AngeD

He would be moving in with me because of where I live. The area is booming with his type of work. If he were to move in with me, it would be for 4 months because my lease is up then. I don't want to make excuses for him, but originally I figure I would test the 4 months and if it's the same BS, then I'm out. But then at the same time, why bother? Even as I type and re-read what I typed, it sounds crazy. Idk.

6 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

It sounds like he doesn't want to pay you back nor his intentions to do so.  Don't move in with him.  He doesn't sound like a good guy for you long term.  ☹️

Thank you. You are probably right. 

Just now, AngeD said:

He's 47. He has steady employment but he's not making enough. This is why he wants to move, to make more money. 

We have been together for 5 years

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening how long have you been together? How old is he? Does he have steady employment now? Tell him he needs to pay you back. Don't let him bully you out of it. Please do not combine finances or live together. He's looking for a parent, not a partner.

He's 47. He has steady employment but he's not making enough. This is why he wants to move, to make more money. 

No offense to men, but I am so over having to tiptoe around my partner's feelings and emotions. We literately got into an argument because he owes me money. I mentioned it and he said I was "b*tching" and being "cruel." 

I feel this was very unfair. I simply told him, I have concerns about moving together because of the money that is still owed to me. I do not want to be the main provider if we do move. He's been blaming covid about his financial struggles to his industry, but honestly, that was 3 years ago. When I met him, he was doing well.

I told him I am just not sure how certain I am about this move if he cannot make the effort to even pay me monthly. He went on and on about how he can make a large sum of money just like that. I wanted to tell him, if that was true, then why hasn't it happened? But I reframed. 

Then I proceeded to tell him we should talk about a plan on how we can still be able to move and I would not have to be the main provider. I mentioned how is he going to travel around town when he does not have a car, but I do? Are you going to drop me off at work and pick me up? How is this going to work? That's when he proceeded to tell me, "now you're b*tch*ng about the car? Are you telling me you wouldn't let me use the car to get to work?" I told him that's not what I was saying, I'm trying to bring to light how is this all going to work!?

Then of course I'm cruel because I don't have enough patience for him to get setup up in our new city to look for work because I'm complaining about finances. 

He asked me if I still want him to move in with me and I couldn't say yes or no. It would be nice to workout everything and get to a point where we did not worry about finances, but I've been patient for way too long. 

It's like I was open and honest about my feelings which he always wants me to be, but if those feelings are not positive, then I am cruel.

I'm not sure if this a rant of mine or honestly hoping that someone would just respond and tell me, "don't feel bad, you're in the right."

Thanks for reading

I have a sister, that is always about herself. She doesn't go out of her way to help you, but if she needs something for herself, she will ask you to stop everything and help her.

I've been trying to contact my sister for at least 3 weeks now. I have some news to share with her, important news that is time sensitive.  I wanted to share the news with immediate family first, I did, except my sister. I've sent her a text asking when she has some free time to meet up. She gave me a couple of options. I told her let's meet up on X day. 3 days before we planned to meet up, I sent a text to her to confirm the meeting. She didn't respond. I sent her another message the day off. She still didn't respond. I sent her a text 5 days later about something unrelated. She replied back saying sorry, that she has been busy. 

During that same text exchange, I sent her a text saying that I have some news for her, that's why I wanted to meet with her. I told her, I can either call you about it or send you a text. She said she will call me tomorrow to talk. She didn't call. I didn't bother reaching out to her. 

Then a week later, I asked what are her days off. This way, I can either call her schedule another meet up. I called her on the day she was off from work, she was busy, I could hear in the background a lot going on. She told me she would call me later that day. She didn't. 

I'm passed the point where I'm tired of being nice or a pushover in a way. 

My question is, Should I just shoot a text to my sister of my important news and leave it as that?

Besides her being my sister, I wanted to share this news with her because I want to let other family members know too. If I were to tell extended family before my sister, I wouldn't feel right about it. 

1 minute ago, lostandhurt said:

This is the classic No Win situation or Damned if I do and Damned if I don't.

What you need to do is think about your life first in all this.  What would be the least damaging to you?

Making yourself scarce around the holidays or staying all the way through?

If all she is going to do is talk behind your back about what a terrible daughter you are then by all means get out of there and be with your bf.  She tells stuff like that to your face now so who cares if she runs her mouth off to whomever is unlucky enough to listen.  By the way after the holidays if she lays into you constantly just ignore her. I know it is easy to say and hard to do but it is possible.  You know who she is and how she is so that is your advantage.

  This kind of sounds like a battered wife trying to keep her husband happy so she doesn't get a beating.  She does things she doesn't want to just to avoid the inevitable.  This is my point, your mother is going to beat you down no matter what you do so why not enjoy the holidays with your bf and make some really good memories you can think about while your mother makes her noise.

There is no changing her or reasoning with her so just do what is best for you. Any escape from her even if it comes with a price of more demeaning comments seems to be worth it.

  Lost

Honestly, everything you said has opened my eyes. You are right, it is the classic, "Damned if I do, damned if I don't" situation.

No matter what my choice is, she will have something negative to say. So why not just do what I want? I will be happy spending the holidays with my partner, but I will listen to her negativity when I get back. Or I can simply stay with her and feel bad the whole time. Either way, I will feel her negativity, but at least I can enjoy an actual happy holiday. 

Thank you

1 hour ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Yep. Go on holiday.

Your mom is the type whatever you do, you won't be able to please her. You're never enough for her. So why stay during the holidays? Why let her talk to you like that?

Do go on holidays. And, until this ends, learn to confront her and be assertive. These are skills you'll need with other people in life.

You are right. I will never be enough for her. I have learned to be assertive with other people, but find it hard to do so with family. 

27 minutes ago, melancholy123 said:

We must have the same mother.  I couldn't do anything right either and she is the reason I moved out at 18.  I swore I'd live in a cardboard box rather than go back to her house.  I never did go back.  Didnt live in a box either.  I found my own way.

Ha! We might have the same mother. I to, told myself I would never move in with my mom, but here I am and I did. Thank you for your words. You're right, she will just talk about me no matter what I do. I want to move out before January, but I wanted some extra time to get some things in order. 

Hello all,

Recently I had to move in with my mother. I'm an adult woman in my early 30s. My mother has always been a toxic person towards my father, myself and sister since I was a child. Earliest memory was when I was around 5 years old. I mean I didn't call it being "toxic" as a child, but she was definitely, "mean." Just for some insight on how she is toxic. 

She's overly critical of me. I seem to not be able to do anything right according to her. I'm not wearing my clothes right or I'm wearing something incorrectly. When I'm in the kitchen cooking an actual meal, she tells me my food is gross looking (just because it's stuff she doesn't eat). Or says, "what nasty stuff are you making today." In her case, she only warms up food in the microwave, or heats up canned food. If she needs my help and I help her, I'm not helping her correctly and she just lashes out at me for nothing. When I was in college, I told her what I wanted to major in and she told me I would never make any money doing that. When I take the time out to do my makeup on special occasions, she will give me a backhanded compliment. "Oh you look nice, on other days you look terrible." This goes on and on.

I'm moving out to my own place in January. The holidays are coming up and for my own mental health, I honestly cannot stand to be with her for the holidays. I know I can easily spend them elsewhere, but if I do that, my mother will never let it go that I didn't want to spend the holidays with her. And if I were to stay with her during the holidays, she would just criticize me over everything. 

I want to spend the holidays with just my boyfriend, but like I said, she will talk about me nonstop that I didn't spend them with her. And I will have to hear about this directly to my face until I move out. 

This is so crazy. As I type this, I feel like a little girl. I think I just wanted to vent, or "meet" others who have similar problems just to talk. 

Thank you.