Butterfly1983

Day 6 of no contact. I miss him tons but this may be best for the time being.

Update: I told him that I won´t be able to meet up, because I don´t want to be just friends and if we meet up, I would still worry about how things will go. So I´m starting NC again, from tomorrow it will be day 1. Oh, and I was so happy that I made it to day 11 and now I have to start from day 1 again

 

I totally understand. I've been starting/stopping NC for quite awhile. Don't be too hard on yourself. Think of it this way, at least you bowed out before seeing him. Seeing him could've made it worse. Keep your head up!

No contact ( reboot). Starting again tomorrow. Sigh. Wish me luck

I miss you so much. I truly saw my future in your eyes. I wish you would come back and give us another shot. This hurts so bad.

You're very welcome. Feel free to message me as well. I'm not doing to well on my end...we're going back and forth. Nothing bad, friendly and better than before but I just know I cannot deal with the situation as is. I'm going to try my hardest to go NC again tomorrow. sigh

Day 1

 

Yeah, day 1 again. Yesterday I got a message from him. He said "I wanted to break up but I miss you so much", followed by other messages that contradicted each other. Messages about how we should still try but also break up.

It's so painful. Too painful. And after him ignoring me for weeks, it just feels like one big game he is playing.

I've had enough. So I decided to do it. I told him that we need to break up. And I left it at that.

 

And now all the feelings and memories are going through me and hitting me like daggers. It's like ripping a bandaid but the pain doesn't disappear after. It just gets worse. I would never wish this pain on anyone.

 

On top of that, I lost my computer in the airport last night. Not a great day for me.

 

If someone out there are reading my updates, know that you are not alone in this excruciating pain.

But we must keep going. We must be strong. And kind to ourselves. Today is just another day.

Air hugs to you. While we know it isn't the worst pain in the world, it sure does feel like it is

I had to temporarily delete my facebook account so I wouldn't keep looking on his page or hers. I miss him. The last four months have been difficult. We've been communicating again. Sigh. Tomorrow I will start all over again. Day 1! I just want to make it 30 days.

Hello Everyone, I've fallen off the wagon. We have been keeping in contact while he is currently deployed. Honestly, I wish I would've done a clean break. Dragging things out because you're hopeful almost never works. If the relationship is meant to work out, it will. With that being said, tomorrow will be DAY ONE again. Wish me luck. Tired of this pain.

Wondering if I'll even meet someone who will accept me for me. Someone who is looking for someone genuine. Everyone is finding love, getting married and having babies and I can't even land a date or keep someone's interest

I tried to get out of bed today and stay out but it didn't work. I'm back in bed with my head buried under the sheets. This hurts. If I see one more army or match.com commercial, I may pass out

I truly thought you were "the one." I thought you would be different. We didn't have a blowout or anything. We just parted ways because you said you needed to focus on your career post retirement. You said you'd come back; however, I want to move on. I told you I'd be with you good or bad but somehow that wasn't enough. I wish the phone would buzz with you on the other line but I'm sure it won't.

I'm on day 6 now and I've managed to overcome the urges to contact you. You essentially broke things off so it's up to you make the contact. Military life isn't easy and I hope you're safe during your deployment.

I was invested, you were not. I feel foolish.

5th day of no contact. It's still hard and I sometimes I have to power down my phone to keep from contacting him and keep from looking at the phone. It's getting a little easier EACH day. I hope to be at the point of no return sometime soon. I know I'm type of person that once I reach a certain point and my feelings are gone, there is NO turning back. It has NEVER happened.

With each day that passes, I'm able to see things more objectively. I'm not making as many excuses and I'm looking at the situation for what it is now rather than what I hope it to be. I'm still struggling because I still want to work things out. We didn't have a bad break up, it's just simply he's in the military with a new assignment and not much time, or rather he does not want to make the required sacrifice. There was no blowout...nothing. It was a simple discussion. But life goes on.

Day 17

 

I didnt want to be back here so soon, you helped me through my last break up, from day one, 2 months later you told me you were in love with me, I told you I wasnt ready, and you waited 8 months for me even though i pursued another guy who lead me on, you were still there for me, and I couldn't help it i fell in love with you. We had the most amazing relationship together, I new you so well, and you were ever afraid to talk to me about anything.

A year and half later, you gave up on me, you said you didn't know what you wanted, you didn't see me as your lover, but I was the perfect gf, you decided in 2 weeks you were ok to give up on me. You didnt want to be with anyone, you left me for a week to decide that it was official and that you were going to have to lose all of me, as I couldn't offer being a friend. 10 days later you told me you'd met someone. You threw everything away, it felt like our past became meaningless, including our future together, you said we weren't going anywhere, but all i wanted was to go to Japan with you. I didnt want to pressure you into marriage or moving in together because I new you'd lived with someone before me who treated you like crap, all I wanted to do was give you life. But instead you chucked me away for a different model. I wish one day you'd realise what you've got rid of...because all I wanted to do was accept you for you are, and love you unconditionally, and now I have to let you go, because I love you...

(air hugs)