levie

11 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

\

6 hours ago, smackie9 said:

I don't blame him for getting upset. He invested his time, texting you, changed his plans to stay longer, went out on some dates, so he wasn't just some guy you met at the bar.

Yes you are right. He did invest time 

You communicated about having a relationship, getting to know him, etc. Still strangers, he was confused about your intentions/expectations...you know how men get accused of rape, he was being careful. Hence he wanted more of a green light from you instead of taking his chances of being assertive.

Yes they do.. And I did not think that could be his concern. If he wanted intimacy, I felt he should have at least tried to kiss me.

You fell asleep, so he thought well that's that. Then you send him a sexy photo after....that would upset any man. That's taken as teasing..not kool.

Yes, and I said I was teasing him or he said I was. I said it jokingly, but I certainly didn't expect him to be so upset with me to cut me off.

  

 

Maybe that was it...

4 hours ago, catfeeder said:

I can't speak to what you found weird, 

You can't answer my question - Why are you posting then? 

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. How long were you talking before he suggested stopping by on his way abroad? You dodged a bullet. Meeting up at a hotel for a brief encounter with a stranger isn't really "getting to know someone" for a relationship. 

Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. As far as the hotel encounter, is he in another relationship? It seems like he wasn't as interested as you hoped. 

Please get a good profile and pics on quality paid relationship focused dating apps that screen for identity. Paid apps may have more serious daters and better screening and matching tools.

Especially for distance lifestyle and other characteristics. Start talking to and meeting local available single men for a brief coffee/drink first to decide if you want a second date. 

Please date locally and safely. Please don't make the first meeting at a hotel. Don't worry about why sex didn't happen. Be grateful you came out of this risky encounter in one piece.

I met him in Soho house first time (public place). I met him for breakfast in a restaurant (2nd time public place). I spent afternoon with him. (public place - 3rd time) I paid for a separate hotel room. I was going to take a nap alone - I ended up watching a movie with him. (thats the hotel room part) - in my room.   I went to his room the following morning.   

I do some level of due diligent - I usually look up people on white pages before I meet them - to see where they live, their name, jobs etc.

I think he was a super person and we got along well - I would have liked to stay in touch with him - given his frequent travel - I feel hurt - he got "angry" at me.  

I wasn't into casual sex. And I don't. We were talking about having relationship before I met him. When he asked me why I didn't - I said I was "sussing him out" - trying to learn more about him, since he is a stranger, as you correctly pointed out.

He asked me why I sent him a selfie - post-fact - I said - its because he's far away.

 I got a separate hotel room with that reason.  I thought what he did was respectful on one hand.  On the other hand - I got a weird vibe.  His attitude just changed into being really weird with me - and then dropping me off being angry with that text.

A guy I messaged on a dating site -was on the way to go abroad for work - he was coming from west coast - he suggested to make a stop on the east coast to meet with me. He said he made a few changes to his airplane so he could meet me..  His background is former military running nonprofits now in conflict zones. 

He turned out quite cute - but he had a stinky breath - I just didn't really kiss him - as evening wrapped I dropped him off in his hotel  as I went on the way to home.  He texted me that he'd like to spend the night with me - to which I replied I am home already. We met the following day 

I had evening plans  but I was having nice time with him. He extended his stay Then my temporary apartment was booked so I moved to his hotel - separate room - same floor. 

We watched Netflix  (his breath was ok then!) - and then as I was falling asleep- he left to his room. He texted me that he felt " couldn't sleep, didn't want to keep waking you up..Hard for me to sleep with that kind of tension"... I think he meant sexual tension but he hasn't made out with me - he just left!!

The following morning (Sunday) - he said he had crazy dreams because of his PTSD.  I came to his room, we kissed - but I stopped - he said he has some tattoos - and wasn't going to show me - (ie he'd have to take his clothing off) - which seemed like he didn't want to do.

We went out for breakfast, when came back he said he has to continue going to Europe for his trip - then he tried to undress me (for actual intimacy) - but at this point ..

He didn't quite make a sexual move until very end - and even with that he was making some strange excuses.

The problem is I quite liked him. And the whole behavior quite confused me.  Why would he leave the room and write me from distance he felt tension? Usually (active guys) - don't need an invitation to make a move or kiss or touch a boob!

When he left - I sent him a sexy selfie - he said " why didn't you do anything when I was there?"  

I wrote him I was trying ot get to know him - I wrote him an emotional text which he didn't reply. Then I deleted it, and wrote ?! forget it"....He asked me why I deleted the texts ..I said was sick and when I'm not feeling well - I overthink.  He replied "I have a lot going on without having to deal with that. Thats why I shouldn't date".  I wrote him a text apologizing again.  but haven't heard back....

The whole situation pulled a rug under me...and I have been feeling unsettled for some time. The behavior from his end was quite strange...

I feel quite guilty because of communication... but also I usually have to fight guys off - not have the expectation Id jump on someone...

Today he has messaged me and asked me to move into his house in nyc and then for us to move to Florida after his renovation is done.  I had not replied.

On 4/9/2022 at 9:51 AM, Jaunty said:

in your first post, one week ago, you referred to him as your role model.  Nothing in real life has transpired between the time you first posted and today. You have been providing housekeeping type services for him, and you had a brief fling. 

I met him 3 years ago. I did not know him but my impression however incorrect it was that he is smart intelligent, and was into new technology. It inspired me to start my masters. As I was studying, we would occasionally text and see each other (super rarely) - always about new technology, new medical advances - he added me to his medical innovation group - I was just mostly reading.  That was super interesting so I didn't know him very well. 

After I graduated (degree in AI) - he started talking to me more actively and involved me in his businesses - zoom calls with introductions of his company people, etc.  Everything up to now has been friendship, work interest and no sex. 3 months after I had graduated and have been involved in the zoom calls - he had invited me to Nyc to stay at his house. I stayed in a different room, there were two other people there - there was no physical intimacy.  I was ok to stay since up to this moment we were friends. I stayed for a couple of days - he left abroad and left me and another girl in his house, then he had another family friend stay there.  As a courtesy, I tried to leave the place clean. Normal, no? 

Romantic relationship started when he invited me to go to Munich. a month after nyc.  There was no arrangement. 

That was in September - October October - November I worked in perestnation with his partners.  I saw him again end of December when he invited me to go on a yacht. Originally it would have been over Christmas holidays (I took a week+ off work) - but the boat was not working and I ended up flying home and flying back in feb. We were together Dec-end Jan, and mid Feb- mid March.

Mid-Feb to mid March - was when the yacht actually left to go across Atlantic.  And the internet wasn't quite was I expecting. and I got to know him a lot better, we got closer and I saw not very positive sides of him.

Mid march I left home and he to nyc. 2-3 weeks had elapsed since I saw him..Not a huge amount of time..but also not enough to go hang out with other women.

I do not feel my connection with him was haphazard or an arrangement of any sort. 

My work collapsed during and after boat trip, with full on collapse this Friday. ( took two weeks).

On 4/9/2022 at 9:51 AM, Jaunty said:

 

Also, in your first post you said that he has "compelled" your work, and you described yourself as having a  successful career.  But now, one week later, during which you have had no new experiences with him and his messy boat and business,  you are suddenly jobless?  

Honestly, this whole thing is sounding quite farfetched the further down the rabbit hole it travels.   

12 hours ago, Jaunty said:

In your first post you say he is your role model.   Now you are disparaging his character.  Yet, nothing has changed between your first post and today.  What gives?

The explanation is simple: I had imagined him to be a different person than he turned out to be.  In my mind I imbued him with more intelligence, and qualities than there are.  I am going through disillusionment and its painful.

What I had observed on that boat - crew quitting (4 successive captains) - turned out the same with his other project - our mutual friend/colleague had said his chaotic behavior transfers across projects.  I observed him yelling at the top of his lungs at a crew member.  He dismissed my work needs to prioritize his packing and his side trips.

As a result my work has terribly suffered. Today they had let me go. In the last day, I had not replied to his texts, and he called. I had a conversation with him and told him about my work, he said he feels 100% responsible

He wrote to me later:

"I am shocked but I won't leave you and will work with you to overcome and come out stronger. We are a great team and you're especially great, greater than great'...Can you not hate me 100% but only 90 % lets get together and make a plan. I can come to California for your birthday"

To this end, I asked him "come to California in what capacity?". I'm waiting for that answer. I am sure he appreciates me as a team member and does not want to lose me, but that's not what I am waiting to hear.

Voile!

On 4/5/2022 at 12:23 PM, Batya33 said:

 

This particular person as the OP describes him very likely justifies being dishonest and not just in his personal affairs.  I wouldn't be shocked if he also lies about his business affairs/financial dealings.  This guy seems to be all smoke and mirrors.  The OP seems to be ignoring the smoke and mirrors and creating smoke and mirrors to justify ignoring the red flags and to justify spying on him.

Thats correct. I found out from our mutual friend - the disaster I've seen with the boat employees leaving - the same is going on with his other business real estate.  Its the same personality creates the same problems across all his work, and across relationships.

He is still planning to meet me after birthday.

I just saw woman #2 in the video.  She is another one he was corresponding with - and by conversation she feels they have been in relationship - knows him well.  Woman #1 from last week is not around this week anymore.

There isn't much to say here - and I don't think I would need to have a conversation about exclusivity anymore - things are so very very clear.

I am just very grateful to all you guys who took the time to give your insight and life experience to me. When you're emotionally involved with someone who is manipulative, it is hard to see "forest or the trees".   Thank you again very very much. 

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

What did you "move forward" to -having sexual contact from being "just friends" with this wealthy man you put on a pedestal?  What kind of high recommendation -that he was looking for a serious relationship, in general or with you? That he was wealthy and could pamper you? Whoever told you that he is single because he's busy and  a hard worker- well you know that's ridiculous -just look around you at all the committed couples who are really busy and hard workers (husband and I included). He's single because he chooses to be.  

I do not need to be pampered. You're hyper focused on that for whatever reason.  The recommendation is that he was looking for a serious relationship, and that I would be a fit to him. 

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

He may not be a player -you're playing around with yourself - with your emotions, with your rationalizations and dishonesty with yourself.  Because you like the benefits -this older, wealthy man who dangles trinkets in front of you

No trinkets involved, don't get excited. This yacht trip wasn't really that great to be quite honest.  

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

and owns a yacht and whispers sweet nothings you hang on to every word.  You tell yourself you're learning so much business wise while you replace his disgruntled cook and annoy your employer who can't reach you.  

Why not go for an MBA or if you already have one see if your employer offers seminars/training that might pique your strong business interests.

I already have masters from a very prestigious university from a different field, not MBA. 

47 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Wait, I thought you said he added you to his "household" and gave you access to accounts. Now you're saying he is unaware you have his passwords?

What prompted you to spy on him anyway?

I am not in his head.  I do not know what he is or not aware of on the day-to-day basis.  I have my own life and my own priorities. I have a lot more passwords he gave me. I do not  use them.  

There are two things that prompted me to observe him - after our trip - he did not invite me to go to New York, and the text messages I saw - this raised worry of mistrust for me. 

He promised to come and visit me instead.

6 minutes ago, tattoobunnie said:

 

But to sum it all, putting money aside.  Who cares.  Do you actually like him?  Do you like how he treats people who aren't from a wealthy background?  Does he give back?  Do you like the same music and books? Do you both have a lot in common or a connection?  Do you think he's hot without the Range Rover?  That's what you should focus on; if he's worth your time.  And if he is, tell him you mean business, and want him to be your boyfriend, and you be his girlfriend.  It really is that simple.  And if you cannot have this conversation with him, he's not the one for you.

I do actually like him.  I like the books he reads - I read the same, I like the same music  and I like his politics - mine is the same.  We like the same food. There are many many ways in which we align. I like his work ethics - I have the same.  He has deep connection to my country. He is not ugly but he isn't handsome - but I still very much like him.  He treats people who are not from wealthy background exceptionally well.  He has interesting innovative ideas, he is dynamic, engaging.  I He is a difficult person and a difficult character.  But I learned to deal with it.  

28 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

No, he is absolutely not hiding.  Anyone who has had cameras mounted in their own  house is completely aware at all times that their movements are being recorded and that anyone with access can look at them.  Maybe he'd prefer to avoid any type of confrontations, but it's obviously not a big deal to him whether you know or not,  Unless he is unaware that you have all his passwords.  Is this the case?

 

Knowing him I would guess he is unaware I have all his passwords.

He is generally very busy and has a short attention span and maybe not the best memory.  I greatly doubt he would want intentionally to hurt me or avoid confrontation.

When I disappeared (I stopped speaking to him for a couple of days) - he got really worried and started calling me a lot.

In Addition, before I got together with him on a personal level, his friends wife - who knows him for 30 years told me that he is single because of his very busy life he is extremely hard worker as am I , and that specifically:

he is not a player.

Based on that - I felt it was ok to move forward with the personal aspect of this relationship, he came highly recommended to me,.  I did not do it haphazardly. 

10 minutes ago, Rox22 said:

How old are you? How old is he?

I'm 45 he is 55

6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Besides spying? That's not honorable, it's a serious violation of trust.

You're just one of his flunkies. But a sneaky untrustworthy one.

A violation of trust is cheating, whether its done hiddenly or in the open - since its totally ok with you - why exactly are you giving me advice?

you're disqualified 🙂

6 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Then this should tell you something - he doesn't even bother hiding other women from you. He doesn't genuinely view you as his girlfriend, OP. You're role-playing that, essentially. 

While my access is not illegal - I doubt he knows I was actively looking at his google home.  He is hiding.

6 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

A man who saw you as more than a so-called side chick would not be bringing other women around right under your nose where he knows you can see it. 

10 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Then this should tell you something - he doesn't even bother hiding other women from you. He doesn't genuinely view you as his girlfriend, OP. You're role-playing that, essentially. 

A man who saw you as more than a so-called side chick would not be bringing other women around right under your nose where he knows you can see it. 

I do not think he is aware I saw him with her.  Actually, I saw he didn't want her to come up to the kitchen and meet the 4 boys who are staying with him.  - I know one of the boys.  I just met him and his family on this trip.  It seems he was sneaking her in and out. 

3 hours ago, Jaunty said:

Did you quit your own job in order to take on these various chores for him?  You've mentioned before that you are a successful professional person.

I had big problems at work as a result of this - also internet connection he promised wasn't quite stable and it was difficult to work. As a result my career did suffer. I'm trying to recover it.

3 hours ago, Jaunty said:

Also, and I'm sure you're aware of this, people who are having a sexual relationship with a person while staying as their guest on their boat or apartment generally would not be expected to "pay" for the privilege of staying.  Neither would his friends or business associates, for whom you were acting as cook.

I'm not understanding why you have engaged in this arrangement.  

He had a cook but the day before we were supposed to leave - he quit. He asked me last minute, this was not my expectation, I was supposed to be.a guest and work for my job on my time.  This trip was a disaster in many aspects.

I went because I wanted to spent more time with him.

This person has  problems, as in - he is not very active intimately .. sorry to get into details, relations were very rare. As I thought  I was his gf  (because he referred to me as such) -  lack of physical aspect was a problem for me.

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

If he knew you were abusing the access to his home system for spying he would toss you and your family out asap. As he should.

44 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

"besides spying???" In what business world would this be ok? You're his colleague in business first and foremost.

4 hours ago, mylolita said:

Hi Levie,

 

What a situation huh, easy for a girl to get swept up in. There is a reason why books like ‘50 Shades of Grey’ sold millions of copies. The fantasy of the multi-millionaire or billionaire sweeping women off their feet is time tested! 
 

But it sounds like you have yourself a high grade player here. I don’t think this sounds like the foundation for a serious relationship - if you are honest with yourself, do you? 
 

Like Lambert has said, to give this guy the benefit of the doubt, you can sit down, have a frank and open conversation with him about your future and see what he says. If he refuses to be exclusive or spins you excuses you have your answer…although, he is seeing plenty of women and cheeky, two at a time, whilst calling you his girlfriend! That says it all! Then he uses the we are just dating card? It’s a casual thing but he unfairly is giving you a title to friends and in private and I’m not sure why he is playing these games but I could make a guess! 
 

There are plenty of glamorous women who are happy to be side chicks or very casual girlfriends in open relationships with wealthy men who pamper them. Is that you? You have to ask yourself what you really want, what you really need and what is good for you.

While it seems he's going out with more than me - he doesn't want a glamorous woman - he wants a very educated woman with a serious career. He is turned off by 'show' ie Chanels etc.

4 hours ago, mylolita said:

It’s fine to be used in some mutual arrangement as long as it is very clear what those terms are between two consenting adults. If he’s not being clear and is messing around with other women whilst sometimes calling you a girlfriend but also employing you and then letting family stay at one of his properties whilst he’s away it’s very confusing. You need to ask him to be clear - what are his intentions? 
 

x
 

 

40 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

"besides spying???" In what business world would this be ok? You're his colleague in business first and foremost.

Our agreement for my manner of help is not outlined - there is not set of responsibilities that I need or have a responsibility to perform. There is no contract.  I am not being compensated for it. At one point he promised stock but that has not materialized nor I believe will materialize. 

So it was my desire to help him in business, I'd say our relationship is personal foremost, and -  I give him advice/research/maybe sometimes design on the best of my ability and my time availability, my normal job comes first.  I do not have to do this, and I can stop any time without issues.

He asked to spend birthday with me, and now he wants to send a present to me and my family (its an easter platter) - its nice and thoughtful, but I will refuse it.

As in - how am I explaining it to them - they know him (on video and from my stories).. they feel he isn't serious - that being the rationale for refusal  - I will make it a very polite one.

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

If he knew you were abusing the access to his home system for spying he would toss you and your family out asap. As he should.

I have this access because he gave it to me.  He can see me in the list of his 'household'.  He knows I have it. As far as 'tossing' is concerned and what he 'should' do ...I've behaved very honorably in all aspects towards him (besides spying)

My family isn't, and would not stay with him. You did not read my post. 

3 hours ago, Jaunty said:

Questions:  Are you an employee of this man?   On salary?  Or a private contractor?  Also, did you have a job when you first started dating, or did you become employed and then morphed into a casual sex type of thing while you were on the job?  

I am not his official employee and he is not paying me - he has promised stock in this company but it hasn't materialized and it may never. We had started out as friends. 

A stay in his apartment or the boat - would be a form of his reciprocation for my help for his projects.

In my life, he provided a different business perspective - that ordinarily I would not exposed to - and it was more to learn something - which I have been.  That is the end in itself.

The relationship took a romantic turn - my understanding - he would not introduce me to his family, work and friends if I was a side chick. Perhaps I am wrong.

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

So you're a house-sitter? He's not your BF if you are one of his employees/flunkies. Well if he added you to house-sit you are abusing the access by spying.

I am more than a house sitter, I spent 3 months with him living together from morning til night. Taking care of his burned hand, making breakfast, tea, trying to fix his relationship with his staff (he has a difficult character).

I've been more like a wife than a girlfriend to be quite honest.

But unless he gives me the proper respect - I do not see this moving forward, thank you.

3 hours ago, Batya33 said:

You're confusing yourself. No, cooking for everyone is not "fair" unless you and he decided it was fair together as in "please come stay on my yacht - free of charge of course but if you don't mind doing the cooking that would be great so I don't have to hire someone to help with that".  Did you offer to chip in for food? If not why not with your fantastic salary?

I did offer and paid for some of the food. 

Thats what he did - he asked me to stay on his yacht as his guest, free of charge. When his cook quit he asked me to cook.

Its not the first time he asked me to stay on the yacht free of charge  - with the idea that I would be able to work on this trip  I couldn't. - to live on his yacht, I've declined previous times and after this trip.

3 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Putting someone on a pedestal unless momentarily (I mean we all at times admire someone for a variety of reasons, we're in awe - but then it rebalances) - is not healthy especially given your focus on his yacht and his wealth.  

You're confusing yourself intentionally -instead of asking this person what his intentions are (no, not accusing -asking what his intentions are towards you) you're going on signs and smoke signals, fantasies, pedestals, assumptions because - let's face it -you like being pampered, you like basking in his glow, you like the outer trappings and a big part of you knows if you ask him that goes poof, disappears.