flutterby27

Thank you all for the advice. I will follow through on it tomorrow. I'm just in shock right now because today started off as normal and he was 100% okay until I brought up what was bothering me and it somehow flipped into him wanting a divorce because he needs a fresh start because he can't be with someone who views him so poorly. I just don't understand how it got flipped the way it did.

He texted me from work this evening and we talked about everything. I asked for my name on the bank account, he said no. He doesn't trust it because I'm irresponsible and will lose the card. I told him I wanted my name on the car, he says that will give me leverage in court if I left him and there's no way he'd give me the car. He said if I wanted to make money I need to either donate plasma or start an only fans account, so I can make my own. After we talked for a while he said that he just wants a fresh start and he thinks that divorce is best because he can't be with someone who thinks so poorly of him.

I tried to talk to him about helping out around the house more and he got angry. He said that I'm belittling him and treating him poorly. I should have been more tactful but it all just came out. I didn't name call or yell, but I did show that I was angry and upset. (Tone of voice and body language). He gave me the silent treatment most of the afternoon and I told him that it's an emotionally abusive tactic to punish me for standing up for myself. He's now saying that I'm the one who's emotionally abusive for belittling him and tearing him down? I wish I wouldn't have said anything because when I told him I would leave if his behavior persist, he challenged it by saying "do what you need to do but just know, I'll do what I need to do." The car is in his name and he said that I would have to find my own way because he'd be taking it. Before leaving, he said "the ball is in your court" and then he turned to our girls and said "mommy is leaving daddy and taking you so I can't see you anymore because she doesn't love daddy anymore." My heart is broken for them and I don't know what to do. He's right, I don't have anywhere to go really. I don't have a bank account. For years, he has worked on getting his credit score to perfect while mine has sat neglected, bills going to collections. It feels easier/safer to stay put right now. I wish I wouldn't have said anything.

You know the feeling you get in your chest when you're leaning too far back in your chair and you feel it start to slip out from underneath you? Recently I've been feeling like this 24/7 with no relief. I feel constantly on edge and I just need to vent/ask for advice. I don't know if my husband is super critical of everything I do or if there is something seriously wrong with my cognitive abilities. I'm torn between feeling like my husband is creating situations to criticize me about (it sounds crazy, I know.) and the possibility that there IS something wrong with my memory (I'm in my late 20's). Here are some example of the situations I'm referring to: My husband gets home from work. He works Night Shift, so it's past midnight. I'm woken from my sleep. He's PISSED. I forgot to lock the car. But I thought I locked the car.. now I'm not so sure. It's the third time this week. Why can't I remember now? Why does this keep happening? My husband is getting ready to leave for work and he does a "walk through" of the house to make sure everything is in order (he feels like he needs to). We have a two and four year old, so we have outlet covers on all outlets. I vacuumed earlier in the day. He discovers an outlet cover is left out of the wall, I must have forgotten. He's mad at me again. My husband is in the living room, and I'm in the room next to him. He's angry at me again because the heater is on. It's the middle of the summer. The heater shouldn't be on. And didn't I just hear the click of the switch when he walked in? I clearly imagined that because what on earth would even be the purpose of this? My husband gets home from work. He goes into our office and I've left my heating pad on.. again. Incidents like this are increasing in frequency and I feel like I'm quite literally losing my mind. I've had to implement "rituals" so that I don't forget important things. For instance, I lock the car door FOUR times because maybe the first three didn't lock it. I'm torn between feeling like there's something wrong with me or that he's trying to rattle me (or maybe in a twisted way, he is trying to ingrain it into my head that I need to remember because in the past I really did forget.) The reason for my suspicion is because there are times that I really do feel like I did the thing he says that I didn't, but my memory feels so fuzzy anymore I really have no way of knowing the truth. I worry it's dementia because that does runs in my family. He chalks it up to me being careless but I genuinely try not to be. I just needed to vent but if anyone has advise/insight, it would be welcomed.

I feel shut out from my husband and I don't know how to get past it. I like talking through issues and I feel like communication is an important aspect in resolving conflicts within a marriage. My husband, on the other hand, hates talking about problems. Especially if I'm the one who has them. I need an outsiders perspective on what's going wrong and ideas on how to work through it. Here is an example of how this will typically play out: I've recently noticed a pattern with my husband. I will try to talk to him about hopes, dreams, aspirations, and he will quickly shut me down. "You can't lose weight because the stress and responsibilities around the house will get to you.", "You can't go back to work because you'll never get a schedule that fits around mine and we have no one to watch the kids.", "We can't work on your credit because it doesn't matter anyways. Everything we'd need credit for can just go through mine." I feel like he doesn't support me in improving myself, no matter what it is. So I try to bring it up. This is not mid argument or during a stressful or inappropriate time. The conversation will go like this: "I've noticed a pattern and I feel like you aren't supportive." "Look, I don't want to talk about this. Drop it." "I don't want to argue or anything. I just want to talk about it." "I've told you, drop it. You're gonna make me mad." "I want to talk about it because it's hurtful and.." "I f***** warned you and now it's going to be a bad day. I don't understand why you're like this. Why do you always have to start stuff? It's like you live for the drama." At this point in the conversation I can either choose to back down or press on. If I press on, it will be a full blown argument. If it's an argument, it will likely be us arguing in circles and getting nowhere. If I back down, I get the silent treatment until he decides to talk to me again. After this specific conversation, I chose to back down because I don't have the energy to fight. It feels like it won't go anywhere anyways. Now I am left in the silent treatment phase. I just don't know what to do. It sometimes feels so hopeless. Like hitting a brick wall where my feelings and emotions are never validated. Couples therapy is not an option as he has said he will absolutely never go to a stranger about our problems. I feel like I need an outsiders opinion and advice.