtube and both seem to treat it as another joke or if the girl was a bit upset, it wouldn't last too long. So I thought I could do the same and did it. She was already upset with the prior Covid prank but she didn't think I would have the guts to insult marriage too. When I did that horrible prank, that was when she started changing her views on me, began seeing my other flaws mentioned and haven't felt secured since. I'm working on making it up to her.

The more I think about it and analize my former self from 2 years ago, I've come to the conclusion that it was likely an attempt of escaping from anything that reminded me of doing things under pressure and being serious (ex: the time I had to fire someone) for too long. When I wasn't at work anymore, it was my way of reverting back to my carefree, prankster self again but it was another extreme too, mean spirited and childish. It took me a while to realize I was hurting her. I never meant to ruin the relationship. I love her dearly.

I'm actually serious in the workplace and ironically function well there. My gf gets puzzled by this. She doesn't understand why I'm a different person in my job vs outside of work.

I'm back and exhausted now. It was a very long day at work today. I actually have a full time job (supervisor to be exact) and it was only yesterday that I decided to call in sick to fix the issue with my gf. Honestly, I have no issues at work and that's an irony my gf has a hard time understanding. She couldn't understand why I'm a different person in my job than in the relationship and outside of work, why so dedicated and serious in the job but different at home, why I'm not late nor forgetful at work but late on our dates and others things. I actually have no financial issues and can actually support myself. Hence why I was still able to pay my delayed home bills, buy several shoes,order delivery and still had money for the ring. As to whether I still live with my parents, no I don't but we're only 5-10 minutes away. We live on the same street, same parking lot (shared the same cars too) but different apartment complexes. In regards to my housing situation, to make a long story short, I'm living in what used to be late maternal grandpa's house. My mother is also an only child and he included both her and me on his will. However, my mother instead gave it to me so I am the owner. That is my own place since I was 21 and it's only been yesterday since I started organizing the house. My part time job (actually it's more like a hobby for the meanwhile since I don't have a fixed schedule) is actually my father's family business shop, which he wants me to eventually run it one day.