StayAtHomeWife2015

I was wondering does any ladies here have stroke that run in their maternal side of the family? If you don't mind can you share your story, has you yourself ever had one? Sorry English is my third language, I hope I don't articulate wrongly. Stroke took both my maternal grandma and my mother life. My mom died of a sudden stroke, the massive bleeding in her brain cause her to stop breathing, she died on the ambulance on the way to the hospital. Warning TMI below so please exit if TMI is not something you like. --------------------------------- Last year, I fall very sick. I didn't die, but it resulted in an area of my brain tissue died (the white stuff in your brain), due to the lack of blood and oxygen to that area. Doctors said brain tissue once it gone permanently, it unable to regenerate after the damage. My husband took care of me the whole 3 weeks I was very sick (the bedridden me). You name it all, feces, urine, all bodily fluids, my husband he wipe and clean up my poop from liquid diarrhea to solid, my urine, my vomit from porridge to bile all came back up. Trust me, adults feces are nothing like babies, it worst. And the whole 3 weeks through my illness was he by my bedside day and night, spoon feed me, wipe and clean my feces and urine, clean my body, he did it all. I appreciate him alot, without him I don't know what to do. I did recovered, but afterwards my hair massively fall out. And the area of my brain tissue that died resulted me in have flare up episodes of headache, when it flare up you just have to let it run it course. Half a year later (after my recovery), one day I was sitting on the sofa with my husband he watch News, suddenly my headache flare up, this time the degree was alot worst, I grabbed my head and I said to my husband, my head hurts. And next thing I know was the whole left side of my body including my head drop/fall to the left side. ...................... Next thing I know when I regain conscious, was I was in my husband arms. He hugged me in his arms and my head was lean his chest, he was crying alot, and he said: I'm really afraid. (I guess afraid of me die). He said I loss consciousness about 5 minutes or so, and the ambulance it on the way. The ambulance took me to the hospital, I didn't die like my mom. My stroke was milder, but it was right near the area of the brain tissue that dead due to lack of oxygen and blood flow, so perhaps there a connection. The doctors warned me to be prepare for a big stroke Due to stroke run heredity on my maternal side of the family, plus an area of my brain tissue that already died, so it put me in higher risk of stroke. Tbh, I'm prepare. Death is something that we all have to face one day. If we don't go by stroke, we go by other ways. It just there times when I woke up found my husband sobbing/crying. Heck, there was times even during foreplay, yep, foreplay, while he on top of me sucking on my mouth while he cried, and he look deep into my eyes and he said: I'm really afraid. Throughout our marriage, he always said he wants us to live till we 80s, but then he said: only IF that means living is with me. I guess basically, he always has my demise on his mind. We together 11 years, married 7 years, and we haven't parted a day in the whole 11 years. We not young at all, but we not super old neither. I'm 37, and my husband he 36. For a 'man' age 36 is definately not old. Sorry for the vent. I guess all I can do is concentrate on love my husband more and live a happy life with him, whatever will comes will come If this hits close to home, or if you have family members that experience the similar, can you share you story with me? And thank you for your input/advice.

Thank you sis @Seraphim Your seem very wise, and experience (since you married so long), your husband is one lucky man to have you! as his wife/life partner. Thank you for your advice. Sometimes I look in the mirror and it further confirm to me that I'm just an average looking girl, my husband is way out of my league as in look wise. As for self-image confident, it doesn't help much especially when you have a husband that just so fit and good looking (but then it not his fault that he handsome). We not young, but he still does corny things (and he does it throughout our marriage). Examples like: - Me, I told him I want to talk. Him, this is what he always does: If we in the kitchen, he would sit me down on the kitchen chair, and he kneel down on the kitchen floor (kneel on both knees) while look at me with those loving eyes and said he listening. Seeing him like this, I don't even know what to do or say, lol. Yeah, basically he would sitting me down and kneeling on both knees in front of me to listen to me talk (if I say I want to talk). Or I could be sitting on the bed and if he saw my facial expression like something bothering me, same thing, he came over and kneel and look at me with those eyes again and want me to talk to him. - Or something little as if he touches my hands and feel it cold. He immediately open his mouth breathed into my hands, he keeps breathe into my hands and rubs it till it gets warm. My feet, he could rubs my feet for half an hour if that what was needed to get my feet warm. - He still carried me on his back all these years together. Like if we went somewhere and the parking lot was far, he carried me on his back across the parking lot to whatever the place. He said if I let him, he wants to carry me on his back like this till be become an old man, till he on his deathbed that he no longer can carry me anymore. - His eyes, they intense. The way he looks at me it just intense. He still stare and look at me with those exact same eyes that he did back then 11 years ago when he court me. - I could just be talking, and he just stare and stare at me, and look at me with those loving eyes, and he gently touch my cheek/face. And he does it randomly throughout our marriage. Or randomly, he just stare and stare at me, then he hugged and hugged me really tight, and he say he loves me very much. Or he said corny things like he said he still thinking about me constantly. He 36, I'm 37 to be exact, we not young. I'm sef-concious that we older now. But he doesn't see anything wrong with all the (corny) stuff he does for me, he said if I let him, he wants to do it till he 80. He actually a very mature, serious and stoic guy. He doesn't even bother smile at you if he doesn't know you, he not friendly to strangers, he stoic. But then when it comes to me he sappy like that. But he see nothing wrong with be sappy with me as he said I'm his "wife". So I'm guessing what he did in my OP and in this replied of mine it all normal? I should just try to enjoy it and not conscious about our age or my body image so much?

Forgive my English is my third language. If the ladies here can help give some input/advice on this. My question is can you be self-acceptance of your body, but then be self-conscious at the same time? How to loosen up the self conscious part? Throughout the 7 years of our marriage, my husband always initiate the two of us shower together, as much as we can whenever we can (for the emotional connection). We both are not fans of shower sex as we don’t like the water pouring down on us. So it has nothing related to sex. My husband said he "deeply emotionally attached" to me, he said he wants to feel close to me emotionally. And I’m trying to give him that connection he wants. There nothing pretty about my body naked, sagging boobs, stretch marks all over my belly, nothing pretty about how my vagina labia look neither. There times where many months when my legs, feet and calves were HUGELY swollen. My husband kneel down and gently rubs my swollen feet and swollen calves in the shower. He helps cleans me, he kissed my belly where it full of stretch marks and somewhat loose wrinkle skin. (and I’m self conscious). He wants me to talk to him in the shower, open up to him, tell him what bothering me. There times when we talked, and we both teared up and cried. My hair have thin so so much, it started massively falling out shortly after I recovered from being very sick back in August. He washed my hair so he knows how much hair shed/falling out all over his hands. But he still kissed my forehead and the top of my head. (and I’m very conscious about my hair). I always dress low maintenance, I never wear make up. I’m comfortable that way. And I don’t hide my thinning hair neither. And I do remind myself that if my husband don’t mind about how my body looks, why do I have to mind? But my brain is self conscious. It keeps tell me, my husband he 186cm tall and slim, lean muscles, zero fat on his body, just very fit. Dark, handsome, clean shaved. He does runs long distance, he can run for hours and hours without tired, and swim long distance, so he very fit. He still look exactly fit like when I met him 11 years ago. But then look at me? I’m NOTHING like him! I really have accepted my body as it is, it just my brain is self-conscious about it. Any ladies here experience similar? And another hung up I have is that I’m older now. 11 years together (7 years married) and after all those years, he still literally kisses my butt cheek. And it has nothing to do with sex at all, it something he does randomly throughout our marriage. Whenever he see me lay on my stomach play on my tablet/phone, or I could be wearing long pants or even if I have a blanket over my butt, he would gently slide down the blanket and pants and kissed my butt cheek, and gently slide it back on for me. It like he went out of his ways, lol. He never was the type that like those slap, gropes, spank stuff or like anything kinky (he vanilla, so am I), he said he prefers use his lips and mouth. So he just simply put his lips on my butt cheek and gently kiss it, the gentle slow kiss type. I told him we older now (mid-thirties), and we haven't parted a day since we been together (11 years), so it not like we newlyweds. But he said it doesn’t have to stop, and if I allow him (to continue kiss my butt cheek) he wants to do it till he 80. I guess I’m just too self-conscious and too critical of myself? I wish I can loosen up, but it easy say than done.