faraday

I am resisting word vomit here but the saga continues. Short and sweet.

Contractor returns and skim coats both bathrooms and seals the grout `as a favor'

I called in sick that day and he was had a surprise greeting when he arrived by myself and my bf.

 

We came and went a few times only to be stopped with yet another problem. A hairline crack through the tiles 5 feet across and 6 feet from the floor. The contractor blames it on `the tile I chose' (that I bought while shopping with him, mind you) I pull out my phone to show him the pictures of cement back boards he installed prior to tiling. Just so happens the seam is exactly where the crack is. My heads about to explode. That's twice now he's deflected blame for his poor work. He fixes it. We leave and don't return. In the meantime I put a call into a large tile contractor for advise. He say my contractor is full of sh**

 

After a few days (for me to cool off) the contractor is coming by tonight to sign off and collect his money. I still have standing water on the shower floor and not confident that another seam won't crack. It's silly and pointless to ask him to guarantee his work seeing he deflects any responsibility while in the middle of it.

 

Two hours and counting and I am not sure how this will play out, but at the very least. . I am paying half of what I owe him and the other at the end of the month. At least that's what I am proposing seeing that nothing else goes sideways between now and then.

 

The issue of the shower pan and standing water is still an unknown to me and I guess I'll know in the moment while talking to him. I do know - I do not want him in my house again. Him repairing it again means I have to deal with him one or two more days and I would have to be there. I am going to show him pictures of the water found this morning from turning on the shower later night. Ridiculous that 14k later and I'm not comfortable showering in my master bathroom and go down the hall. (I place paper towels over the puddles and take the picture) I will ask him what it would cost to rip it out and repair it. In turn I'll suggest I'll take the amount off the balance I owe him to hire someone else to do it.

 

All in all a miserable experience and part of me just wants to pay him the entire amount just to make it go away.

Wow...that’s bad.

I’m glad you kept $3000 to get it repaired....I’m sorry that this has not ended as expected. All reno’s are unpleasant, but the payout is that you love the space at the end...to not love it makes the inconvenience and stress not worth it...and that really sucks.

2 weeks today since construction started and things have been skipping along. . until they are not.

The shower door was the wrong size and needed to be reordered. In the meantime I was able to put up a shower curtain, temporarily.

No biggie. Ill live.

 

The contractor was there on Saturday so I pretty much spent the weekend at SL's. My poor cat has been hiding in the closet most of this time (when the contractor is there) so I thought to bring her to SL's over the weekend. Saturday evening was ok. She seemed to settle in and then was up all night being pest. Sunday she spent the entire day in SL's closet, so in the end it probably wasn't the best of ideas. . but worth a try anyway.

 

I showered last night and noticed standing water in the floor of the shower this morning. :( I mopped up the puddle in what appears to be a low spot and headed into work. Everything I know about this stuff translates into him possibly having to rip it out and redo it? I hesitated telling him. I know he's gotta be about as done as I am, but I can't have a water that doesn't drain in the shower. Can this be happening? I text him and he said he'd look into it. That's where I stand now.

 

I went out with some friends for our usual Thursday night happy hour. Friday I went with SL to see his friends son fight (boxing) I was exhausted. Though my time with SL is comforting with losts of sleep and good cooking, I just don't feel rested sleeping elsewhere and knowing my home is trashed the way it is.

 

I have a new employee starting tomorrow, who will need a good 4 days of training and SL has a friend and his wife in town and they want us to to a baseball game tomorrow night. It's my friends birthday today and a group of girls are going out to celebrate. I am making excuses just so I can go home. I am so burned out and honestly have been for the past couple years?

 

I don't know how to be everywhere with what limited time I do have. I hate to say no to things because it ultimately means I prioritize my job over my personal life and friendships. There are only so many sacrifices I am willing to make for this job. I won't even mention that Monday nights I typically go see my mother

 

Somewhere in the midst of all of this I need some time off to paint and put my house back together.

The tile work looks beautiful. You picked nice stuff :)

I hope it doesn’t all need to be torn out...*fingers crossed*

Your contractor isn’t getting sick of it- this is his job, he does the year round...it’s tough on you because there’s no escape.

Hopefully it’s finished up soon.

I’m sorry that everything is happening all at once. I understand the stress of that :)

How have the reno’s been going? Did he give you a date of completion? Are you going to post pictures when they’re done? Because I’m super jealous and excited for you. My bathrooms are 1990’s time capsules...and I dream of having a shower that I can shave my legs in lol.

I hope your reno’s stay on budget, finish on time, and exceed your expectations.

I've been decluttering and streamlining.

I cut the hours I am working at my main job. 40 hours and that's it there.

I went through my closets and drawers. Donated and threw away bags and bags.

Everything is being spring cleaned and refreshed.

My SO got on board too, going through his things and selling or donating a lot of excess.

 

It feels good. I'm not done yet, but a weight has lifted already.

It’s funny how therapeutic decluttering is. I just did the pantry/kitchen cupboards...and it felt so great.

I’d love to go through the storage rooms but Jay wants to save everything “just in case”...it’s a bit ridiculous. I need to wait for him to go on another work trip....and purge the basement in secret.

I’m glad you’re doing well :)

My mom is...pretty sick. She's sleep around 22 hours a day now. I keep thinking about you and your brother doing this...it's really hard...I'm thankful dad is there with her most of the time. I know I need to up my game...I'm only there 20 hours a week...so hard trying to take care of my business...my house, my husband and my daughter...I don't know how you did it.

 

 

While chatting last night I added up that he's the one that ended both of his marriages and walked away from his recent 6mo relationship. I am noting that he may be unavailable in some ways and I am not up to getting attached to someone who's track record so far paints him as a runner. I will go into this trying to be smart about it and at the same to open to any possibility. Either way it still makes me nervous.

Not judging, but an honest question....why continue to date him when you know you don't want to get attached...when he has red flags...like...why? That's enough reason to walk away. It's hard to not get attached and to not like someone that you spend time with...so if you can see that it will probably end in disaster...why not end it and look for someone without red flags?

 

A friend sent me a little video about relationships and letting go. The message in the end stung. S never fought for me, for us. Though he professed to loving me more than anyone. . and he walked away so easily. He too has a history of running.

It's funny...the men that talked the most about loving me...that talked the most about the future...were always the ones that showed me with actions that they loved me the least. Always remember...action expresses priority. Talk is cheap. Look for someone that *shows* you with their actions that they care.

I don't know if I am cut out for dating anymore.

You're too lovely to give up on dating. There are so many men that will feel like they hit the jackpot meeting you...you just have to meet one worthy. And yes, that is the tricky part....and for you, a huge piece of that puzzle is learning to cut out men that aren't long term relationship material as soon as you realize they aren't your forever...you're too nice giving these men chance after chance to show you that they can be different, that they can be better. A leopard doesn't change its spots. Find one with good "spots".

Keep remembering...you are fabulous. Find someone as fabulous as you are, and you'll be golden xx

Ugh, I would want to cancel Friday too. That guy sounds exhausting...you told him where you are and it's like he's got his fingers in his ears...he's not very respectful. It sounds like he's not the person you knew when you were young.

How did your procedure go? I've been thinking about you but get distracted every time I try to write. Are you back to work soon?

I still love people from 15 years ago. It doesn't mean I'd change my life if they had come back, or that I want to be with them. It just means that I think they're an awesome human being and look back on our time fondly.

That photo is adorable

They say when you're feeling down to go out and do things. It sounds like you are. Just make sure when you get your bank account built back up, that you start doing more things that aren't working

I get why having money in savings is comforting....and I think it's smart. It does give you options...you could travel, you could buy a place...you will be safe if something happens with your job (it's not something I ever thought about until this last year). It's smart to have a contingency fund.

I think you'll make the dream of a place on the water a reality. It sounds like a nice future

I hope your procedure goes well and that you heal quickly. Do you want to share more or is it too personal? I'll be thinking about you. When do you go in?

It's not so much the fact that you went on dates, more so the last two post where you seem to be doubting yourself and wanting to give him more chances that gives me the impression that you're trying to make it work with him despite the red flags, and it felt a bit like a deja vu reading that.

 

That's just my impression though, as we all know sometimes written words can be misleading!

 

This.

 

One of the things you commented on right after your break up with S was that you kept trying to make it work at the beginning...you kept giving him more chances, giving him the benefit of the doubt when he was jealous.

 

This new guy is aggressive. You don't find it attractive and have told him that he needs to back down....he isn't. Why keep giving him chances when it's not easy? It should be easy in the beginning, remember?

So I've seen K 4 times. The first two times we met at neighborhood restaurant. The last two times we bbq'd at his house.

The first two times while walking me to my car he seemed to be joking when we said goodnight, that the night didn't need to be over and I could go home with him. . Ha ha. . No.

Both bbq's, he kisses me. There are all types of kisses but these kisses are - I want to get you in the bedroom - kisses.

 

I don't know this aggressive K. I know my friend K.

I had a talk with him the last time I saw him, telling him my reservations, seeing he's recently out of a relationship and I am still trying to figure things out between us. In other words `slow the heck down'

I said I move slowly and he joked he moved fast and `wasn't going to dance around this forever'

and that he wanted to be in a relationship. I agreed he needed to do what's right for him but it wouldn't include me on those terms. . (I said with a smile)

 

It suddenly doesn't feel that this is about me in particular but more of an opportunity with someone who's only breathing and available. I don't know.

We've known each other off and on for years. Does he really even know me?

 

All I know is his pressure makes me uncomfortable.

 

I say goodnight and he's trying to grope me at my car and get me to stay.

Did he not hear anything I said?

My birthday is coming up. He text me yesterday wanting to take me out on my birthday.

I told him I have plans. (I don't as of yet)

An hour later he texts me wanting to know when he can see me next.

Now I am cringing.

Who is this guy? I thought I knew him. I don't know this new version.

 

Part of me partly wonders if I am also being a chicken.

There is nothing more unattractive than feeling like you are just a warm body that could be replaced by any other person walking by.

I totally get it. I don't like aggressive men either. Not in the beginning anyway. Not when I'm still trying to figure out if I like him or not.

It sounds like he doesn't want to get put into the friend zone and he's going to make sure you don't see him as a buddy.

[video=youtube;avaSdC0QOUM] ]

 

Because I'm ridiculous. Soo fun though.

Lol that's pretty funny.

I'm glad you had an awesome weekend

You're right, but the problem I have is he had lost the weight when I ran into him last year. He had gone about it by doing some controversial injections and limiting himself to something crazy, like 500 calories a day.

When he dropped the weight he had the best of intentions to maintain it but over the course of the 3 mo's we dated he put close to 30 of it back on! Every time I saw him he gave me an update on his weight gain ;/ ?

Even when he's heavy, he's still an attractive man. I just get stuck on this one.

 

So here we are this year. He did the injection therapy again. Looks good. But can he maintain it?

Taking shortcuts is not an act of discipline.

 

And the drinking hasn't changed . .from what I can tell with one dinner.

He greeted me and I could smell alcohol his breath, assuming that's what he did while waiting for me at home. Over a 2 hour dinner he had 3 glasses of wine.

 

Mind you . . It's not my business and I am all for living ones life they way they choose to.

But I draw the line between someone who likes to drink and someone who needs to.

I am not sure which side he's on . . .but it's awfully suspect.

 

He's talked about not drinking for periods of time before.

Date 2, round 3 tonight.

Dr Bernstein? I had a friend do that. She lost like 80 pounds and she's kept it off for several years. I don't think I could do that program...it isn't long term discipline, but it sure is in the short term. My friend ate barely anything...I would go on a murderous rampage after 2 days...it would be bad.

After everything I read here. . I should send my son a link to ENA.

 

My older son has the high maintenance gf and the two of them are pretty volatile. On and off, then on and off some more.

He confides to me that he's not `allowed' to be on social media and she has the passwords to his phone and lap top. I just about lost it.

 

They've been `off' this week and he tells me last night that she's coming by. Mind you she lives an hour and half away in evening traffic.

I put two and two together and her bike is on the patio. It's one of those `I want my bike back!' moments. You know, the one she left in my garage a

year and half and ago and forgot about. Now it's so important that she'll drive 3 hours round trip at night to retrieve it. . .Hhhhmmph!

 

I lock myself in my room and wake up to see the dang bike still on my patio.

Drama continues.

Did you tell him it's not normal to not be allowed on social media? That it's a violation of privacy to have to share passwords with your partner?

Did you tell him that love...should be easy? At least in the beginning anyway...because if it's hard in the early stages when it's just dating, and going for dinner, having lots of sex and you're still getting to know one another (and don't have years of history together to breed resentment)...that you don't stand a chance in hell when the relationship progresses and life is living together, sharing bills...a child...that when you hit a rough patch in a relationship where its hard in the easy times...it will shatter?

Because I didn't know that until a few years ago. Everyone around me always talks about how you need to fight for love, and that love isn't easy, relationships are hard...but what I didn't realize is...they don't mean those things about the beginning. They mean it about when you've been living together/married for a while and one of you gets sick. Or your child gets sick. Or just surviving the first year with a newborn. Or when you live together and one person loses their job and the other person has to support both, and they go to work all day and find their spouse unshowered on the couch and the sink is full of dishes, they haven't picked up groceries like they were supposed to...and you resent the hell out of them for making your life harder.

Maybe he doesn't know that love should be easy in the beginning. It's still a lesson many people are still learning at a much later age.

I'm so glad you have people IAG. Your bf, your brother...your bfs family...they have your back. I'm glad for you....and I'm glad the estate is being settled and soon the craziness will close.

I feel sad that your mom lived in a house that had so many things that needed repairing and replacing and her bf didn't help her...and that instead of taking care of herself, she was helping him and his family.

I've too realized family isn't really all that great of a reason to keep people around. The saying "blood is thicker than water"...just doesn't ring true. I think sometimes you have to make your own family with people that love you and treat you well. This whole loyalty just because of blood relation thing is often detrimental to oneself...so many people take advantage of it...like you have to love them even when they're jerks just because they're family. I hope soon you can wash your hands clean of those that have been unkind.

You're doing good. Have you been taking time for self care? Any fun plans with the bf or friends coming up? Wishing you strength to see you through this. Xo

Congratulations that's exciting. I hope it goes well. Your son is a brave guy proposing in front of all those people, he must be pretty sure he's getting a yes

I was committed to keep him and he was very much wanted.

I guess I hadn't anticipated it being so difficult. He was definitely an exception to what I'm used to having had 4 cats total in my life time.

I'm disappointed

I walked around the corner and took a video of him so you could hear him. I've shown my mother and a friend and they agreed I did the right thing.

He'd get so wound up if you didn't know better one would think someone was hurting him.

Just sad.

And it wouldn't have gotten any better. I adopted an almost adult cat like that. Pokey. She never shut up. I was almost relieved that I had to give her up...she kept trying to smother clementine when she was newborn...so she had to go.

I'm sorry that this happened. He was cute...but defective.

Omg, he is soooo cute

The high maintenance ones always are

Usually when they start peeing like that (and it's not a physical reason like a UTI) it's because they've snapped. I hope that's not the case for her.

I'm sorry that she's not doing great Poor Macy

The kitten is adorable.

May flew by like it was nothing.

I see how much I'm taking on (because I have a paper day planner that everything goes into...and it's FULL) but I still don't really believe that I'm *that* busy. But then my eyebrows are like crazy right now- I need to make time to deal with those suckers lol, but when? The struggle is real.

I do the same things as you to heal after a break up. Out of sight, out of mind. It helps.

It's good that you can see that it was toxic. You'll be able to recognize that pattern with future people that you date (whenever you do) very quickly and know to get out- because it doesn't get better.

I don't like going places when I'm the third wheel either...so I get that.

I don't know what to say. ((((Hugs)))))

This too shall pass.

Omg , we went camping in the Cypress Hills all the time, Pacific Rim National Park, Tofino , Banf etc etc.

I haven't been to Tofino yet, but i know I will in the next year or two. It sounds lovely. We love camping in cypress hills. Banff/Canmore is a day trip...so we usually just hike/snowshoe and go home.

You're totally going to end up living out west again lol.