Fluffymomo

Wow resort to personal attack because you have nothing to say it back? Lol no I think you are the timid Lolita who hide behind a screen and can’t hold a normal debate.

I said “ it seems..” I didn’t say for sure 100%. By help you mean making wild accusations that strongly triggered by personal insecurity and bias? LOL

So why do you automatically assume your specific work environment applies to my situation?

Because that quote that you included in your previous comment was my response towards Batya. You seem to think it’s only me impacted by the traumatic experience but I am just pointing out who else could use some professional help. And judging by the way Batya need to have last say in every disagreement, she probably would have a hard time admitting she needed help where I don’t have this problem

This is a question respond to your previous statement. Why’s this nasty? Could you help me understand? Is it because I call you out? Lol

I am. And I don’t have problem admitting it. At the same time, I finds it’s very shady how Batya33 twisted the facts especially when she was following my previous threads/post. She turned a post soliciting advices to be all about her own insecurity in this stage of her life. What a shame.

Lol aren’t you one of the folks that told me how I overthink the executive’s intention in my post few months ago? In the end, he reached out and wanted a secret relationship… And why do you assume I am not busy outside work? This is one post I made after how many months while y’all literally spend everyday on the forum lol.

Reaching out to me at 9pm for stuff that’s borderline work related that can wait till next day? Yeah would be an issue if this was the behavior coming from a female boss

Wow I wasn’t going to reply to this thread anymore but I kept getting notifications of you comments in my inbox. Looking back at how you twisted the facts and need to have the last say in everything whether it’s with me or with others who hold a different opinion than you, you certainly don’t have the maturity level of a 55 year old. I find it’s interesting that you constantly feel the need to mention your life in a thread that has nothing to do with you. Who’s the one that really crave validation? Let me address this one more time because you have a habit of putting your words in my mouth. I never said my boss must be attracted to me because he’s in his 40s and I am in my 20s therefore much younger/ attractive. As a matter of fact, this quote come from your wild accusation. Just like your comments of what women in their 40s would do.. I mean those were your words, you feeling towards that group, NOT MINE. You projected yourself so much into his wife’s shoes and made up lies of of how I am assuming I am younger therefore more attractive. All I did was pointing out the age difference there to show he’s more experienced and protentially better at manipulation. This is very subjective view from me, but it’s how I felt with my previous experience with the last executive I dealt with. He took advantage of my parent’s passing and took advantage of me at a vulnerable moment. I remember you were one of them telling me how I “ overthink” that man’s intention in my post few months ago. Guess what, he has reached out to me after my resignation and wanted to have a secret relationship. And I am NOT completely healed from that experience. It’s something that still impact me everyday so I am more cautious in terms of relationship with male colleagues at work, especially when there’s power dynamic involved. It’s very disrespectful that you are throwing my boss’s wife into this when I didn’t mention her once in my original post nor did I compare myself with her. To me, it’s about establishing a healthy professional boundaries. It’s not a competition with my boss’s wife. The 2/14 event was concerning because he reached out to me at 9pm at night for stuff that’s borderline work related and can totally wait till the next day. Again, I didn’t say for sure it means he has a romantic interest in me, but couple with other incidents and his mismatch behavior, it’s making me feel uncomfortable. Especially we recently have the talk of promotion, I don’t want things getting into my way or others seeing this as an opportunity of exploitation. Would I have the same concern if the same behaviors come from a female boss? Absolutely. Last, I don’t know what makes you think I get would be flattered if my boss’s romantically interested in me. TBH, I will be horrified. I have worked hard everyday to achieve the goals on my plan and the last thing I would want was to have the efforts I made all went into nothing and potentially risky of my job security. Again, I was asking advice of keeping a healthy boundary with the boss. You twisted my words and turned it into something that’s completely the opposite. I think a lot of comments you made show your insecurity towards your current life status. I would sincerely suggest you to get get off the forum and get some professional help. The deepest of a woman’s insecurities often come from the men who have hurt them.

Did I violate any rules? Am I in trouble lol?

I just don’t have space for BS

Honestly don’t have time to read that. My bad . I was trying to reply to Wiseman that I think you quoted in the comments

Why are you projecting yourself so much into his wife’s position? Is that from your past experience ? Where are all the comments that “I am younger and more attractive than his wife” coming from? Is that a response from your insecurity once again?? And the comment about going to HR.. Again, you are way too dramatic lady. I am asking advice of keeping a healthy boundary not reporting him to HR..

Clearly, I was referring to someone from my previous experience. And I think you are the one who has negativity towards woman and hold a much different standard for man. And no thanks, I don’t need advice from someone who can’t even communicate with her colleague if she finds cute features in them. I think it’s time for you to do some self reflection. Why are you so insecure?

Too long.. don’t care.. whatever

Nope. Not at all. I talked about my promotion plan with him recently so I want to be careful to make sure nothing will get in my way

Do you have two accounts here? That response was not towards you..

Find it quite shady that you feel the need to tag my past post to make a point. And guess what that guy did try to connect with me after I left the company. My gut feeling was right. Sick of this double standard in our world today that women is always the party to blame no matter who’s the instigator. Hope this doesn’t happen to your sister, your daughter or any women in your family

Wow talking about double standard here.. And No his behavior actually has directly impact our work communication. We are all adults here and at the end of the day business is business. I will never avoid to someone or communicate with them because they have “ cute” feature.I think you sound really dramatic and as a matter of fact could probably use some professional help. Don’t see how I am going into a dangerous path if I am asking advice to keep a professional boundaries.

wow some of you really good at making accusations.. TBH, I don’t find him attractive at all and find this behavior kind annoying. I didn’t feel any weird vibes and was able to interact with him just like any other male colleagues at the beginning., It’s only when he start acting uncomfortable, that I started to feel uncomfortable. He can’t even look at me in the eye when having an in person conversation.. anyways, I realize this is a complete waste of time posting here..

I certainly hope it’s my overthinking but it’s just his tones and the way he spoke to me is very different when we are alone vs others around..

Yes off hours and he emailed me on valentine’s night… Just curious if the awkward and shy behavior of him when we are in person.. He wasn’t like that at the beginning and was actually very confident in front of me.. Either way I think some healthy boundaries are needed.. I will probably stop picking up his call all the time..

Hello. It’s me again. Few months ago I posted here seeking advices of how to deal with an corporate executive that I had a crush on and ended up realizing he was grooming me.. Ended up in a mess and left for a new job. In my current job, I also have a male boss and I am his only female direct report. He’s married and in his 40s, I am in my 20s. At first I didn’t feel any weird vibes from him and actually really appreciate he’s supportive but also remains to be professional. However, I noticed his behavior has been a bit strange lately. He acts uncomfortable and even a bit shy around me when we are in office. He wouldn’t talk to me unless I approach him first for work related chat. But he would email/call me constantly when I am working from home for things that’s not urgent and can totally wait to email me.. Recently he start mentioning he’s calling me from the car or he’s going to his personal appointment etc.. which is very different compare to how distance he is in the office. At first I was thinking maybe he’s shy in person but I see him interact pretty well with others and actually quite outgoing. The mismatch behavior didn’t start when I first come onboard. But at the same time I know he has done a lot nice things for me in terms of getting me the resources to do my work. He also gave a lot of compliments on the work that I turned in. He showed an interest in my personal development..He even worked on my personal development plan on a Saturday morning when he totally doesn’t have to. Check all the boxes of being a good boss. I enjoy working with him but I am also start feeling the situation has made me a little uncomfortable.. Still scarred from my previous experience. I want to have a normal working relationship with him but I now feel I can’t even have any personal talks with him without feeling awkward. Another thing I found strange was him would leave me alone pretty much for the whole day in office but as soon as I walk by his office to go to the downstairs garage, I will get a random email from him..it has happened few times I just think timing is very suspicious. I just don’t understand why he only wants to talk about work when I am at home but rarely when I am in the office? Today he called me three times today and each time for a good 40 mins.. And he’s not the micromanaging type so it’s even more bizarre How should I intereact with him moving forward. I want to be able to establish a good working relationship but I also don’t want to put myself in a position to be exploit again

Well i don’t think I was impressed by the “ C-suite” title but more for an authority figure show kindness when no one else at my work gave a ***. I was vulnerable and he took advantage of it.. This quote from the show I watched summarize the best. “He saw your unfulfilled need to confide in someone, then positioned himself as the singular person to fulfill that need,” she says. “Groomers pose as saviors. When in reality, they’re predators.”

Thank you and thank you again for your advices. This weekend I happened to come across a Hulu series “ cruel summer”. Without spoiling the plot, I had to say it paints a great example of the textbook “ Grooming”. Opening up a vulnerability to gain trust, filling a need, showering in complements, testing the boundaries etc.. I had to say I recognize a lot of the similarities in my experience. This quote from the show really struck me tonight .. “He saw your unfulfilled need to confide in someone, then positioned himself as the singular person to fulfill that need,” she says. “Groomers pose as saviors. When in reality, they’re predators.” Looking back, I do feel like he’s grooming me and making me feel like a willing participant when in reality he exploited my vulnerability at my weakest moment. When my feelings for him were pretty obvious, he frequented my desk even more often. He only backed off when I started to act very frosty towards him. And given by how suddenly he stopped all his help and quickly “ dropped me” after I begin distance from him.. I am just happy that I will be out of there soon and didn’t go far into to make decisions that I will regret forever. I think every thing happens for a reason and let this be a learning lesson for me.