MonaLisa95

21 minutes ago, mical said:

don’t think saying never mind and walking away is a temper tantrum or abusive.

 

I never said anything about him being abusive. And storming out of the room, sleeping on the couch, and not saying anything else to me when I try to talk to him is definitely throwing a tantrum in my eyes.

51 minutes ago, mical said:

You hurt his feelings.

A lot of people would be hurt and offended if their partner responded the way you did.

If he was swearing or being verbally abusive that would be a different story. There was none of that here. 

If you are not in it for the long term why bother and waste time?

 

I understand that, but he’s a fully grown adult. No reason to throw temper tantrums. Besides, how can you be angry if someone is unsure about that given our history? I can’t control the way I feel.

8 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Okay, but if you need assistance to get him OUT, then don't hesitate.  He's pushed it far enough & does not belong there.

Make a plan... plan for a day to do this and write out all you have to say.

You be blunt & get to the point.. and be done with it.

 

I’ll definitely give this some major thought! Actually a great idea 

5 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

You don't know who you are anymore- and that's okay

I honestly almost came to tears at this realization. I never in a million years thought that I would be in this predicament.

5 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

asked, if you have support - family/friend to assist?).

Yes, I have brothers that wouldn’t hesitate to assist. But I truly don’t want to get them involved. It wouldn’t probably get pretty messy🤦🏽‍♀️

3 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Perhaps you learned this toxic pattern from your parents whereby they are in a bad/loveless relationship and instead of accepting it, being honest with themselves, stopping t

Honestly, I know everything I’ve said here, but I don’t feel that this is a loveless relationship. I don’t doubt that he loves me but that’s really not the issue here. I just can’t help but be jaded about everything.

5 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

seems you're hoping he will finally agree so you can walk away guilt-free, but that's not going to happen. You have to find your own b

Maybe so....I honestly don’t know. I just feel like anytime I try to end things he’ll just bring up everything I did and tell me that it’s my fault that things are bad so why try to end it

3 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

You two are NOT compatible, no matter who has done more wrongs here!

I’m honestly starting to realize this....

4 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

I am beginning to worry about you, OP! Will you PLEASE stop making excuses for him.  And please stop arguing with yourself inside your head!  What you've got there is a "kept man". Where is the dignity? 

I want to hear you say that you are taking measures NOW to get him off your property.  You do realise that you cannot go on like this.  

So you need help getting rid of him. Well, go and get that help if he hasn't got the dignity to leave when asked. You are going to have to get help to put him out, you do realise that don't you.  

Im honestly not trying to make excuses because I definitely see the problem here. I just didn’t want you guys to think he doesn’t help out AT ALL because he does.

5 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Stop "trying" to end things.

You just end them. That's it. You know what's right for you. You have to acknowledge what's happening and leave this.

For how long do you want to keep on playing the victim? "I see the good in blabla" that doesn't make you any better. You expected this relationship to be the one, and in so many aspects, it's not. And that's okay. You need to accept that he's just not the one for you. That together you don't mesh well and that you are toxic for each other. There are big incompatibilities.

I literally just told him this whole situation is TOXIC!! I’ve done more wrong than him in this relationship and he really holds things over my head. So I feel bad for trying to leave because he always makes it seem like it’s my fault that things are the way they are so why am I trying to end things??

4 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Get over this 'guilt'.. and fast!

You just tell him, enough, you cannot 'live' this way & he needs to find someplace else to sleep!  A friends couch? Love back home?  something other than at YOUR place.

You have a child to deal with and you tell him this will NOT continue on any more.

He IS a grown man.. he can learn to find his own way!

You should feel no guilt here... I'm sure he had a life before you came along, right?

You cannot 'solve' his problems.. especially if you are enabling them.  

So, get up, get real and get him out of there.

Agreed!! I just need help man.

1 minute ago, LaHermes said:

So WHY are you still allowing this parasite to live on your property?

Because most time, it doesn’t feel like he’s being a “parasite” as I’ve said, he does help around the house with things. Household items, food, he makes sure my car has gas in it, etc..but I guess that’s the least he could do right? Because even then, it still doesn’t seem like a fair exchange considering I still do all those thing as well plus the bills....

15 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

He will HAVE to accept it, ML.  Whether he likes it or not. The property is yours!

Remember this (only a few months ago!):

"but I still pay all the bills. Rent, lights, WiFi, security, insurance, & my son’s daycare. And he has a job! So that makes me even more bitter about him being here. I planned to let him stay here rent free for a couple of months so that he could save. But here we are several months later and he hasn’t even offered to pay the WiFi bill at the very least, which is $60 a month. I should not have to tell a fully grown man to help out where he sleeps. He will buy food or household items but I still do that as well so it’s not like he’s alleviating those thing for me. I’m just torn! Some days I enjoy him, other days I just want my apartment back. And I feel sort of bad about it because I don’t know how to bring it up to him without him taking offense and thinking I just want him out..."

And nothing’s changed! It’s the same exact way right now. 

7 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Serious question, but why do you suppose that is?

Are you afraid to be single? 

Guilt, I’m assuming. I’ve never been in this type of situation before. I’m usually very strong minded and no-nonsense when dealing with guys. I’m definitely not afraid of being single. Like I said, I’ve tried ending things multiple times. But the guilt trips always start...

7 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Then why remain where you are not truly 'happy'? Instead of where is possibly draining you 😕 .

Then get out of it... accept, heal & you can both move on with your lives.

Never lead someone on when you're really not into it.

 

I guess part of me always tries to look at the good parts of the relationship. Even when I try to end things, I just try to find the positives, which there are some. But we just always end up fighting about one thing or another.

1 minute ago, MissCanuck said:

If I may be blunt: this is a really screwy reason to stay in a relationship. 

Oh, believe me! I agree 100%! It’s like anytime I try to end things, he says something like “oh now you want to end things, when you’re he one who’s done xyz?!?” And I just give in, I guess. Sadly.

1 minute ago, SooSad33 said:

Why keep this ongoing?

be honest & speak up.

Honestly, I’ve tried! Like I stated, I’ve been no angel and I know part of me just feels guilty about that. But I’ve told him I wanted to end things and go separate ways. He won’t accept that. 

3 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

IMO, if you had to think on this, it says enough.. you think?

My ex did this to me as well.... Mentioned if I was willing to Marry him.. I just said yeah, to shup him up!  ... I was out within 6 mos later.

With all of your rough times and him going there like he did.. with a sudden response of 'Nevermind', shows you where his head's at.  He is insecure now, and I feel he is also a bit unsure - knowing all of your arguing 😕 .

Is it just time to admit things are not working out?

 

Yes. But I feel as though any rational adult would give that question some thought when caught off guard? Maybe not. And yes I wanted to just said yes but whole heartedly, I couldn’t, knowing that it wouldn’t be 100% true.

5 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

You are STILL with this individual you posted about in June! You were given good advice then on that particular issue.

14 minutes ago, MonaLisa95 said:

Yes! I know! Part of me feels guilty for the things I’ve done as well. I’ve been no angel and neither has he but I’ve had more wrongs that he has in this relationship so I know that plays a key role in why I’ve stayed.

5 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

Some more context might help. Jumping up and yelling nevermind makes him sound like a small child. Were you both arguing about anything in particular lately, something specific? If so, what are the disagreements about? 

It

Lately, we’ve been okay. There hasn’t been anything that has set us off. But anytime we do argue, everything from the past comes up and it’s just a big blow up. And I’m honestly tired of it. So of course, I’m not just gonna tell you “yes! I wanna be with you until I die!” because that would be a lie, with the way things are going.

So my boyfriend and I were just chilling and watching movies. All of a sudden he asks “hey, do you want to spend the rest of your life with me?” He really caught me off guard, so I sort of paused after the question. Also, I didn’t want to answer a question that serious right off the bat. We’ve been together for two years so Yes, I’ve given it some thought before but he and I have been through some tough situations and we argue and fight over the smallest things sometimes and it happens pretty often. So naturally, I wanted to think about all the variables before giving him an answer. But before I could respond, he yells “NEVERMIND!” and storms out of the room. He slept in a separate room and hasn’t said anything else to me since last night. I’m just wondering and I wrong in this situation for trying to give a question that serious some thought?? The way I look at it, even if I would have said “no I don’t want to” how can you get angry about how someone feels? They have no control over that. Just need some advice guys.....