Fluffymomo

Agree

In all fairness I felt like he stopped advocating for my growth when I started to keep a distance from him. When I first came back, he came to my desk all the time and tried to initiate non work related conversation..sometimes even a bit flirty No I took full responsibility for my actions.. As I said before, looking back I was STUPID, but I still can’t help to feel hurt and bitterness because I am a human..

Well at first he would still come over and try to strike conversation and i gave him the poker face short replies., Then he stopped coming over frequently and all in a sudden I have been removed from projects and they started actively looking for my replacement

Well I guess that’s better

Thank you! I think this is a fair assessment and I will definitely remember this lesson going forward

I already felt sidelined before resigning for the 1st time but I thought I would give it another try, thinking him would be my advocate.. Why so many bullies at work.. because it was a toxic environment. The team originally recruited me left and I was given to a racist mean girl squad. I am Asian and at work they constantly made inappropriate comments related to Covid. One time I coughed during my one on one meeting with my manager, she asked me if I have covid lol On a side note, I also made a post on Reddit and happened to ran into someone who’s local and in my field. He quickly figured out what my company is just from the description of the culture lol and he told me that place has a reputation for toxic culture

It’s a reminder of how stupid I was

He sent it to my personal address.. I don’t feel like to add more to the office gossip

I returned because I was moved by his gesture but at that time I didn’t have any feelings for him until I came back and our interactions have changed to a different level when I came back. I opened up to him and he has shared some very personal stuff with me, made me felt like I could trust him and yes at one point I wanted for something more and certainly seeing things going to a bad direction.. which is why I came to this forum for help in the first place. I guess I expected him to still advocate for my growth at work even though later I avoided to have interactions unless it’s work related. I didn’t expect him would just stop giving projects to me and actively participate in the recruitment of my “replacement “ vs when I first came back, he always tried to pull me into important projects and sometimes even go around my managers for me to have a chance to shine in front of the higher ups. I am not feeling victimized.. I just felt really hurt..

Well he didn’t act frosty.. He just acted like he wasn’t aware/ doesn’t care.. which for me obviously still hurts a bit.. I thought at least he would be like good luck with the next job.. I thought about still writing him a thank you letter for all the nice things he did for me.. but what’s the point.. btw, I am throwing away the plant he bought me when I go home today..

A few months ago I created a post of how to get over crushes at Work. Long story short I was in a vulnerable and dark place after a parent passed away. I was in a toxic work environment and this pulled the last straw for me to resign. A senior executive in the company convinced me to stay, offered a month PTO and did some other nice gestures for me. I was shocked given I was only couple months in the role. I came back. He was very attentive. He lingered around my desk a lot, asking a lot personal questions and complementing my hair etc. He’s in the C-suite, I was flattered that he notices me and took time to get to know me even though he’s super busy every day. Maybe because of grief and because I was looking at everything through a emotionally charged lenses , I started to develop feelings for him and and felt some kind of weird vibes between us. I listened to the advices from this forum. I kept a distance from him and stopped our daily interactions unless is business related. He quickly backed off and also there goes all the “ nice gestures” and “ special projects” I kept my mouth shut and did my work. I hated my current work and honestly if isn’t for him, I wouldn’t come back to this hell-hole in the first place. And as soon as he stopped lingering around my desk, the bullies at work started gang up on me. My past few months at work was almost a reminder of the bs dramas in HS. Then I find out he is involved in the process to hire an additional “ person” to take away half of my responsibilities.. I was pretty upset by this. He convinced me to stay. He said he sees great potential for me in this company and personally he wants to see me to continue to grow.. I started looking for a new job . And I was lucky to quickly find a place with much better pay and in the industry I like. However, I struggled and struggled giving my notice. I still feel some sort of guilt as if I owed him but deep inside I know that I don’t owe my job anything. I gave my notice and my managers were pretty upset by it and pretty much stopped talking to me right away. I wasn’t shocked of their behavior but I was shocked by his. As the department head, I am sure he’s aware of my 2nd time resignation by now. While he begged me to stay the first time, the 2nd time he just pretend as if he’s not aware of the situation. He walked by my desk yesterday and had a normal conversation and didn’t even mention anything of me resigning.. It’s strange but I am feeling some kind of bitterness through all this. I felt like I opened my heart and put myself through a ***ty situation because I thought he genuinely saw some potential in me and wanted me to come back. But in the end all the nice gestures were just part of the acts?

Thank you. I only saw this today but appreciate all your advices

Hi All, I can’t believe it’s been a month since my last post and I just want to give an update of my situation and the aftermath.. Well, I am resigning from this job next week. I have received 2 offers this month with 30% & 35% pay raise to current role. To be honest, I am still scarred from this job.. I have never felt so alone and insecure at any of the jobs that I had before. So I am very happy to walk away from this mess. I am not sure what their reactions would be like? But I am okay with starting fresh and move on. Regarding “ the guy”, I have listened to your advice and pretty much cut off any interactions besides business related needs. He quickly cool down. No more small talks and also no more special projects. He then decided to hire another person in the department to further take away my responsibilities.. That was the last straw for me.. I no longer feel I am obligated to stay because of his “ kindness”

Yeah he gave me a month off with full pay…

What point did I miss?

Obviously that happened later.. which I reacted by distance myself away from him.. I was saying that I still think his motive was out of kindness when he gave me the time off when I tried to resign… I wouldn’t describe him as kind of all he does was just eyeing my boobs from the start

So I guess the lesson learned is man can’t be kind for no reason lol? idk for a while he seem like such a good family man even bring up his wife in our conversations a lot… I

Yeah now that i can see it more clearly, I really felt like maybe he was doing it out of kindness at the beginning, definitely some kind of manipulation towards the end. Also I heard some of the gossips about him from my colleagues today.. Felt like he’s still a frat boy at heart although he’s a grown married man..

I am leaving the company because it’s a toxic environment and I don’t see myself continue to grow and plus my crush on him obviously didn’t help.. But I am not leaving the company just because my feelings for him. I have been trying to dodge him as best as I can and I don’t agree with some of the responses above saying that my colleagues were frosty to me because “ we were flirting and it’s obvious”.. I never flirt with the dude once…

So am I supposed to tell the c suite person to fk off when he came to me to start a conversation? I think you are making a lot of assumptions and putting all the blames on me even though you don’t even know me lol

How did I not treat myself with dignity and respect? Again, I am stating my observation of my current workplace and I have some of the most amazing female mentors in my life. Not saying all the females just want to compete for guy’s attention . I am just saying the org structures at this place and his behavior seem to stir up female compete against each others instead of helping..

I am just stating an observation that I had from this place

Want to give some updates of today. We all went to a team happy hours today. I purposely avoided him and joined in the group with my other male colleagues because females don’t like me… I noticed he was staring at me a few times and had a smile on his face when I looked at him. But he also backed off? Normally he’s a very talkative boss but for some reason he went to approach all of the other groups except the group I am with. I think he got the message and would back off moving forward . I also have an interview scheduled this Friday so fingers crossed!

I don’t think he will demand sexual favors as this would be seen as a huge scandal. We are large public traded firm, this will sure end his career.

Actually to the opposite, they were all eager to please him and try to get his attention whenever he’s around. They would even go beyond the point showing the clothes they bought, their new shoes etc