Hi,
I was in a first love relationship from age 14-22 on/off. Things were great in beginning as they are as teenagers, then slowly faded and were issues focused mainly on him not making time for me, being excluded, me breaking up with him then wanting back in, cyclical nothing changing etc
I met my now husband about 2 years later, we had a long distance relationship, then worked hard to get back to the same city. I had no doubts at all during this time he was the one I was meant to be with. Fast forward, wedding etc 2 children—I can specifically pin point after our first child together was when I started thinking of my first love—I’m not sure if I realised my situation was very very permanent (I have a tendency to run away from things) or whether it was a bit of PND, lack of empathy from my husband, loss of identity that has contributed to this—it seemed to dissipate when she turned about 2, however has now come back after 2nd baby with vengeance during covid lockdown. He is on my mind all day, I visit places and it’s him I think of, it’s him I think of being with wanting the life I have. What could have been with him? I ran into him last year by coincidence and my heart went crazy, I could hardly string a sentence together. It’s just cemented these thoughts even more so where it’s affecting me everyday-I feel upset, angry for leaving him. It’s affecting my mood everyday, I just want to run off and go meet him somewhere and tell him I miss him and still have feelings for him. I feel like deep down he felt the connection there still too. What do I do?! I love my husband, I can not fault him at all-will there always be something there with the ex? I’m craving the excitement I felt with my ex, I feel like now he is the one I’m supposed to be with, the one that got away- I feel like the more I try not to think about him, the more I do…