CrazyWife

We have just moved home (I forgot to mention this part!) and away from two nightmare neighbours and work was my refuge. I do find being a parent difficult and can at times feel a failure at it.

Yeah as I feel I can also over indulge in food if I am stressed or go back to cigarette smoking too. I need better outlets and just need to balance everything out better

Thanks for your responses. I do feel I may have traits of an addictive personality. I do wonder if I pull focus on something so intensely where I feel in control. I can struggle with the stresses of parenthood at times and lack confidence as a parent on occasion. I may need to find a better outlet for all this rather than becoming obsessed with work and seeking outside validation of my self worth. I should feel lucky I have family and friends who love me.

Thank you for your response. I have done some digging and yes I have always taken my job seriously but it's like I stopped drinking which as an addict was a main focus and then it went to work. Was out at a birthday party today trying to focus solely on my child but kept thinking of work but at the same time knowing that I had to address this problem. Wanting to focus on being healthier/ getting back to the gym and perhaps moving to a less intense area of work which may be more beneficial changes to make, especially for my self esteem.

Maybe I just want to prove dedication to my role and that I'm actually good at something? Maybe a lot of this has to do with self esteem. I don't take criticism of my work well at all. Even constructive criticism as dedicate so much to my work. I use it for my self worth I guess.

Thank you for such a kind and thoughtful comment. I do worry about losing this time with them and have always found that I really can take things to the extreme.

It has been brought up to me that I focus too much on work outside work. That I am very career focused. I have done the following - - Focused on work rather than family and friends - Done work related tasks when out socialising and constantly thinking about work - Get frustrated when others don't do work tasks, meetings on their days off and think of them as having no work ethic - Take over tasks at work or I see them as not getting done properly if left to others I just think about work constantly and have a colleague that calls me all the time about work. I feel I neglect my family for work. I was once an alcoholic and have now stopped drinking. I wonder if I have exchanged alcohol for work. I rely on work for validation too much. I worry that I focus not enough on my family and after discussion with my partner, he said I spend too much time on the phone to colleagues after work rather than spend time with my family. I worry one day I will look up and our children have fled the nest and I missed all the good times because I was just to obsessed with something that will replace me easily if I die tomorrow.

Thank you for your reassuring comments. I need to put my focus and energies on to something better for me.

I wasn't using this grocery store at the time but walking past it as that's where I stop on public transport but I guess I can change that up too until I feel more comfortable again.

Sorry this is happening to you. I understand why you would feel shame as I've been in an abusive relationship. It takes courage to walk away and trust me, the courage is there. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Can you contact a domestic abuse charity or support line for advice? Contact a lawyer to see where you stand with the house? Unfortunately, with any abusive relationship, it will get worse not better. I was with a man who abused substances and he was a Jekyl and Hyde. Fine sober but a nightmare when intoxicated. It's scary as you walk in eggshells waiting for the explosion. Please get advice and support when he is away. It is scary walking away but for your physical and mental health, you need to. Would you contact police for help?

So sorry you went through this. You no way asked for this and it is disgusting that your boyfriend said you were. I had this happen to me when very drunk and can understand the trauma that comes with it. Please seek professional help through a therapist or a rape crisis service. What he done was rape. Do you think you were drugged?

I was thinking of dealing with it as I would my patients. I work in a psych ward. I can get abuse on a daily basis but deal with it as calmly as possible. I think my issue is overthinking the whole thing. I worry about further episodes or violence from him or his associates. I maybe need to let it go. I didn't move too far from him but far enough. The city I stay in isn't too big unfortunately.

I was with friends today and chose not to discuss my ex neighbour as wanted to speak about other things

Spend time with friends, maybe do more meditation, thought records sheets where I challenge my unhelpful thoughts, journalling perhaps.

He is unfortunately taking up a lot of time in my head. I shouldn't let him as got more important things to focus on