grottle

Little update, because I started feeling weird again when i thought I was good. She wanted to keep in touch as friend but i couldn't do it so I didn't block her or anything but stopped talking to her. It's been seven weeks since it happened and first three weeks were horrible to me. I started crying randomly during the day, had really bad thoughts and overall felt like a piece of crap.

I did everything I could to change my perspective and distract myself. Started going to therapy, to the gym. Worked more on my side projects and I was feeling much better. I still had thoughts about her but not that intense. I also downloaded some dating apps and started talking to other women. And for about a month i felt like I was getting progressively better.

But since this past weekend when I got drunk and had a down moment, when I remembered everything and I had to go home when I started crying again. And since then, those thoughts are starting to come back again. I don'
t know why but there are thought in the back on my head which keep coming back to me that give me notion of her coming back and changing her mind. That she just needed time to thing. But rationally, I know it's not happening, she told me very clearly she's firm in her decision and I felt us slowly detaching for over a month before it happened. I don't know how to get rid of these thought. They say "trust your gut" but in this case I know my gut is telling me nonsense.

I talked about my situation in this topic but for TLDR purpouses, I basically waited too long to confess my feelings to a girl we were really close to and after I did she told me it was too late and didn't see us as anything else than friend anymore. She wanted to keep in touch as friend but i couldn't do it so I didn't block her or anything but stopped talking to her. It's been seven weeks since it happened and first three weeks were horrible to me. I started crying randomly during the day, had really bad thoughts and overall felt like a piece of crap.

I did everything I could to change my perspective and distract myself. Started going to therapy, to the gym. Worked more on my side projects and I was feeling much better. I still had thoughts about her but not that intense. I also downloaded some dating apps and started talking to other women. And for about a month i felt like I was getting progressively better.

But since this past weekend when I got drunk and had a down moment, when I remembered everything and I had to go home when I started crying again. And since then, those thoughts are starting to come back again. I don'
t know why but there are thought in the back on my head which keep coming back to me that give me notion of her coming back and changing her mind. That she just needed time to thing. But rationally, I know it's not happening, she told me very clearly she's firm in her decision and I fetl us slowly detaching for over a month before it happened. I don't know how to get rid of these thought. They say "trust your gut" but in this case I know my gut is telling me nonsense.

Just a little update, don't know if anyone cares but I like to keep it as a "journal". She later spicified that it was indeed because I waited too long to make a move after I told her she doesn't need to sugarcoat anything. The first day after was terrible, I was switching between sadness, anger and laughing. I downloaded a dating app to think about something else and give myself a new perspective (not really expecting anything just to talk to someone new for now). Also I contacted a friend who I didnt talk to for years and I didnt even know why because we got along well. I got few matches on the app one of them was a girl I talked to on the same app long time ago. And the friend actually told me she wanted to contact me as well. And both of them asked me if I want to go out. I'm not expecting anything but will see how it goes. So, even if it still hurts when I remember all the nice moment, I feel much better now when I feel there is someone who might appreciate me. Also, knowing what I did wrong, I now know better not to mess up so badly next time.

Thanks for all your support and advices, on one hand I feel sad about it on the other, it is kind of a relief to know what's going on. I hope I'll get over it soon

Okay, so we had a talk after that and she basically told me she can't see me as anything else than a friend, so I guess that's it

So we met but I don't think it helped in any way, it al went well but we were there with my best friend and her best friend (who are dating and introduced us in the first place) and she hadn't seen her in a long time as well so they talked a lot which I totally understand but we didn't have any time to spend just on our own. I was redy to give her a kiss but they were standing next to us. So I know she still cares about me in some way but im still confused

Little update: she asked me herself that she finally has a day off and asked me to meet tomorrow so we will see each other. Don't know if it's gonna be just two of us or other friends but she still wants to see me at least. I will see how it goes

2 minutes ago, Andrina said:

Wow, all that time together and you never kissed? Do you lack confidence? 

In this area, I kinda do, and I know that's probably what caused this situation and now I'm afraid I won't have a chance to make it up

1 minute ago, Andrina said:

What is cuddling? Did you make out? What do you mean it didn't go further? Did she say she was too busy when you again asked her out? Did she ever do the initiating about asking you out? I don't get why you had to "tell" her how you feel. Isn't daily communication and asking her on dates and showing affection showing that you are infatuated and want to continue seeing if you two can build something special?

If you never kissed her, maybe she grew frustrated and wondered if you two were just buddies.

How far is she moving away? I agree with the other poster that texting about important topics is never a good idea.

Now that I see your update, I see you've asked her twice in a row and she has not given an alternate date to the cancellation. No, do no bring it up again. The ball is in her court. You have to learn to let the other person give just as much effort in suggesting getting together. That give you a clear picture if they are invested in you just as much as you are invested in them.

If she lets things fade away, it means she was too cowardly to be honest and say she is no longer interested. If she does suggest something, you can move forward with more confidence and not be in this anxious state of wondering if she's into you or not. If you ask her yet again a 3rd time in a row, it'll be hounding her. If you're the one to always initiate the texting, ease back on that as well. See if she does her own initiating. If again, she lets you fade away, take a hint.

Dating involves all sorts of non-starters, but keep on trying because the reward when you find a keeper is wonderful.

 

She was going back and forth from city where both live to a city where she goes to school. She left the school city so she's actually moving closer. We didn't make out but until march we met almost every week some time a bit more sometimes a bit less frequently and in case who initiated the meetups it was about the same on both sides.

Just now, MissCanuck said:

Why not? 

When she said she would like to meet, that should have been your cue to name a date/time.

I told about how I won tickets to a movie theater at work and Id like to go with her she said she would be glad to join me but it was her last day in her college dorm she told me how sad she was about it so I didn't push her into anything, that's also why I don't wanna jump into conclusions as she always communicated less when she was not feeling well but this time it's for much longer

26 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Have you asked to see her recently?

Whatever you do, I would not go blurting out this confessional via text message. Too many things can get misinterpreted and then you'll be left wondering if she's read it, what she's thinking, when she's going to respond, and so on. 

We were supposed to meet last week but she had to go to work, I asked her once again this week ans she said she would like to meet but we didn't set up any specific time. I will try to bring it up again.