Red Flags that You're Not Being Good to Yourself and Others

We all have insecurities and imperfections, but unless we’re actively aware of how we are treating ourselves, our loved ones, and our community, we’ll start to exhibit unkind behaviors that can cause more harm than good. While these tendancies may manifest in a variety of ways, there are tell-tale signs that you’re slowly turning into an unkind person.

One of the most common ways these tendencies show up is through passive aggression. If you find yourself speaking with subtlety instead of directness, engaging in sarcasm, or resorting to spiteful behavior, then you might be sending red flags that your being unkind. Avoiding confrontation is also a sign of unkind behavior, as it suggests that you are privileging your own feelings over those of others. It’s important to proactively engage with people through communication and acknowledge how your actions and words are affecting the conversation.

Another common indicator of unkindness is pettiness. A mean person is usually marked by repeated outbursts about minor topics, unnecessary nit-picking, and a focus on turning small problems into much larger issues. The type of person who exudes unkind behavior thrives on creating conflict and will often make pointed comments in order to bring attention to their own sense of superiority. It’s important to not succumb to this kind of behavior and re-frame conversations in a way that emphasizes understanding and thoughtfulness towards others.

Self-deprecation (whether or not it is exaggerated) is yet another red flag to consider. When we spend time constantly belittling ourselves, we tend to project these feelings onto others. We might think that our self-deprecation is in line with some altruistic goal, like bringing other people down to make us feel better, but ultimately it just breeds resentment and animosity within ourselves and those around us. It’s far healthier to work towards internal self-care and setting healthy boundaries.

Finally, if your behavior is guided by a need to control your closest relationships, then you are likely harboring unkind behavior towards yourself and others. Most commonly seen in romantic partnerships, trying to control someone’s life indicates that you have put your own opinion and satisfaction above the needs of others. If you think you are engaging in this type of behavior, the best way to rectify the situation is to open yourself up to an honest dialogue with the person in question. Communication, understanding, and respect are key to moving forward.

It can be difficult to reflect on one's own behavior - and it's even harder to admit if you are becoming an unkind person. That said, recognizing these remarkable red flags is the first step to opening your heart and being kind to yourself and others.