Leon

I'm going with some friends to some kind of anime convention. Eh, I'm not too big on the cartoons and stuff, I mean I'll catch an episode or two if time allows but... I thought it be fun since I've never been... It's not like I'll dress up or anything. I mean I'll admit I'm a dork, but you gotta draw the line at some point...

Anyway the girls that like this kind of stuff tend to like my quirky personality more and I mean like I mean LOVE. But eh, I'm kind of not sure how I can flirt or start convos with some of these women, considering I don't know them. I'm not shy, but I'd just like some ideas ya know? Just need as much ammo as I can, even though I already have a MAJOR advantage. My goal is to at least get some numbers, emails or ims out of this.

This is so true ! Remember guys who are just after a bit of fun, display a lot of confidence when talking to a girl they are not really into. This is becase he has little emotional interest in the connection and thereforeeee little to lose by the rejection. This comes accross as confidence.

 

The nice guy who may really like you, has a lot of emotions connected with being with you and thereforeeee has a lot more to lose if rejected. So they will come accross as not confident. Result : a turnoff.

 

Solution: Women give them a chance ! Get to know them, dont just go for the confident guy who appears to be nice, he is fooling no one but you and by the time you realise what type of man he is, your on heartbreak road, looking for that hotel we all know....

Yes, this is true! I swear it! My friend is VERY confident because he DOES NOT look for serious relationships. He views them all on equal levels. He moves on becaus she views no one special. Why do girls make assumptions like that? Right down to messing up the meaning of "nice guy". They make it hard on themselves and us and they blame us for it! Anyone should be able to give someone one indiiferent a chance. I have and have turned out to like them, but it was too late. And I know it was my own fault.

Wow... this is the first time I've met a girl with this problem..welll...yeah... That's about all I can say I geuss... It sucks doesn't it?

Yeah, that's pretty true. It's not that it's hard to meet a nice guy, it's that most "nice guys" suck.

Or I could say that most womens' standards suck, but I shouldn't... Oh wait, too late...

I think girls totally look at this in the wrong way. For some reason, two meanings have gotten wrapped up in the phrase "nice guy" - 1) to be loving and intimate and 2) to have a certain attitude, way of being, hobbies etc.

 

The two are capable of being entirely distinct, and as far as 1) goes, I don't you'll find anyone capable of more passion than people in that catagoery - men or women.

Which is what screws over people like me, which is what has coated my heart with a hatred and rage I have never experienced before... I know it's wrong, but there is nothing that can be done...

Wow! So you give up? Imagine if someone you cared for of the oposite sex said this state?!?!? Unattractive, isn't it? Don't give up just adjust your strategy. Remember what's the definition of insanity: TO do the same thing over and over again and expecting defferent results. You attract what you put out. Become a whole person and you'll get a whole mate. Life is so much enjoyable when you have positive control of your environment. Attitude is the secret, so, just go for it and do it.

 

 

 

 

I agree 100%. This is what maturity is all about.

I refuse to change who I am, I refuse to. It's not right, it's cheating myself. If I have people who like me for who I am, if I can make friends and make a difference in people's lives why do I need to change for people who don't know how to appreciate people and what they do in general? (I even fully appreciate it when a complete stranger smiles at me while I'm working. It's just the type of person I am.) If I have to do that it's not worth it IMO. How can you say having certain standards that can potentially unreasonable, maturity. How can people define higher education? What is higher edication? There is no one way to obtain it, there is no one way to define it. It's people who value shallow qualities like this that erk me. I have changed people by he way I view the world and people in it and I have even changed people's way of obtaining eduation.

I don't have time explain everything, but I geuss I was right. Most people are the same, and it's kind of sad for people like me, who don't want to be stereotyped, who don't want to fall into a category. Maybe that's why I'm having trouble... I don't fit in. People are uncomfortable with what they can't categorize, they hate and fear what is different... Heh...people...why do I even care so much in the first place...?

What I'm getting by reading this, people are still using the same cliche' words of advice. It's easy to give advice, but it's not easy to use or become effective. I did not find the regection of those "nice guys" funny at all. They did their part, and I personally would be curious if someone asked me to do something with them? Wny not? I don't know them, they could be fun. I give them that chance, because I would want the same from them. I think the girls didn't think about that. Not that I'm surprised, as I said before, I am commonly seeing a lack of respect in females. They want to be given respect but they have trouble efficently returning it... That is why I'm done... I'm tired of dealing with it, and I'm tired of hearing the excuses.

The bottom line is that nice and gentle just doesn't cut as far as relationships are concerned. Women willl generally lose respect for you if you get the overwhelming desire to routinely pour out your feelings and aspirations and get all mushy. They take it as a sign that the guy is progressing too fast and is already in 'relationship mode' before the two have had a chance to get to know each other.

 

To the guys, let her girlfriends do the spilling of guts and all the other mushy stuff - she'll sympathise with that. If it's coming from you she won't. Its best to bottle up those feelings and provoke the outcry "My bf is so insensitive..." At least she won't leave you for that.

This is flawed, people who do this usually wind up friend zoned. Like I said, nice guys who are easily neglected are pretty much screwed from the start. They have qualities that are usually not popularly/strongly admired or appreciated.

No, I mean honest as in telling the truth, not so much as being open. So there will be no excuses for jusifying lame reasons this time.

Same here guys...Same here...

Yeah I understand how you feel, I had some problems too, so I understand. Seeing a friend get rejected because their "too honest" doesn't help either... I seriously wanted to just knock the girl over the head with a bat when my friend told me that... What is wrong with people today? I kinda took a break from looking for a girl cause I got tired of the games and excuses and I got to the point that I was gonna have to start hurting some people's feelings. And I didn't wanna have to resort to that, I really didn't... So I took a break, for their sake, aswell as mine (but mostly theirs ). At least until some get their act together...

Having a successful relationship has little to do with a "just" or "unjust" world. Each person has an approximately equal chance at having a good relationship. I use the word "approximately" because your childhood greatly affects the types of relationships you will have as an adult. For example, a child who has been in foster care who goes from home to home is not as likely to have a good relationship compared to a child who was raised in a stable family with two parents. However, each person is ultimately accountable for his own personal success - whether it be in relationships or not. Justifying the lack of or bad relationships by saying "it's an unjust world" is nothing more than a poor excuse.

Lol... I'm sorry... but some of the things you said detroys the conclusion you made. NOTHING in this life in garunteed. Every opportunity in life is fragile; one wrong move and your plans could be ruined, by ANYONE, including yourself. Whether it be on purpose or accident.

I guess I have all of the qualities of the "nice guy" I tell girls how crappy girls treat me, how it's their loss if they pass me up for the jerk and when I get hurt by them I get mad at them and try to hurt them as much as they hurt me.

 

I'm not just a nice guy to get sex. Sex isn't all a relationship is about anyway, I'm nice because I'm myself and I'm not going to change who I am because some girl is not used to a nice guy, that's their own problem

Sorry for double post but I just gotta say I agree with your way of dealing with the girls that hurt you, by trying to hurt them back. I'm sorry... but sometimes pain is the only way for people to learn.

The nice guys exist, but a lot of them are their own downfall. I know plentely of the nice guys, but they have the complex that women don't like them because they're nice. A lot of my guy friends had to watch me date jerks, losers, etc. By constantly complaining and being negative, it is just a huge turn off. I recently lucked out with finding a nice guy who *doesn't* complain about how "nice guys finish last" and all that jazz. They're hard to find, but they exist.

Umm, it's things like this that do that to "nice guys" they are negative because of people who critisize them and make them feel like dirt. They get neglected, their greatest qualities are ignored. They ask for help (looking for that small amount of hope) and get the same cliche' lines. They feel like there is something wrong with them but can't figure out what it is or how to solve it. And it goes on...every single day... How would you feel? I know I wouldn't be bouncin' around if I went through it.

Heh... I remember when in highschool in class I overheard, these girls complaining about all the good men being taken while they had the left-overs. I laughed. It's kind of sad, if they only they used the time they were complaining to go LOOK. Stop expecting them to fall infront of you. That's not how life works at all...

Kinda funny thing... I met up with an old buddy and he told me that his GF was looking for someone to hook up with her friend and that I was desperately in need of this opportunity. Well we meet his GF and she actually chose my friend who shows no interest in relationships and being tied down and is extremely picky. Our taste are very different I met more requirments than him. Both my friends asked her why did she not choose me... She had no reason she had no answer... It's like there is something horribly wrong with me... I'm starting think I'm not the problem after all...

I 100% agree with you topic creator, a lot women today pull stuff like this. And then come up with some lame reasoning to justify it. I'm tired of it, STOP the excuses, and show some respect, that's all decent, honest, troubled males ask for. I tried to arrange something last fall with a girl (who is single AND asked ME to do something with her). I took most of the responsibility to arrange the who, what, and when. Geuss what? After an afternoon of the girl flaking out on me left and right... I called it quits. Ugh... I'm tired of this... I'm not babying people, I'm tired of doing the most work... But yeah, just make yourself busy and excel at your gifts, it'll make you busy AND feel good about yourself with no need for companionship.

So I'm assuming there is no way to make this search easier on me?

Oh yeah! I forgot about church... Yeah... That's not going to work... Tried to look around at mine already. The girls their can't keep their hormones in check... They can't be trusted either, their not mature at all... The best one was already taken. Not that I have anything against the guy, but yeah...he seems a little stereotypical...(for a guy) not interesting that much, and seems to lack wit. It kind of ticks me off that the girls their fought over him to the point of disrupting the peace and unity... He's not worth that IMHO. Yeah I doubt any of the girls there would go for me. Most of the young people there are VERY hypocritical, you'd be ashamed at what they do.

Eh... I'm not really keen on taking classes just for meeting girls... I geuss an art class would work though. I'll see what I can do during the weekends...

You could ask for their msm or something, I just say that my msm list is looking pretty sad right now and would like to add them. Maybe I could tell them about something funny if I ever catch them on.

Okay, after getting out of high school I had one last chance to start something with someone I liked. It failed horribly (the 'date' failed due to her making it). That's all behind me though (I'm very carefree). And now, there is no place I can find any female friends at all. I honestly need help, I'm not using college to find any cause I need no distractions there and work is a bad place (so bad I will be finding a new job). So I need to know, where I can find girls (around my age), who are intelligent (no not a genius), and could potentially be intimate/supportive types. Places where they'd most likely be single I guess. I have no idea where to look, I'm going nuts and would appreciate as much help as I can get. Hmm... I'm kind of shy but I'm kind of growing out of that phase. I say kind of because I'm still soft-spoken. So please can people give me a hand even some tiny ideas would help me get started... Thanks in advance guys (and girls maybe?)!

Yeah, the topic title pretty much sums it up... I geuss all the ones near me are broken are something... That's the only explanation of how inconsiderate they treat me...

Maybe communication is too much of a catch all. More detail required for that category?

 

Isn't it also possible to have excellent communication and one or both decide things aren't working?

 

I'd also like to add to the list that it could have nothing to do with any of those items listed - one person is just not ready to settle down - they want to explore!

See, it's people with that attitude that don't need to be dating. They treat relationships as experiments from the beggening. That's not the point ideally. In an intimate relationship you have another person's feelings in your hands. It's not a position to be playing games like this... Yet people carelessly do it anyway...

Ugh I kind of agree with you, I'm having the feeling that some people just don't work in relationships... I'm one of them.

Huh... I think my curiosity got the best of me... In fact, I'd say it owned me. I decided to look into the sites posted, just for the heck of it and actually found a profile of a girl I tried to get to know better, who I made sacrifices for, who ultimately disregarded my actions towards her. I took her somewhere and she just ugh... didn't even listen and... UGH... I'm getting mad. I thought she wasn't looking for anything, so I just shook it off, but now I find THIS!? What is with women these days? I even stayed up til 4am one night writing this girl a letter because I wanted to make sure I finished. All that energy wasted! And now after serveral months of carefreeness I'm back to feeling like a sack of crap.

Man, I should have known better, I saw a profile of her friend and just kept on scrolling down the list. Funny, as far as I know, she didn't seem like the type to go through this means to find someone. It insults me, but also for some reason I find it satisfying for what she did to me.

This is kind of weird so, try and follow me on this one. I used to go to a different church like last year, and I moved to this new one, that my friend attends, because he said that a lot of kids near our age go there. The one I went to lacked people from 16 to 20s that I could talk to so I decided to move to his.

He also warned me that even thought there were kids, they were a bit clichey, I did not pay much heed to the warning.

When I got there (with my little sister, we are the only ones in our family who go) the first day. Things seemed okay. When we left I noticed that some girl was looking at me as I left, payed no heed. As time past my sister had seen her act strangely nearby me. I could see obviously she liked me, but I was NOT interested in picking up dates. I did want to be her friend so I tried all sorts of things to befirend her, and it turned out that she was kind of not really interesting to talk to. Only talking about superficial things and not really into my kind of humor. I decided to drop it.

My friend told me that she use to be a fun girl to talk to, but all of a sudden she changed and started being like arrogant and what not. I asked him what the problem was from. He did not really know. He said she use to be made fun of and she cried and was quiet liked video games and stuff. From what I saw, I thought my firend was lying, or she must have went through a HUGE 180 change.

I spent months trying to figure out what in the world made the change. I noticed she hung out with this (not much older) ealry-mid 20s couple. The wife was nice, (not horribly arrogant), but the guy, ugh... As rude as you can get from a guy who is suppose to be Christian. One day I wet to a party wearing a Mega Man shirt and he mocked me. The girl in question hung out with him more than his wife. SO I suspected it was him. Any way, I just let her act a fool as I just worried about myself for about a year until...

Just this week, me and my friend witnessed something never seen before. After a weekly Bible study, she started talking to us. She has before, but you could tell she was being fake... This time was different... She was EAGER to talk to us. I was like Huh? I told her some stories and made comments that made her laugh till her face turned red... She seemed to like my comments so much she repeated them. She use to never even pay attention much when I tried speaking with her. She even liked and added on to these pranks I told her about that I had thought of in like 8th grade (I'm in college now). I was almost certain she would label it immature... She seemed like she was an old friend I never knew, and the old firend my firend once knew.

The next day my friend said that not even the guy she hung out with (the immature 20 year oldish guy), made her laugh like this. Which is who she usually hangs out with. But he and his wife had been missing from the study for over 2-3 weeks, and the girl usually just went somewhere by herself (refusing to speak to us). My friend knows my kind of funny/crazy side and he says that it's the key to bringing her back to her old/true? self, but I'm not too sure, why did she want to really talk to us now? Why not like a year ago? I have no idea what I should do... What is her deal? Should I really talk to her more and help my friend get his old friend back?