CariadCymru

I have had a few colposcopy procedures in the past 18 months due to abnormal cells and HPV

it is uncomfortable but no worse than a smear test, they will insert the speculum and put a vinegar solution on to the cervix and observe the cells and usually take a biopsy which is virtually painless

Trust me the thought of it is so much worse than the actual procedure, it’s over in a few minutes 

I think it’s absolutely fine to date casually as long as you are both on the same page and it’s made clear from the outset that you don’t want anything serious, otherwise you could end up hurting people as they will feel as though they’ve been led on

But yeah if you’re open and honest about it there’s no harm in having a bit of fun :)

29 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

You did not come across as conceited.  Sorry if I misunderstood what you wrote. You get to choose whether you want to experience a happy, healthy relationship -but it's also true that you have to become a person who would be into that -be interested enough, excited enough without the drama and thrill of the chase of someone who is unavailable.

Yes I get what you mean, I really don’t find the thrill of the chase exciting anymore… it’s become exhausting and emotionally draining to me and not something I want 

Thanks for your advice 

19 hours ago, Batya33 said:

No. I wouldn't do that.  Do you mean the guys who are "nice" but in quotes because they're insecure/approval seeking/tend to be more like doormats? Overeager when they barely know you? That's not a good guy - but on the other hand, no don't "give the good guys a shot" -a truly good person -a person who is confident, not arrogant, who is a person of character and integrity, who has appropriate boundaries and will behave in a reliable way but not like a doormat -they are gems just as women who are like that are gems too. 

If you have the mindset of "okkkkk I'll give them a shot" -don't bother. Let the women who really truly are excited to be with such a person and appreciate them without needing drama and unavailability -let those guys be with those ladies.  When you become the right person to deserve this good guy -a person who would find that kind of person interesting, potentially exciting -then you won't just be giving him a shot.  Do you want a man to be like "okkkk she's not really my typical type but.... okkkk I'll give it a shot."  

You'll come to a place, hopefully, where you don't have to convince yourself to be with a good guy. When the unavailable men are not exciting.  No not all of them are commitmentphobes. Many just won't be that into you and you'll go for the challenge of trying to convince the person otherwise.  A good guy deserves to be with a person who wouldn't find a guy who doesn't want to be with her/is not available so exciting.

I think you’ve read too much into the phrase “give them a shot” here

I meant in the past I’ve never even let myself explore a relationship with a good guy (confident, reliable etc as you describe) I have come to the realisation that my past dating choices are not what I want for my future, and I would class myself as a “good” woman so why shouldn’t I bother? 
I’ve never experienced a happy, healthy relationship which is what I want and I don’t want to repeat the cycle anymore 

Apologies if I’ve come across as conceited, that wasn’t my intention nor is it in my nature 
 

Thanks again everyone for more really helpful and sage advice, I was reluctant to post on something like this but really glad I did 

Yes I think I’m in the danger zone of turning myself into a red flag detective haha so I will try my best to not to do that and to listen more and pay attention to what they are actually saying 

I am also 100% more open to giving the good guys a shot, I think I’ve realised this with recent guy (Mr 3 dates) as this has happened to me now so many times (not just the examples I’ve posted here) and I’ve ignored the signs and ignored my gut

I have a very good gut instinct so I think I need to go with that more and not get swept up in the excitement/mystery that these commitment phobes are offering 

Yes thank you everyone for the advice I really appreciate it ! 
I’m going to start taking notice of red flags sooner as I can spot them from a mile away now and give a chance to those who actually show interest and want to go on dates 
Im going to make a conscious effort to read the signs early on as I don’t want to keep ending up in this position, its getting very lonely 

15 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

What happened with your long term relationship? What was the breakup about? You seem to have it together and are doing something right because you're getting dates. 

Make sure that the friends with marriage/kids thing is not pressuring you along with the age.

Relax and keep dating until you find someone you want to be exclusive with. The issue is you're speeding up when you should slow down and focus on choosing rather than being chosen.

What do you mean by "commit" Talking engagement/marriage? Living together? Dating only one another?

So with my ex boyfriend he was very verbally aggressive towards me, would call me names, belittle me, cause arguments over every tiny thing and I was so emotionally drained I ended things after 2 and a half years 

I agree I need to slow things down and not feel pressured by my age (although ultimately I do)

and by commit I just want someone who treats me like I’m a priority I’m so fed up of feeling like I’m just an option 

9 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

You find attentive men, soft, weak, no challenge, boring. It's really hard to get out of that mindset...it's what attracts you. 

This definitely resonates with me, I can get dates and male attention (without sounding big headed) but when it comes easily I find it off putting yet if it’s a guy that is throwing up red flags every five minutes then I seem to fall head over heels! I just don’t know how to get out of the cycle I don’t want to be alone forever 

So I’m 29F and have been single for a year and a half now, I was dating a guy a few months after my last relationship ended and we were seeing each other for 10 months but he didn’t want to commit to a relationship so eventually I walked away even though I loved him

I started dating again in January 2022 and met a great guy on Hinge, we had similar interests, good banter and went on 3 dates where the conversation flowed and at the end of each date we kissed, fast forward a few weeks and he tells me he’s not ready for a relationship, he thought he was but he isn’t and doesn’t want to lead me on etc etc 

I just feel numb to it now as I feel it’s a recurring cycle, is it a vibe I’m giving off or am I subconsciously unavailable in some way? I’m starting to question if something is wrong with me! I really genuinely want to meet someone as I’ve bought a house and would love someone to spend my time with and go on adventures with but it just seems to pass me by, all my friends are getting married and having babies and I just feel like the black sheep 😞 

would appreciate insight from other who have perhaps been in a similar situation? Thank you