cwsreddy

Yesterday and today have been rough. I guess I'm torturing myself in a way... ran past her apartment in the AM, watched a movie she had really wanted to see (Salmon Fishing in the Yemen) and read a book (The Alchemist) I'd always wanted to read but noticed on her shelf the last time I was in her apartment. OH and I'm watching marathons of How I Met Your Mother.

Can you say wallow? Cuz that's me, and that's what I'm doing right now! UGH. I hate it, but I love it.

Got my first unexpected kick in the gut today. The ex and I had a joint movie rewards card, and I just got an email saying I've got a new reward on the card! (Meaning it's being used).

It's really weird knowing EXACTLY what she's doing and where she is right now. She bought two tickets, which PROBABLY means she's with her roommate, because if it were a guy he'd better be payin' right?? lol

Obviously I should probably like... unsubscribe from the email notifications, but it sucks that she gets to keep using the card that we both accumulated so much money on (we saw lots of movies). I should just shrug it off and not worry about it, even though I'd LOVE to use this as an excuse to contact her. Talk me down y'all.

just got an email saying that our AMC Stubs Rewards card was used... cept... ya know... we're not together anymore. How sucky is THAT? Not sure what to do...

Day 11

Was supposed to run a 5K this morning but I bailed and ran 6 miles instead. Haha so... like two 5Ks.

That said, my route took me straight past the ex's apartment, which was bizarre. I think I'm still at the point where I don't want to move on. And not out of fear or... anything whiny or *****y. I think I just honestly feel that I want to be with this girl.

I really shouldn't have read The Alchemist the other day. (except I'm really glad I did)

A bit late to the party, but I love taking challenges!

The pain isn't severe. I can sleep fine. My life isn't over. I'm getting back into my acting career, which is amazing. Just miss her, simple as that. I would love for us to grow together again down the road, but what will be, will be. Nothing I can do about it right now.

I'm so weak, so I guess I'll be seeing you next week then. Can't believe I nearly broke down crying on the phone, I can't believe I told you I missed you, I can't believe I asked you to meet up with me.

I'm so bloody weak.

 

 

Please don't let me down. You're right, 'is it a good idea to meet up'?

I don't know. All I know is I can't handle not seeing you. I can't handle having you gone.

I just really want to hug you tight, and give you a kiss on the tip of your nose haha... Like I used to do.

 

Please please please don't cancel.

I texted you this morning and you called me back to 'explain'... Well that had to mean something right? I guess me telling you I'll be changing my number DID affect you alittle?

 

Right?

 

 

 

 

girl please, you're killing yourself right now. you absolutely NEED to change your number and STOP contacting him. Even if he were to take you back, neither of you are in the right frame of mind to actually make it WORK! You'll get clingy and he'll freak out. You need to get YOU back before you can get HIM back.

 

NC NC NC, you just have to.

had this ridiculous dream about you last night. you weren't you, so it should be easy to shrug off, but it isn't. you were angry at me, bitter, vindictive, spiteful - saying terrible things to me - and enjoying every second of it. your best friend (in the dream... who is actually the best friend of a former ex... weird) was right there with you helpin' you out. So was my brother. Pretty damn rough!

Anyway... I KNOW you don't actually feel any of those things, but it was still really bizarre to "see" you saying them, and I kind of wish I could tell you about it so you can tell me it was just a dream. But obviously I can't... and that blows too. haha

Hope you're doing well. I love you.

Happy Thanksgiving baby! I'm so glad I met you. You've helped me become a better person, and I wouldn't be the man I am today without the years we had together. Hope you're having fun, and good luck with the turkey!

Love you.