kingba1904

This is fair. You're right. Up until this moment I was completely fine rarely crossed my mind until a few days ago when I had that dream. So its why im in a weird space right now but this and words from others have given me the assurances to move on from it. As of now, everything is going well with me and the current im sure ill overcome it. Thanks a lot.

How would you say I'm playing games?

So, I [27M] started dating a girl [24F] I met this girl, we clicked straight away everything was going so so well. At this point two months in I realized that I wanted to be in my first relationship with her. However after those two months (lets say August time) she told me that she was having family issues on her side and it meant she could not put the energy into building a relationship between us. It hurt but I had to respect it. During that time we would have small conversations catching up with each other to make sure that we are both okay but she wouldn't give into giving us both a try. One day we then had a phone call and she basically said that I should go and pursue a relationship elsewhere because she couldn't give me any guarantees. Again, I had to respect it. So I decided to put myself out there and met someone who I was FWB with but both mutually agreed we was not in it for a relationship. This was in October. During this time me and the girl [24F] started speaking on the phone more and more and she asked me if I had been on dates with anyone else I said yes at the time. She said it made her a little bit angry inside but at this point I think she was warming more towards coming back and giving it a go, which was the case around December. We had a phone conversation into the night and she asked me a question "Was I sexually active with anyone during the time we weren't together". At this point I said, I can lie about this and take it with me to the grave or be honest and transparent (like all relationships should be) and she reacted completely opposite, she was taken aback from it. She said that she needed a few days to think about this as she couldn't see me the same way. At this point my hands are shaking, my mind mentally is all over the place. I remember the morning after she put up a post in her language translated to "Good Morning to everyone apart from some" which made me feel it was directed towards me. I was so heartbroken by all this but at the same time she called me as well to check on me and my anxiety which gave me hope. But then a few days later she called me to say that she's not going to pursue our relationship any further. Worst news I could have hoped for. During the call we are going back and forth but what stood out to me was the fact I was made to feel belittled and a *** human being. She told me never to contact her again. She is quite a cut-throat person who doesn't hold back with their words so I knew she meant every word. I was so hurt inside but angry too because of how she spoke to me. I understand how she feels but I just hate the way she spoke to me and my mind was in a gutter these past few days waiting for her answer only to be talked to like that. My reactionary response was to go back on dating app a day after this happened but then happened to get a message from her with a screenshot of my profile and she commented saying I am full of *** and that "How do I know you doing other things until I was available for you". I simply said "We can agree to disagree but we will go nowhere. It hurts me you made your decision final and very apparent which I will respect and learning how to accept it. Wish you all the best" with a few more personal stuff to it. I believe she deleted my number and never heard from her again. It has been around 7 months since this incident. I am currently seeing someone now and its going good. Its been approx. 3 months. But recently I had a dream about her [24F] reaching out to me after someone I knew in real life passed away. Since then its been playing on my mind. Then a few days after that I was on Instagram and on my suggested accounts she popped up (She created a new account). I don't know if this is a sign but right now my head is in a very weird space. I feel like I want to reach out to her, not necessarily with an aim, but more so to get this 'hate' off my chest. I would want at least one final conversation to really talk about why this happened. I'm not the type of guy to end on bad notes with people and this was the worst I've had with anyone. What's worse is that because I am seeing someone this is a distraction that I want to settle on my mind once and for all because I don't want it to get in the way of both of us. What should I do?

I wouldn’t say she left me hanging twice. This was because of legitimate family issues which even me I was like you know what I get it even though it hurt me so much. Her pain comes from her not knowing from the get go and me kinda saying that I’m waiting for you etc so I get her understanding but at the same time I didn’t want to hide this from her

Me and this girl were dating and things were going extremely well. I knew I wanted to be with her, she was that sensational to me. Then afterwards she told me that she couldn’t prioritise dating because of family issues. It was heartbreaking and she’s quite forward with her words. We found ways to message and check up on each other here and there but bottom line was she would say we can’t do this. Due to past experiences (I’ve never had a girlfriend before in the past by the way) I told myself I need to accept the situation and move on so I decided to put myself back on the market. I saw someone else and we ended up sleeping together but it didn’t go far after that. I was still into the girl and couldn’t stop thinking about her so I decided this isn’t for me. We spoke again some time later two months later but it was the same thing again I thought that something could happen but again she ghosted me. I decided again let me put myself in the market but after one date again couldn’t do it. Now for the past month me and the girl would be talking more and talking about marrying each other and stuff and I would feel so good and we recently spent valentines together. But we was speaking one night and she asked me did I sleep sexually with someone else and I told her yes I did when we was not speaking. I explained to her what I was going through and she was not happy. I’ve never felt so heartbroken. My anxiety kicked in after such a long time of containing it well. For days I have not gone gym, not spoken to any of my friends, not even left the house and I’ve resorted to smoking weed. She is going through things herself and she’s with her family in another country to attend to family issues so I don’t want to be a burden on her. After our conversation she has called me to check up on how we are doing whilst she was away which has helped but I’m still scared. She said when she gets back to the UK she will call me to have a talk. One time i told her on the phone I was working on her birthday present and she said “we need to have the talk first” and this is making me even more anxious. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to say and I’m living each day feeling completely empty without her. I thought me telling the truth is part of relationships and not hiding anything but this feeling she could break up is affecting me really bad. I never post but I feel I need to reach out somewhere because this is really effecting me mentally. Any advice for this?