Sorry this is happening to you. I understand why you would feel shame as I've been in an abusive relationship. It takes courage to walk away and trust me, the courage is there. You have nothing to be ashamed of.
Can you contact a domestic abuse charity or support line for advice? Contact a lawyer to see where you stand with the house?
Unfortunately, with any abusive relationship, it will get worse not better. I was with a man who abused substances and he was a Jekyl and Hyde. Fine sober but a nightmare when intoxicated. It's scary as you walk in eggshells waiting for the explosion.
Please get advice and support when he is away. It is scary walking away but for your physical and mental health, you need to. Would you contact police for help?