HemispheresX1

13 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

OP, just focus on your work. 

The rest it doesn't matter and you will lose your job if you behave unprofessionally. 

If by professionally you mean avoiding all contact to avoid any false claims, you betcha. 

It was a setup. They aren't normal. 

13 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I don't see from what you wrote, any evidence of "jealousy games".  Them making plans to go out when you can hear them?  Not a jealousy game.  Telling you she's 19?  Why would you ask her age anyway?  

Whatever the case may be, you are right, acting completely professional should always be the way you act.  No more trying to make eye contact with her and no more requesting her on social media.  Work is for work, not for trying to get the attention of female coworkers who you suspect may be underage.

I never asked her age. It was told to me. 

Not at all. I was set up to be fired. End of story. From here on out she gets to see the professional *** side of me. 

Too many coincidences. The jealousy games, then telling me she's 19, then me completely cutting contact with her, then her comment. 

Plus I noticed she only works 4 hour shifts which I know from being a minor in retail means you are in fact working underage labor hours. 

Not at all. They haven't said anything.  I think they (minors) were trying to convince me she was of age thinking I would ask her out and end up getting fired. 

Turns out the whole situation was set-up by the younger kids to get me canned. She is in fact a minor. From what I can gather she was under the suspicion that I was flirting with her by thanking her for bagging for me (on my first couple of days while I was getting the hang of ringing up merchandise and bagging simultaneously mind you) and she didn't have to do it because her position entails no such thing. 

Yesterday when I returned to work she began bagging for me and after she finished she made a comment along the lines of "try it again" before walking off. 

I tried telling her after that I didn't need any help bagging as I have gotten better but she is insistent on coming over and bagging for me on occasion now. Looks like I narrowly missed getting fired on this one. 

Coworker confirmed her age. Year older than I thought. Not like it makes the situation any better. She's been blocked on social media and as stated I don't have any plans on interacting with her from here on out.  

3 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Stay professional. Do not say anything to her about you believing she has a crush on you. Unless you want to take a chance of getting into trouble at work for speaking inappropriately to coworkers, just keep your head down and do your job. If she approaches you, speak only about work related topics.

You also need to stop doing this. You don't want her to report you to HR for staring at her. I don't care how hot she is, this is a big time "NO".

Are you married or in a relationship? Or actively dating?

No I'm not married, not in a relationship, not actively dating. I'm working on getting my life together. 

And the situation seemed to have resolved itself for now. She was extremely unhappy with me when I came in to start my shift. Luckily she left shortly after I clocked in and I avoided all contact with her. 

Well see what next week brings. 

Because I can pick up on body language and the fact that the co-worker kept looking back and smiling at me while they were talking was pretty tell as well. I'm not an idiot. I'm just in an extremely uncomfortable situation that I'd like to nip in the bud as soon as possible. 

And if you need all the juicy details another "minor" co-worker mentioned her name last week and did a little double eyebrow raise as he did so they're basically dropping hints. 

So basically an girl who I am assuming is 18 years old has taken a liking to me at work and I'm concerned about it. I say I assume because at first I thought she was underage but then she started referring to other minor employees and minors too so I the best I can guess is that she's 18. Me on the otherhand, I'm about to turn 34 in 17 days. 

Anywho. I may have invited this upon myself by looking at her too much (eye contact) and thanking for helping me out with my duties at work. I just started here last week and yesterday she and another co-worker were trying to make me jealous by speaking casually amongst themselves withing earshot of me for about an hour, then suddenly she came over by me and tried to make conversation when I asked her if she knew where my relief was. When I ended the conversation she went back over the other co-worker and they pretended to make plans for after work. 

I just handled it by telling the other co-worker to have fun tonight. 

But I'm wondering how to best handle this extremely young co-worker who is half my age without just blurting out "Hey you're a child, I'm a adult - it ain't happening". 

The sexy underwear is a dead giveaway.  She went out looking for sex that night. Sorry man. 

1 hour ago, jazz_lover said:

If a girl seems unhappy on a date and is avoiding eye contact and perhaps being very quiet and distant I think I would also assume she was not interested and be a little annoyed she could not even be bothered to go through the motions. Of course he should have waited until dinner was over and then politely made an excuse to cut the date short instead of making a scene and walking out. Obviously if she was tearful he should have asked if everything was OK but from the sound of it the OP was trying to hide her emotional distress and probably did so in such a way that she just seemed distant and unhappy rather than obviously upset. 

But he did try to continue the date once she called him and tried to explain. But obviously it was not a fun date for him so I can understand why he does not feel particularly inclined to meet up with her again. 

It was a bad first date. And unfortunately bad first dates do not usually lead to a second date. That is life. 

And you dodged a bullet because the substance abuse issues and a lot of BS in his life suggests he has a lot of baggage and isn't relationship material. And while I don't think his overreaction necessarily means he is an abusive bully or a jerk it does indicate he has poor self control and a bit of a temper which does not bode well for future misunderstandings and disagreements.

 

 

 

Well I guess with my experiences I can tell if someone is genuinely disinterested or actually having anxiety issues.  It's a bit judgey and taking things too personally to just jump to conclusions and assume they aren't into you at all. 

22 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I think it's more "ok" to say you don't want children especially if you are a person looking for social media validation with all the clarion cries of "let's normalize ___" meaning let's make it ok to post publicly about going against the grain.  I did things unusually too but only because I had to become the right person to find the right person and got in my own way -not because of how other people assumed that I prioritized my career or loved dating half the planet (and that's fine -I tried to ignore the judgey types and took the long way around as the Dixie Chicks/Chicks song goes).

The OP has made many negative generalized statements about women so I think he can go wrong unless he resolves to reconsider and treat women as individuals with a bit more of an open mind. Wanting a woman who doesn't want marriage or kids is totally fine -many people want a commitment without a legal marriage, many do not want children (he didn't answer if he'd be ok with stepchildren) - but it's not ok to go in to getting to know someone with some of the preconceptions and assumptions he's written in this thread, IMHO.  

Hence why I backed away from those statements, yall got butthurt and took it personally. What I was getting at is marriage is far too risky these days to just enter a relationship and be like "yeah I'm looking to get married". It's not a safe thing to bet on unless you think you can spend the rest of your life with that person and vice versa. But most people these days just put a number on it - we've been dating or living together x amount of years so why not get married.  

6 hours ago, mylolita said:

The average divorce these days will still often financially cripple a normal guy. 
 

Men are more romantic than stereotyped in my opinion. They feel just as deep and are just as wounded and sensitive as women, they just go about showing it and dealing with it in different ways. There is an idea that men don’t care as much or aren’t bothered as much about working on their relationships and marriages - I find this so untrue. 
 

It is also very true women generally are the ones that file for divorce. Men will have affairs but not want to dissolve their marriages, women who have affairs normally don’t stay in their marriages and do initiate the end. I realise these are generalisations, there are exceptions to the rule but if you live your life long enough you will notice a pattern. 
 

Hemisphere! Daydream away, to me, there is nothing wrong with hoping, wishing, and romanticising dreams and what you want for your future, as long as you are not completely unrealistic and setting yourself up for a fall. How old are you? I’m 32 and have been with my husband for 14 years with three young children under 5 but I know quite a few women in my generation and below who don’t want children. As long as you are honest and open about that you can’t go wrong there. There is a shift from traditionalism at the moment and women are either really holding off on getting married and having children or being open and saying children aren’t for them.

 

x

33. 

15 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yes he acted like a jerk but if someone I was meeting for the first time showed up behaving that way I'd certainly try to be helpful as I would to any stranger but with the same result -once I ascertained he was ok just not choosing to make eye contact with me or have a normal conversation -I'd have made an excuse and left.  I was in that situation more than once on a first meet.

One guy showed up dressed in basically dirty clothing and was unkempt so I switched our plan from the nice bar area to a bookstore cafe downstairs. I stayed about 20 minutes, realized he wasn't stable and made an excuse and left. Another guy showed up without making eye contact and basically with tremors and telling me stories about how he'd been on radio shows with famous people.  Did the same thing. 

You are right -there is no reason to show more than slight annoyance at taking the time to meet someone who shows up not doing his or her part to make normal conversation.  But I don't think he had to go all out to comfort her under the circumstances.  

Well coming from someone who had severe anxiety at one point and struggled with eye contact - I wouldn't take it personally. 

The appropriate thing to do would of been to comfort you and try and cheer you up. Not be a complete *** and make you feel like ***. 

Dude is a piece of work. 

49 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

From reddit? Don't date creepy trolls and weirdos.

Date real men you meet at college.

Get an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Discuss the crying jags and other things. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

Reddit is a toilet. Lots of hate groups. Dating apps work better than that.

I second this.  I just got banned from reddit last month for trolling the dating and relationships subreddits. 

-shrugs-

Boredom makes you do weird things. 

2 hours ago, LoveSiiick said:

No, but he said he is looking for a relationship.

Smdh....

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

This is not a person who is safe for you to be in contact with.

Can't agree more. 

9 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Why would you apologize for being so badly mistreated?

He's terrible, PLUS he's a substance abuser. Bottom of the barrel material right there.

Please delete his contact info and block him from any and all means of contact. And please spend a lot of time reflecting on why you find a guy like this "fun and attractive".

I swear I hear of this time and time again with young, immature girls. Treated badly, personally take the blame, pursue the guy anyway just because he seems exciting and put up with the abuse. It's sad as can be. 

Wow. You apologized to him? What the *** for? Run far away. Drinking and smoking heavily and being borderline emotionally abusive. Seems like a recipe for an abusive relationship. Dump his ass and find someone else. 

7 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

OK you guys that is such an a misogynistic POV . I know 3 women right now that did not have anyone "lined up" before filing. And they are still not dating anyone. They are way too busy trying to get their lives together. It's tragic that these women have to start all over. 

Never said women had anyone else lined up. There are cases of it happening - but in most cases they get fed up and leave. In cases where there's a strong marriage or children involved they may try counseling first but typically once women get sick of someones *** they're out of there.

Anyways I'm not getting into this back and forth again. I've got two I can ask out that don't work together at all, so when I return I shall have at it. 

37 minutes ago, waffle said:

all of them had someone else lined up before filing. 

That pretty much proves my theory that men stick around because it's harder for them to find someone else than it is for women. 

16 minutes ago, waffle said:

The lad has a point, divorce--for example--is overwhelmingly filed by wives.  That's a statistical fact.

The are other generalizations out there which are statistically true but they shouldn't affect your day-to-day interactions with individuals.

I don't know about the whole "unconditional love" thing.  There should always be conditions.  I mean, what, you should be able to cheat on them repeatedly, harm or kill their child, etc. and you still think you're entitled to "unconditional love"?  There should always be dealbreakers.

From someone who has dumped lots of men in her time, make sure you are an asset and not a liability in a relationship and you should be fine.

I have thoughts about going down the list asking multiple women out for "coffee" who all volunteer at the same place and therefore presumably know each other, too.  Don't do that because we find out and you become the workplace joke.

Hence why I haven't asked anymore out. There were two others that were overly friendly and ended up being married.  I'm talking following me around everywhere and even touching or grabbing my hand when I was asked to pass them something.

12 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yes, just be honest with whoever that you're not looking for marriage in any general or specific way.  The "it could happen" likely will mean nothing to a woman in her 30s who wants a marriage-minded man.  (I would never have met or gone on a date with a man who felt that way about marriage - or had any personally negative views on marriage -I did a lot of dating from age 30-39).

Noted. 

10 minutes ago, tattoobunnie said:

RED FLAG!!!!!!!!!!!

Lmao.