SJ85

Yeah, I agree! He didn't get the presence of his family much at all and I know this is why he is the way he is today. My husband has tried to get him involved in different activities. We got a puppy at the beginning of the pandemic who was a terror, so we needed help in training her. I work full time and my husband works on the family business, so we would leave our pup with the nephew during the day because he said he always wanted a dog and liked teaching tricks. We did this for about 6 months and our pup unfortunately came to dislike the nephew now. Every time my husband would go to pick her up, our pup was in her crate. It didn't seem like he would actually take care of her like he said he would. We thought giving him a task like that would be good for motivation. Other times, my mother in law has taken him on trips to other countries but he wanders off and finds people dealing drugs and then she ends up getting angry at him for obvious reasons. My husband also found him a job at an auto shop that a friend of his was working at. The job was cleaning the cars after they were done working on them. Not exactly being a mechanic but it would allow him to work with them and move up into an apprenticeship role. He never showed up for his scheduled shifts. My in-laws are not going to be around forever and they are the only ones who will house him at this point because he doesn't contribute in any way at all. My father in law is 80 and has progressive heart failure, the doctors gave him a year at this point. And my mother in law is in her early 70s and still active. We actually want to move away from this area because it's expensive and I want to live closer to my family. We own property there now and hope to build on it, but my husband always feels guilty leaving his family as if it is his responsibility to fix everything. I try to remind him that these issues are not his fault because he has done a lot for his nephew... it's his nephews parents who let him down. And they still act like they are clueless as to why he is like this 😒

My family lives 2000 miles away, so I spend Thanksgiving locally and then travel to see my family for Christmas. I don't think there is anything wrong with me being concerned for a family member. We may not be blood related but we are related through marriage. I don't like to see people in this state and hope that I can help somehow.

Hi there, My husband's nephew, John, is 25 years old and all he does all day is play videos games and smoke weed. Not even exaggerating here this is his 24/7 situation. He has been like this for 3 years now. Here is some back story. His mom (my husband's sister) had him when she was 20 years old and never married his father. Nothing wrong with that of course but she would leave him at his grandparents house alone a lot. My husband is 10 years older than his nephew and so he would babysit him a lot. His other sister would also babysit but he never really spent much time with his parents. Eventually my sister-in-law married and had 4 children with her new husband. Our nephew, John, was integrated with the new family and lived with them until his mom kicked him out of the house at 15 for being arrested on grounds of smoking and selling drugs on campus. He lived again at his grandparents house for a short period of time and then lived with his girlfriend for a short period of time and then back to the grandparents house. But he was never allowed back home and his biological father was rarely if ever around while his stepdad was also not caring at all towards him. Really just never has had a stable family dynamic. Three years ago John's girlfriend of 10 years broke up with him and never talked to him ever again even after he attempted to reach out to her several times. Since then, he has been in this state of depression and never wants to do anything. He started to go to school for a mechanic's license after he got his GED, but because of the pandemic, he stopped going. During the holidays, he just stays in his room and never comes down to talk to us. His mom will drop off presents for the holidays and birthdays and will try to talk to him but gives up quickly. We went over to my in-laws for Thanksgiving yesterday as per usual and no matter how many times he was called down to come join us, he never came down. My mother in law has tried to suggest counseling, going back to school, getting a job, etc. Nothing motivates him. He sleeps during the day and plays video games when he wakes up until he goes back to sleep again. He is skin and bones. We are at a loss of how we can help him and oftentimes worry that he will end his life. Anyone have any other suggestions because we don't know what to do anymore. Thanks for your help.

Yes, he has been going to AA meetings because of his felony charge. She also struggles with drinking a lot but doesn't get into trouble like he does when she's drunk. But, she hasn't really been drinking since he was arrested as he has essentially told her she can't around him ever again... even though he posted a picture of himself in social media where he was drinking with friends. I did seriously consider not ever talking to her again, but she asked me to stand in her wedding and being that I was concerned for her safety, I decided to do it anyways. I am one of her only remaining close friends. Her cousin that is like a sister to her, she cut out because supposedly she was jealous of her. I know her cousin and how she felt about her husband, so I can only assume she twisted her words when retelling the story of how/why they don't speak anymore. When we met up last month, it was just her, another friend (who I consider my closest friend) and myself. She would randomly start crying when telling us about things going on in ber life and then essentially stop herself and say I don't know why I'm crying, things are great 😒... Just so much denial 😪

A close friend of mine seems to always get into the same relationship over and over. I have been friends with her for almost 10 years now and she always seems to get in relationships where her partner is controlling, abusive and rude to her and she just bends over backwards to please them. She is now married to a guy that I always thought was not a good person. He gets into fights with random people out of nowhere when we would hang out with them as a couple still. We haven't in a while because he is just so abrasive. They fight over anything together too and she has changed so much. The most recent issue is that he was arrested for assaulting a police officer and is being charged with a felony. His trial date is in April and a part of me is hoping that he will be put in jail for her sake. Since they have been together she has changed her political views completely, changed her appearance, cut friends and even family out of her life, and is very negative about everything whenever we do hang out which is very rare nowadays. Before they got married and we were out at a restaurant or bar with girlfriends, he would just randomly show up where we were unannounced. Or like more recently, a group of us went away for the weekend without our SO's and he was constantly calling her or texting her. If they weren't texting or talking on the phone, she would track him using their Tesla tracker or the tracker on their dog's collar. Just very weird behavior. I don't know what I can do to help her other than just to continue reaching out periodically and try to get her to hang out. She seems to only work and then stays home or only goes to see people who he essentially approves of. I've seen women in my family go through this type of relationship before and I worry that he is being abusive to her physically and other. Just not sure what to do...